Sorry to necro this thread, but I felt like it was better than making a new one. I too have relapsed tonight. I haven't cut in years, but the pain I'm going through is just too much and I NEED to feel something else. I have dozens of straight edge razor blades for random stuff around the house that I might need one for. Also have chlorhexidine from when my cat was fixed. I used that to make sure there's no infection. Don't wanna ctb with one leg lol.
My wife is asleep in our bed. I feel like I don't belong there, or anywhere for that matter. I just want it all to end, I'm so tired of hurting. My back is wrecked thanks to a horrible boss at work that felt speed was more important then safety, and while I was in my worst pain, my wife betrayed me.
I DON'T want to hear shit like, there's other people out there, because i don't want anyone else so keep that bs to yourself. I've had my heart broken too many times. I'll never go through that again. I honestly tried to move on from her but i can't. I looked on dating sites and just didn't feel shit for any of them. I gave my wife my entire heart and there's nothing else left for anyone.
I just wish I had N so i could sleep and drift away instead of working up what it takes to order my nitrogen tank. The plastic bag part sounds scary but, to me, it's my only option. SN sounds ok, but it's too involved. The fasting and antiemetic/antacid regimen. I already have my nitrogen regulator, flow meter, hose barb and oxygen hose. Just need to make the bag now and order the tank. I'm not sure when it will be, but probably soon. I just hope I don't fail, like I've done with everything else in my life. I've already been locked up recently and don't want to be there again.
