First off, I do not believe people who CTB are selfish by any means. Everyone deserves the autonomy to CTB, however mine would be extremely selfish. My brother died from leukemia a few years ago and it absolutely destroyed my mom. Whenever I've had failed CTB attempts in the past, she's told me that she would not be able to go on anymore if I had succeeded and passed away. I don't know how to navigate those feelings. I feel so selfish for constantly dreaming about CTB and being at peace for once.
But it's the only place I can imagine myself going. I've been suicidal since I was 6 years old. No normal and healthy child would ever feel that way. I know that taking my own life is how I will eventually die some day.
But it's the only place I can imagine myself going. I've been suicidal since I was 6 years old. No normal and healthy child would ever feel that way. I know that taking my own life is how I will eventually die some day.
