Venting Self preservation instinct/wanting to live

[Ella Disenchanted]

I've been told so many times that the fact I've failed to successfully ctb is because there's a part of me that wants to live. It never really felt right but I figured it must be true otherwise I'd be gone already.

I got so fed up with failing that I even tried "trying" to want to live, but the thought of staying here with everything that I have to deal with just brought on crazy amounts of terror and panic. It pretty much confirms to me that my self preservation instinct has absolutely nothing to do with how much I want to be here. I'm not any further forward with a solution but at least it makes more sense. When will I learn to stop allowing these people to get into my head..

 

[Clover]

Yeah someone told me I mustn't really want to die due to my attempt failing. No I do want to die, it's just that someone decided to visit without my knowing and I couldn't have predicted it.

 

[Nofaith]

People are full of crap. Also even though your mind wants it, your body doesn't. It's like fighting against suffocation.

 

[windingdown]

Yeah, that's a sort of metaphysical perspective - that you're still alive because you want to be. If things worked like that, I would have died in my sleep last year, because I wanted to so badly : )