Setbacks and Improvements thread.

[Circles]

Don't know if a thread like this has been already made or not, but if there isn't then why not. Just share whatever setbacks and improvements if any you all had no matter how trivial or stupid you think it was. Here's mine:

My setback of the day was that my social anxiety got the best of me and I ended up feeling insecure and judging myself on how I look. I'm trying to not think about how I look but when I get in a social situation as big as the mall I ended up judging myself. Judging myself for how I've made myself into such a chubby or fat ugly being. My mind is so focused on losing weight now that I'm considering going on a diet, but my life of failing doesn't make the things I want easy for me.

My improvement of the day was that I went to a shoe store by myself which I couldn't find anything that fitted my supposedly small feet since one of the cashiers said they don't have 8-8.5 in shoes like wtf. Anyway then I went to the mall all by myself also. It was packed. Bought I think 5 shirts from 3 different stores. (I know I suck at shopping).

Edit: I now this might sound like nothing to y'all but I feel like I'm crashing down, ready to give up already, delete this thread, and forget about it. Am I fooling myself in wanting to improve somehow?

 

[TheHatedOne]

Hey, I think that the small improvements you have done are a great start towards the path of recovery. You shouldn't be hard on yourself but I know this is easier said than done, especially after a life full of struggles. Every small thing counts and should be regarded as a victory.

Taking it with baby steps is important cause recovery is a rather long and continuous process. I have learnt to do this back when I was losing weight many years ago. Things won't happen overnight, but seeing how they improve gradually can make you feel, uhm, how to say, fulfilled?

What I have realized is that I don't regret a second for the improvement path I took when I was a teenager, had I not done this I would have been at an 1000x worse place now.

Proud of you. Keep up the good work mate.

 

[Circles]

Hey, I think that the small improvements you have done are a great start towards the path of recovery. You shouldn't be hard on yourself but I know this is easier said than done, especially after a life full of struggles. Every small thing counts and should be regarded as a victory.

Taking it with baby steps is important cause recovery is a rather long and continuous process. I have learnt to do this back when I was losing weight many years ago. Things won't happen overnight, but seeing how they improve gradually can make you feel, uhm, how to say, fulfilled?

What I have realized is that I don't regret a second for the improvement path I took when I was a teenager, had I not done this I would have been at an 1000x worse place now.

Proud of you. Keep up the good work mate.

Thank You @AverageFanEnjoyer for your kind words despite everything I'm feeling. I'm trying to focus on baby steps like you said which my mother also says to me also, but I wish I could take some giant steps sometimes if that makes sense. Like this week I've been trying to push myself to get back into hiking again and missed it so much I hiked 4 times during 4 different days. Today I think I hiked 3-4 miles give or take which is a lot for someone like me. But of course as usually there's always a setback which I'll share in a bit.

Improvement of the day was that I walked 3-4 miles. I feel like I'm pushing myself more. I think I'm starting to feel enjoyment again even if it's temporary but still. I kinda feel like I accomplished something atleast.

Setback of the day was that I lost my fucking wallet while hiking. Swell. Plus I can't drive without no license and now I can't go hiking anytime soon until I get another. Lost other shit but I'm hoping it's replaceable like my mom says. Fuck.

 

[stellabelle]

Setback:
Stalkers. Post traumatic stress. Fucked up relatives. Fucked up life.

Improvement:
Umm, not as much caffeine.

 

[Circles]

Setback:
Stalkers. Post traumatic stress. Fucked up relatives. Fucked up life.

Improvement:
Umm, not as much caffeine.

Thank you for sharing StellaB

 

[stellabelle]

Thank you for sharing StellaB

Man. You know what's sad?

People that say gee thanks, now I'm going to go run my saliva trap about you and wherever you go, it'll always bother you. It'll always follow you. Ooh ooh ooh snitches! How funny. How stupid. People are bad.

Seemingly better to worse until someone snaps and when they snap again just to get the person to snap because they are fuck faces. Sad.

So if you're awake for 3 days from anger and trauma. And someone keeps their saliva trap going and going and going… just to fuck with you until you either walk away and they steal, or you scream at them to get fuckin lost… god… why?

Same thing all the time.

Sad. Here. Work all these jobs. Ok. Your mother. Cat and mouse. Stupidity. Crappy relatives. Crappy people like Matt. And crappy liars that like to keep the "games" going. Except it's not a game. Nor is it "fun."

People never allow people to be happy. You're told to be yourself. Push, shove, do this, do that, are you good at anything at all? So, take that skill set. And move forward. We tried that. And nothing really changes the way people behave. It's very fucking hurtful. And it's intended to be. So I mean. Well. I can draw, I can read, I can verbalize, I can do pretty much anything… but you know. The same old shit on a different day for shit row in shitville snitchville.

Oh, I'll never ever tell… okay. Then you hear about yourself through a grapevine? Thanks a lot. Very sick feeling from that. Exactly and people say get over it. Then they repeat it. Then they do it again. So I mean. Fuck. I give up. I surrender. Repeatedly. So be it. So sad. People are bad.

 

[Circles]

Man. You know what's sad?

People that say gee thanks, now I'm going to go run my saliva trap about you and wherever you go, it'll always bother you. It'll always follow you. Ooh ooh ooh snitches! How funny. How stupid. People are bad.

Seemingly better to worse until someone snaps and when they snap again just to get the person to snap because they are fuck faces. Sad.

So if you're awake for 3 days from anger and trauma. And someone keeps their saliva trap going and going and going… just to fuck with you until you either walk away and they steal, or you scream at them to get fuckin lost… god… why?

Same thing all the time.

