I understand you may feel this way. Don't dismiss anything you feel. Don't blame yourself, don't minimize your feelings, you have every right to feel the way you do. You will go through a wide range of emotions. I'm going to share something I don't usually share hoping it may help you to relate or you know others understand. I was sexually assaulted in March by a man I had no relationship other than casual conversation in the parking lot about moving his 28 yr old son in & back to California with his wife. He was supposed to leave but he actually moved in to stay while against the lease. He was hiding from manager.
Complicated story how it came about. I thought maybe I could move on, just put it behind me since I thought he was leaving. I didn't report the assault immediately to police right away because I first thought was he was leaving & i will get through it. And didn't report assault immediately how many treat victims & because there was no penetration, no evidence from rape kit. I didn't want to go through all that so I get it. Then he started stalking me after I blocked any contact attempts. But in my case the things he was doing got worse than just flowers and unsigned cards on my car writing on the elevator wall. I then reported him to police after who said he absolutely sexually assaulted me & should be arrested. They questioned but he wouldn't admit it & since it was his word against mine. I have no evidence of the assault. Local manager did nothing. I got an emergency no contact order no stalking order but it was for only 10 feet. I l called managers boss which had to come from Chicago to meet me in person the next day & no trespassed him from the building. Police say he's dangerous and to go through the plenary. So I have plenary hearing Thursday where he may be present and I have to testify. I could be cross examined if he has lawyer or if he represents himself he can cross examine me. I had a lawyer with the only legal assistant program and they dropped me later when they realized he is a client of theirs. I have no lawyer but legal advocate. I'm a mess physically and emotionally. If you are too it's understandable. The sense of safety I had even in my own secured building is gone. I was already struggling before this happened but I took a bad nose and don't want to have to do this. But not only need to for my safety but am doing it for other women who have been assaulted to send messages to men that it's not ok. I have wanted to CTB over this. What he did wasn't the worst thing but made me feel very violated, manipulated, powerless and afraid. It destroys your trust in people and questions your own ability. In my place seeing my psychologist is a must to get through this and reaching out to advocacy groups. That helps.
I'm open to a more one of one private discussion if you ever need support, validation & need to share. I'm so sorry you experienced it, and it's not your fault. It's ok to feel anything you feel.
