Venting Selfish

[Sooniwontbehuman]

I know I am selfish, I know I have two parents who love me. I know that in the grand scheme of things I am lucky because lots of people don't have that relationship with their parents. I know I have it good, but it doesn't stop me feeling like this. And saying "oh you have parents who love you therefor you should try harder" does not help me at all. You don't think I have tried? Do you think I want to feel like this? I am continually trying, and im tired and its exhausting. My parents love can't fix me, and I know it helps to have them, and if I didn't I probably would have been dead a long time ago. I don't know how to fix me. So unless you know a way please stop telling me to try harder, when I am trying my absolute best.


edit: A part of me really was expecting people to agree, and tell me that because I have loving parents my thoughts and ideations weren't valid enough, that I didn't have a right to feel the way I do. This community is kind of great, so thank you towards the people who replied I hope you have a good week to, and I am deeply sorry that such good people are hurting, or were hurting, or whatever you situation is.

 

[ddimd]

I'm in a similar situation here with 2 loving parents and I have kind of a screwed up thought that the selfishness goes both ways. Does anyone else think that parents (or just anyone really) are selfish for wanting you to be alive? Isn't it selfish for people to want to keep someone who is suffering alive in the first place? I feel it's mostly just so they can feel good about themselves, for their own happiness. Even for parents in general, you give them happiness by being there, that's why they would be sad if you were gone. So to me, it's like they don't want to feel the sadness or be the one suffering, which means them wanting you to be alive is just as, if not more selfish.

 

[21Neberg]

I know I am selfish, I know I have two parents who love me. I know that in the grand scheme of things I am lucky because lots of people don't have that relationship with their parents. I know I have it good, but it doesnt stop me feeling like this. And saying "oh you have parents who love you therefor you should try harder" does not help me at all. You don't think I have tried? Do you think I want to feel like this? I am continually trying, and im tired and its exhausting. My parents love can't fix me, and I know it helps to have them, and if I didn't I probably would have been dead a long time ago. I don't know how to fix me. So unless you know a way please stop telling me to try harder, when I am trying my absolute best.

I'm sorry you've got people telling you to try harder. I can imagine how you feel, since I have most certainly won the lottery in terms of parents as well. Do you too feel like your parents deserved a better child?

 

[Sooniwontbehuman]

I'm sorry you've got people telling you to try harder. I can imagine how you feel, since I have most certainly won the lottery in terms of parents as well. Do you too feel like your parents deserved a better child?

Absolutely. Honestly, it'd be better if they just didn't have me. Their life would have been easier.

 

[cryptic_cynic]

Don't listen to anyone who tells you that you're selfish.

Everyone in this fucking world is selfish.

Every single one.

No exceptions.

 

[21Neberg]

Absolutely. Honestly, it'd be better if they just didn't have me. Their life would have been easier.

Heartbreaking to read, but I feel the same way. I sincerely hope you'll have a good week.

 

[Stan]

Don't listen to anyone who tells you that you're selfish.

Everyone in this fucking world is selfish.

Every single one.

No exceptions.

100% agree. everyone is selfish and everyone has an ego, those things only become toxic when it has a negative impact on another person or people. In rebuttal you could could also say that they are selfish by making you live through this. They will never understand, sympathise or empathise with you if they never had similar feelings so this is a classic boilerplate response to being confronted with someone facing any condition that brings them to this point. Heed your own counsel and wishes, resolve your personal doubts and do whats best for you. My hopes for peace and tranquillity are with you