Discussion Serious question - so would you megadose lad, take K and MDMA or begin quietiapine (or do them in that order?)

[LittleJem]

Hello all

so a few weeks ago I risked a megadose (450ug) of LSD. While I knew it was a big risk, I was at my wit's end. I did then, amazingly, have 3 or 4 weeks off the suicidal thoughts and misery. Which started coming back maybe yesterday or the day before (I blame hormones). I know LSD is risky, but then it did help last time - and I am feeling awful again.

I could also take some Ketamine and MDMA - but this hasn't had any lasting effect on me when done at home.

I could take synthetic psilocybin - I find it a bit scary.

I have a prescription for quietiapine, but am really scared of the side effects of that.

Maybe I am being stupid not taking the quietiapine - as I spoke to someone today, they said if you want to die anyway, maybe you should just risk the side effects.

Would appreciate any thoughts.
oh, one more option. I need one extra ingredient, then can home-brew Ayahuasca. I have taken it before, it's scary. But it did 50% help my mental health.

I am scared any of the above could cause psychosis.

 

[Walilamdzi]

I don't like the effects that quietiapine has had on me. I was first prescribed it in 2016, at a megadose of 800mg, because they didn't know what to do with me in the psych ward. After that I couldn't really function and just slept all the time. Being in the psych ward has basically destroyed any hope I had left for my life...

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Mh... You have tried K and LSD and MDMA, and they have helped, but only for several weeks. So I would say that this is probably not something that will work long term. You are getting yourself on a slippery slope rollercoaster, as I think taking LSD and Psilocybin that regularly will potentially backfire on you—what will you do if you get a really horrible trip and some sort of psychosis or depersonalization?

No, I think you need other strategies to cope. Ones that can be used without as much risk, and used effectively long term. You need an equilibrium and not a high and a low, a high and a low.

Of course, I am only speculating. The most psychedelic substance I have ever taken was cannabis; but every time I started abusing cannabis, it stopped being fun and turned 180 degrees into panic attacks, hearing voices and just generally horrible experiences.
.
This is cliche, so excuse my bringing it up, but have you ever been seriously into exercise? It has pulled me out of a deep misery once or twice before, and of course it was also a sort of masturbation and didn't solve my real problems, but it is a high with very few side effects.