Discussion Self-Harm -- Burning

[inpursuitofpeace]

Hi everyone,

I want to ctb, but I can't...at least not for a while, if I'm lucky. So I figured that I would try SH as a way to release some of the physical and emotional pain that I've been harboring. I have found burning to be a nice release, moreso than cutting. But the cigarette lighter I've been using leaves these black marks over me...maybe soot? It's also smelly. Perhaps the butane?

Is there a lighter out there that won't turn my skin black or smell so bad? I don't want people around me to notice.

I also just wanted a place to kind of be able to vent about how alone I feel. I was devastated when this site shut down for a while and I couldn't access it. You're my people. I am in so much chronic emotional and physical pain, that living is nearly unbearable. I just want relief and I can't get that, so I'm turning to SH, until I ctb. All of the mental health professionals in my life keep encouraging me to live when I express how badly I want to die (thankfully they let me make the decisions about hospitalization and have never involuntarily committed me). I'm thankful for them, and it doesn't make the suffering go away. Plus, with all of the pain, I'm too incapacitated to do any of the things I enjoy. I've been crying in pain for days and it just utterly sucks. Who wants to live like this? People say that it could get better, and it might, as I start to see new specialists, but do I even have the time for that, to wait that long?

 

[soonatpeace777888]

As far as I've read, self harm really does not reduce your pain except for a VERY brief moment. Like, seconds. If you believe the pain you had can be alleviated, you should seek more professional method such as medications.

 

[inpursuitofpeace]

As far as I've read, self harm really does not reduce your pain except for a VERY brief moment. Like, seconds. If you believe the pain you had can be alleviated, you should seek more professional method such as medications.

I've tried so many medications, several therapy modalitites, therapy several times per week, etc. it just isn't enough to end the suffering, but thank you. At this point, I'll take the seconds of relief because it's all that I have at this point.