Self harming

[goodoldnoname923]

It was around 1am yesterday when i self harmed last…then i self harmed before i fell asleep last night

And now i've self harmed again…i feel like this is becoming addictive for me and I can't nor don't want to stop…

In a way it expresses my self hatred while taking me away from my emotional pain…it's therapeutic and it aleast gives me some closure before i find the courage to end it all…it just seems the blade of a knife is the only really comfort and closure i feel nowadays

It understands me in a way no one else ever will

 

[Victim.Of.Life]

It can easily become an addiction. I loved it aswell, at first. Now a year later my scars are slowly fading away, but are still very noticable.
I regret doing it, because as the summers are getter hotter, I can only wear sweaters.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

It can easily become an addiction. I loved it aswell, at first. Now a year later my scars are slowly fading away, but are still very noticable.
I regret doing it, because as the summers are getter hotter, I can only wear sweaters.

It was more of a self hating excise for me
I managed to get around the issue by doing it to my legs instead but its much harder to cut those tbf but yea

 

[lillmonix3]

I've been clean for a month now, but today I felt like I really needed to cut myself. I want to do it, but my family is watching me to make sure I don't do it (checking my arms and legs for cuts).

How can I replace the cuts at such moments? So that it brings me pain and is not as noticeable as cuts.

I've been on antidepressants for 2 weeks now, but they don't work yet.

 

[Z-A]

Tried it a few weeks ago but I wouldn't really call it cutting in my case since I was just scratching the top layer of my skin where it just bleeds a very little with a temporary pain that lasts for a few hours. The scars go away in a week or two. It's a temporary relief in my opinion. Good thing I'm not getting addicted to the point where I'll start cutting deeper. But yeah, I would say it's not very pretty overall. Especially if you plan to go outside this summer ;p

 

[Victim.Of.Life]

I've been clean for a month now, but today I felt like I really needed to cut myself. I want to do it, but my family is watching me to make sure I don't do it (checking my arms and legs for cuts).

How can I replace the cuts at such moments? So that it brings me pain and is not as noticeable as cuts.

I've been on antidepressants for 2 weeks now, but they don't work yet.

God I'm so jealous of people who get prescribed anti depressants and sleeping pills.

 

[lillmonix3]

God I'm so jealous of people who get prescribed anti depressants and sleeping pills.

In my case, I have nothing to envy, they just don't work. I still want to die, I want to harm myself. I just want to disappear.

 

[AveMori]

God I'm so jealous of people who get prescribed anti depressants and sleeping pills.

I have them as well, but for my condition (BPD) it's pretty known they rarely work. There's therapies that are supposed to work, but I rarely get to do a lot of work there, bc most of therapy is wasted on trying to make me not kill myself for a few days until the next session.

 

[shinitai_sh0jo]

I have this problem too, though I think mine started around 2019 or something..
I've read something about being envyous of ppl who get prescribed with anti-depressants.. and to be honest:
It depends a lot on the thing you'd be prescribed with to actually help. I've been changing medicines for a while, and the only one that helped with it for a while... uuuhhhh....
So it isn't really all sun and rainbows.

Though yeah, sleeping pills would be nice. Can't give any advice on addiction on SH since I didn't got out from mine myself... I just hope for me and you that we can pull it out for a bit longer ig.

I'm terrible at communicating abt this I'm so so sorry.

In my case, I have nothing to envy, they just don't work. I still want to die, I want to harm myself. I just want to disappear.

same. That plus when we don't feel guilty for wanting to die, like "omg I took this shit right, is it my fault for feeling like this??" or smth similar... I still find so weird when I have thoughts abt dying in days where I took my pills

 

[crystal_meth97]

TW: self-harm methods and scars description

I've been self-harming since 12. It started kinda tame, with only scratching, but it escalated in terms of methods over the years. I have emotional dysregulation from BPD, so it makes sense I guess. It is one of my coping mechanisms. Yes, it can easily become addictive in the sense that you find solace in it and you tend to engage in it more often, so be careful with it if you intend to stop or recover at some point. I ended up cutting with blades and box openers. I only cut my arms several times because I was aware it would be visible, so I only go for my legs. I haven't done this in a few weeks now and, interestingly, in the past, I had like 2-3 years clean, no idea how or why I quit using this coping mechanism, because my life wasn't perfect then. I'm trying to keep it under control, because it's not beneficial to me and I'm trying to recover. I have plenty of deep scars on my legs, but I'm okay with it, it's part of my struggles. For a year or so, I've also been hitting myself so hard that I bruise really severely. I like this better because it doesn't leave permanent scars, but it's still self-harm and not okay. I'm hiding them where I live because people are judgmental, but I guess they are like this almost everywhere. I just don't want to get attention for this. And yes, you come to the realization that cutting or whatever you do is comforting and "understands" you. It is therapeutic in a fucked up, unhealthy way, because it helps you release your emotions. But you're taking out your rage on your own body and you don't deserve that. Take care, no matter what you choose!

 

[Maormer]

it can definitely be addictive. When I was started years ago there was a point where I couldn't go a day without doing it. If become shaky and irritated and it was all I could think about. It was an obsession. It doesn't go away either. It's been over 7 years since I started and the urges don't stop. I hurt myself less now but in moments of crisis I still turn to it. I SH a lot in minor ways: slapping myself, scratching myself, etc, but the more directly harmful stuff like knives has thankful become less frequent

 

[ironically living]

How can I replace the cuts at such moments? So that it brings me pain and is not as noticeable as cuts.

I would say that ice cubes works the best if you want pain. I learned it in the psych ward, if you just hold ice cubes on places itll hurt pretty badly, but it wont leave any marks. It is the most painful yet undetectable method in my opinion.

 

[set0553]

I view cutting as a pressure relief valve of sorts, for all the pain, frustration and self hate.. the more I feel these things, the more I cut, and the better the release feels. As a current addict myself, I'd definitely say its an addiction, often similar to drugs..

 

[abchia]

I don't know if this is unique to myself but sometimes just carefully holding or sitting beside whatever I use to harm myself calms me down. Like it tells my brain, hey, its right here and you can do it any time, so no need to rush things, its always accessible. Except it only helps when I'm overwhelmed, not when I'm numb and desperately want to feel something.

 

[riktfar]

I do it when I need to take back self volition. Perhaps you feel anchored by your indenturements for credits you perceived to be owed but unpayable like myself

 

[Bluebells]

I've been clean for a while. Before that, I quit and started multiple times. It is really an escape, for me I stopped because I realised I went too far when I couldnt find new places anymore. Its really tough resisting the urge sometimes. Try alternatives if you'd wanna stop; if not, be mindful of where and how deep so as to be safer :)

 

[unabletocope]

tried it over the last year, moved on. would rather directly focus on an attempt over habits at this point.