Sad. Here. Work all these jobs. Ok. Your mother. Cat and mouse. Stupidity. Crappy relatives. Crappy people like Matt. And crappy liars that like to keep the "games" going. Except it's not a game. Nor is it "fun."

People never allow people to be happy. You're told to be yourself. Push, shove, do this, do that, are you good at anything at all? So, take that skill set. And move forward. We tried that. And nothing really changes the way people behave. It's very fucking hurtful. And it's intended to be. So I mean. Well. I can draw, I can read, I can verbalize, I can do pretty much anything… but you know. The same old shit on a different day for shit row in shitville snitchville.

Oh, I'll never ever tell… okay. Then you hear about yourself through a grapevine? Thanks a lot. Very sick feeling from that. Exactly and people say get over it. Then they repeat it. Then they do it again. So I mean. Fuck. I give up. I surrender. Repeatedly. So be it. So sad. People are bad.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I can't say anything that can help and my words sounds so fucking useless and empty, but I just hope you know I support you however much an Internet friend can. Sorry you're going through a rough time my friend. I wish you peace and strength. And I'm sorry if none of this helps. Hugs.

 

[Circles]

Setbacks of the day is that welp a lot. I feel like I'm crashing. My insecurities are getting the best of me. I think I'm going through a self biphobia phase and I don't know what to say about it other than that maybe I can't even accept myself. I'm getting jealous of people who have friends or relationships cause for someone like me I have to work from nothing and from scratch to get anywhere if I ever want anybody in my pathetic fucking life. My body makes me feels disgusting I just... fuck man so many things wrong about my body that society and most people in general that consider you as worthless. If you're short, worthless. If you're ugly, worthless. If you're fat, worthless.

When I went to the mall a couple days ago I couldn't put my finger on this situation at the time, but for example I went to the food court and every restaurant was packed and lined up. Went to one restaurant and tried to get in line and then asked this man who was with his family if he was waiting in line. I simply asked, "Sir are you waiting in line?" And he said no but in such a rude tone of voice like the type of voice where I felt worthless or like I wasn't even worth the time to even to be given a simple No. Maybe he was having a bad day and/or I'm looking way into it. My insecurities are hitting me hard today and all I want to do is cry and go to sleep all day every day. I would say I want to die but is that part of the recovery process? Fuck man

 

[sickofbeinghere]

setbacks: new years fireworks outside triggering my PTSD bad. messed up my sleep cycle again. barely any sleep the night before because of nightmates (i kept waking up)

improvements: ive generally been better because of my meds which is good, today was just a down day with my depression but it didnt make me suicidal which is a first bc normally on a day like this id feel suicidal. i did get some voices in my head telling me to kms but not nearly as overwhelming as it normally is... ty meds... anyways ive been speaking to friends today which is also helping my anxiety a lot. think i wanna go outside tomorrow

 

[Onkyo74893]

Don't know if a thread like this has been already made or not, but if there isn't then why not. Just share whatever setbacks and improvements if any you all had no matter how trivial or stupid you think it was. Here's mine:

My setback of the day was that my social anxiety got the best of me and I ended up feeling insecure and judging myself on how I look. I'm trying to not think about how I look but when I get in a social situation as big as the mall I ended up judging myself. Judging myself for how I've made myself into such a chubby or fat ugly being. My mind is so focused on losing weight now that I'm considering going on a diet, but my life of failing doesn't make the things I want easy for me.

My improvement of the day was that I went to a shoe store by myself which I couldn't find anything that fitted my supposedly small feet since one of the cashiers said they don't have 8-8.5 in shoes like wtf. Anyway then I went to the mall all by myself also. It was packed. Bought I think 5 shirts from 3 different stores. (I know I suck at shopping).

Edit: I now this might sound like nothing to y'all but I feel like I'm crashing down, ready to give up already, delete this thread, and forget about it. Am I fooling myself in wanting to improve somehow?

Please don't judge yourself Circles. All of us have worth.

 

[Circles]

Please don't judge yourself Circles. All of us have worth.

I appreciate your words but it's hard when I hate my life. I'm actually trying to convince myself to maybe just maybe recover but everything is telling me that I'm not going to even get anything I want let alone make a dent in trying to change things. I know I need to take baby steps but holy fuck I'm tired of waiting for any slow progress when it's so fucking easy to lose everything and go back to square one. And after last night how I thought I was going to finally confess to my sister about being bi and she didn't even show up I realized I don't even have anyone in my life I can count on to tell my secrets to. I wish I had the fucking balls kills myself. I'm a spineless gutless yellow coward pussy who can't make up his mind on killing himself or trying to recover because of how hard both are.

Sorry I went on a tangent.

 

[Onkyo74893]

Thank You @AverageFanEnjoyer for your kind words despite everything I'm feeling. I'm trying to focus on baby steps like you said which my mother also says to me also, but I wish I could take some giant steps sometimes if that makes sense. Like this week I've been trying to push myself to get back into hiking again and missed it so much I hiked 4 times during 4 different days. Today I think I hiked 3-4 miles give or take which is a lot for someone like me. But of course as usually there's always a setback which I'll share in a bit.

Improvement of the day was that I walked 3-4 miles. I feel like I'm pushing myself more. I think I'm starting to feel enjoyment again even if it's temporary but still. I kinda feel like I accomplished something atleast.

Setback of the day was that I lost my fucking wallet while hiking. Swell. Plus I can't drive without no license and now I can't go hiking anytime soon until I get another. Lost other shit but I'm hoping it's replaceable like my mom says. Fuck.

3 to 4 miles is excellent Circles. That's my usual distance most days. Keep it up!