Venting self harm and loveless

[blckfurmutt]

i'm literally completely alone nobody fucking cares about me AT ALL. my mom allows my dads abuse to keep happening, i'm not allowed to leave this stupid fucking house and i have no resources or motivation to do it. i hate my fucking boyfriend for making me fall in love with him and calling me every day and then just playing games all night while i bleed out, fuck you too man. fucking hate everybody and i hate myself the most. i'm trying so hard to keep fighting i'm trying so fucking hard to stay alive because MAYBE there will be a day where this loneliness and isolation goes away. but i'm in so much pain, every single day is so fucking painful i wwnt to cry in my brother's arms and tell him how sorry i am for being such a fuck up. i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm so sorry. i don't talk to anyone, i've never had a friend, a real boyfriend who LOVES ME AND CARES ABOUT ME, i've never had any normal experiences. i'm isolated and severely sheltered despite being 19. i've never had one normal fucking day and the abuse wont stop. i keep losing weight. i keep hurting. and nobody cares. they see it and they don't fucking care.