its hard. Iv been wanting to ctb for years. this past year i really really really really wanted to die. EVEN THOUGH LITERALLY ALL THE ODDS ARE AGAINST ME, AND I LITERALLY KEEP FACING THE SAME OUTCOME OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
but somehow, i have this like small part of me inside that holds out hope? like bitch what, how the hell?? Lol. its so wierd, its just like lingering hope inside of me, that maybe things might get better, even though i dont see it, i feel it for some reason.
You cant truly overcome this till its gone. i believe imo, that this small sense of hope inside will disappear as i keep giving myself a chance and keep failing and ending up depressed and sad.
theres gonna come a point in time where you wont feel, wont care or give a shit about anything anymore and i believe when that time comes is when ill truly wanna ctb and be able to overcome this false hope.