CoolGuy9
Mage
- Mar 5, 2019
- 524
I don't understand it. The concept feels stupid to me. Why is it so important and how is it even possible?
WOODESITY
Experienced
- Mar 15, 2019
- 217
I've heard many times that if one can't love self how can he love someone is what I don't understand, I don't think I'll ever love myself but only to hate more..
Mrs.O'Leary'sCow
SanitizingDeodorantCakes
- Aug 20, 2018
- 305
Excellent question. I wish I could even begin to answer it.
I think this book (downloadable pdf) is a good place to start understanding.
Take it or leave it, I have no agenda.
I think this book (downloadable pdf) is a good place to start understanding.
Take it or leave it, I have no agenda.
Jen Erik
-
- Oct 12, 2018
- 637
Is that 'Drama of the Gifted Child' by Alice Miller?
Mrs.O'Leary'sCow
SanitizingDeodorantCakes
- Aug 20, 2018
- 305
Jen Erik
-
- Oct 12, 2018
- 637
It's a really good book. It helped me understand where a lot of my self-hate came from, which I would imagine is one of the first steps to 'self-love'.
Mrs.O'Leary'sCow
SanitizingDeodorantCakes
- Aug 20, 2018
- 305
I thought so. I wish I'd read it when I was 35 or younger.
From what I little I've read about it, some of it is being the supportive and caring person to yourself that you may not have had before. Especially if your parents weren't supportive, caring, or helpful, you try to re-parent yourself when situations come up by being that supportive, caring, and at times helpful person to yourself, talking to or doing for yourself the way a loving parent or person would.
In the movie Eighth Grade (or what I took away from it), the girl is pretty much alone. Her mom's not there; her dad's clueless about parenting. Most of her classmates aren't very nice to her and aren't very nice people. She makes short self-help youtube videos to help others navigate eighth grade and does the best she can raising herself and getting herself through eighth grade. At least her dad recognizes this. He admits he doesn't know how to raise a child, and tells her something like, "You're doing an amazing job raising yourself." Made me cry because I've had to do so much on my own and for my parents, all while being treated like crap. By family, friends, and relationships. I wish someone had recognized how hard life was for me. As well as some good in me, even though now, I don't have any friends and my family still treats me like my feelings, thoughts, or reactions don't matter. Unfortunately, I tell myself that I don't matter, so a part of self love seems like it's just treating yourself in a good way now, especially when no one else, including yourself, has or does.
In terms of loving yourself before others can love you, I interpret that as it'll help you recognize the right way to treat yourself, so that you'll recognize how you want to be treated. And then you can recognize and weed out people who don't treat you properly or who manipulate you into thinking what is bad treatment is normal, deserved, or there isn't any better. And also recognize, understand, and eventually trust those who do treat you properly.
Even if I'm alone and kill myself, I want to know that when I did little wrong for the most part, I didn't deserve to be treated that awfully. So even if others continue treat me that way, I might not treat myself that way every time.
In the movie Eighth Grade (or what I took away from it), the girl is pretty much alone. Her mom's not there; her dad's clueless about parenting. Most of her classmates aren't very nice to her and aren't very nice people. She makes short self-help youtube videos to help others navigate eighth grade and does the best she can raising herself and getting herself through eighth grade. At least her dad recognizes this. He admits he doesn't know how to raise a child, and tells her something like, "You're doing an amazing job raising yourself." Made me cry because I've had to do so much on my own and for my parents, all while being treated like crap. By family, friends, and relationships. I wish someone had recognized how hard life was for me. As well as some good in me, even though now, I don't have any friends and my family still treats me like my feelings, thoughts, or reactions don't matter. Unfortunately, I tell myself that I don't matter, so a part of self love seems like it's just treating yourself in a good way now, especially when no one else, including yourself, has or does.
In terms of loving yourself before others can love you, I interpret that as it'll help you recognize the right way to treat yourself, so that you'll recognize how you want to be treated. And then you can recognize and weed out people who don't treat you properly or who manipulate you into thinking what is bad treatment is normal, deserved, or there isn't any better. And also recognize, understand, and eventually trust those who do treat you properly.
Even if I'm alone and kill myself, I want to know that when I did little wrong for the most part, I didn't deserve to be treated that awfully. So even if others continue treat me that way, I might not treat myself that way every time.
If I were to describe the "loving yourself" concept, I would put it clumsily like that, as a crystal clear awareness of:
Yes, I did "x".
Yes, "y" happened.
Yes, I resulted from out of "z" with this "w" characteristic.
Every word in these sentences being strong, accentuated, believed. Basically facts (which makes the believe part almost smiling easy). But god, it's exactly from strongly stating facts without adding evaluation (aka judgment) of any kind that one can begin to feel this subtle connection with themselves, which is self-love.
Edit with specification: god knows I do not want to kill myself because I supposedly hate myself. I intend to kill myself because I'm the only one who loves me.
Yes, I did "x".
Yes, "y" happened.
Yes, I resulted from out of "z" with this "w" characteristic.
Every word in these sentences being strong, accentuated, believed. Basically facts (which makes the believe part almost smiling easy). But god, it's exactly from strongly stating facts without adding evaluation (aka judgment) of any kind that one can begin to feel this subtle connection with themselves, which is self-love.
Edit with specification: god knows I do not want to kill myself because I supposedly hate myself. I intend to kill myself because I'm the only one who loves me.
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ExitTheDay
We fight to live or live to die
- May 26, 2019
- 336
It's good to take care of yourself here and there but "loving" yourself too much stems from narcissistic traits and these people should be avoided at all costs
Narcussists don't love themselves. They focus on themselves, but love is not there at all. I think it is perpetual fear.
Going Home
Specialist
- Sep 21, 2018
- 357
Self love is the best love in a shit world where bullies isolate, slander then attack their targets.
i think selflove is primarily self acceptance. someone who loves someone does accept the person such as he/she is.
Severen
Enlightened
- Jun 30, 2018
- 1,819
First you can't be a sheep or a sociopath. Second you have to capable of logic. Then use your ability to think logically to figure out, what is more beneficial for you. Loving yourself or hating yourself.
