Seriously thinking of ending it

[Rosieroo17]

Hello I'm new here
I'm 41 years old and most of my life I've struggled. I've tried 2 times many years ago to end my life but I didnt know much about it and just took a packet of antipsychotics.
I went into therapy a few years back and started on the road to recovery and started working on myself.
However i got into a relationship with a emotionally abusive man and its ruined me.
I've never felt so more alone . The last few weeks the pain is so bad I dont want it anymore and I feel I want to just go now and end my life.
The problem is I have two children and this is the reason I feel so shit thinking this way.

I havent made a decision and I dont have a plan .

How do you cope with feeling like this when you have children aswell.

 

[justfloating]

I get a sense that you don't want to CTB but you don't want to live your life ? Don't feel guilty or like a bad parent for having these thoughts because you can't help it, it isn't your choice to feel this way. Go to a doctors and explain how you've been feeling, if you don't feel like doing that them maybe talk to a close friend who you are sure wouldn't judge, and if you can't do that then try to let off some steam on here. I think these's pretty much always someone on here who can relate to what you're talking about.

I understand the feeling alone, so spend time with your kids and it might make you realise that you're life really is worth doing. Just make sure you exhaust all options before yo make any decisions to CTB.

Everyone is here for you

 

[MsMaudlin]

Deciding whether or not to CTB when you have children is the hardest decision to make.
I'm in that position too.
I feek so much guilt, but they would have a much better life without me.
❤

 

[catfletcher]

I have similar feelings but I know that my children are my "protective" factor at the moment. I have 2 small children and soon a third. Although my mind keeps going back to ending everything, I still feel that my children would be better off having a flawed me than having to grow up knowing what happened. I am struggling so much with the truth for this one though. Wouldn't it be better off never have known the pain of existence and only ever being safe and loved here with me?

 

[Rosieroo17]

Thank you all for your replies. Even driving my son to nursery I felt so much pain and kept thinking about ending it and just cried in the car.
I just wish things were different. I wish I had a loving partner or i wish i had a way out of this life with him. I've also lost some good friends cos of him and that's affected me badly.

I think about going doctors but I knwo they just give me antidepressants. I just dont want this feeling.
I think about methods and read more in the sn method but dont know how to obtain it.
I worry it wouldn't work and of course I worry about my children.
Their father is very good with them and I know they will be taken care of. I feel a failure as a mother .

 

[Final Escape]

Please don't it if u have children. It will shatter them. I just had a situationship end not long ago and heartbroken over this guy. He was not abusive but it was not a healthy relationship. Guys come and go but your kids are forever. You will get over the abusive guy in a few months but I realize it's very painful at the moment. I would go back to working on yourself for the sake of your kids. The sad reality when u get to be our age is that you are more likely to attract one of these guys because we are lonely and overlook the warning signs. They can make u feel so good at first. There's more damaged people in the dating pool now because so many people grow up in broken homes and are ill reared.