Venting Seeing others being successful

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I know a degree doesn't warranty happiness but I'm looking at pics of my university partners celebrating his degrees and I'm feeling so suicidal I can't explain. Wish I had a gun to shot myself
I can't explain how much I want to be dead

 

[Sprite_Geist]

If you don't mind me asking (you don't have to share) did you all graduate recently? You say you are feeling suicidal - is it something to do with the photos themselves that make you feel that way, or is it something else?

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

If you don't mind me asking (you don't have to share) did you all graduate recently? You say you are feeling suicidal - is it something to do with the photos themselves that make you feel that way, or is it something else?

No. I haven't graduated yet. I changed career because I didn't like it anymore but we started all together. I'm still studying but seeing them graduating makes me feel suicidal because I could be graduated too if I wasn't so stupid.

 

[maru.]

I know a degree doesn't warranty happiness but I'm looking at pics of my university partners celebrating his degrees and I'm feeling so suicidal I can't explain. Wish I had a gun to shot myself
I can't explain how much I want to be dead

I think i know what you mean.
I'm still in college, but i'm going to drop out soon probably, i can't keep up.
The people i love tho, my friends and colleagues, they can keep up, and they will graduate in a few years, without me alongside them.
It's not even about the degree deep down, just like you've said.

The feeling i have, and that i imagine you have too, is seeing those people you love, that were alongside you at some point, on the same level, suddently go so far foward in a pace we can't follow, while we are left back, and it's not their fault, they're just making the best out of their lives, it's our fault for not being good enough.
I don't know if this is the feeling you're trying to describe, but when i look at my friends, i see the kind of person that i was supposed to be, and then i remember that i'm not, that i'm failing.

So yeah, i don't know what to say to make you feel ok, i wish i did tho.
Still, just know that you're not the only one in this, there are people on SS with somewhat similar feelings, and we're here if you need to talk.
If you wish, you can PM me and i'll gladly talk more about this with you, my friend.
*hugs*

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I'm a failure. That's what I am. I don't fit in society and I must be dead.
My birthday wish this year was to die, as ironic as it sounds

 

[Fragile]

This is something that I struggled with in the past, badly. but now I understand that it's better to be happy for their success, after all, my situation in life is very different from theirs, I just wasn't meant to succeed and they had a different upbringing, capable bodies, etc. It's not their fault that I turned out the way I did.

I know this is hard, life is just unfair. but accepting that my life is just different is the only way I can find some comfort, or at least not to suffer from it.
And this is the reason why I absolutely despise social media, it brings unrealistic expectations and insecurities in ourselves. comparing ourselves to others is just unfair and never a good thing.

 

[maru.]

No. I haven't graduated yet. I changed career because I didn't like it anymore but we started all together. I'm still studying but seeing them graduating makes me feel suicidal because I could be graduated too if I wasn't so stupid.

I'm a failure. That's what I am. I don't fit in society and I must be dead.

Well, are you liking this new career path you chose to study? If you are, then you've made the right choice, even though graduating with your friends would be cool, it's more important to choose a career you like more, since our jobs are what we'll be doing for most of our time.

You don't seem like a failure to me, especially considering you're in college studying, and considering that you had the balls to change your course when you decided that it wasn't for you, you're also not even 30 yet, i study with people in my class who are over 30 and will be even older once graduation comes in a few years, and some of them don't even care, because they know that when they graduate, they'll be just as much of a qualified professional as all of their younger colleagues.
People nowadays live and work until 60, 70, sometimes more, so it's ok to take a few years longer to start your career path, it's nothing to be ashamed about, you didn't do anything wrong.

I have one friend tho, that sometimes vents to me about this, he's over 30 years old, and he feels uncomfortable, about his older friends building families and progressing their careers, so i know that it must be hard for you, i know that it must be an absolute pain in the ass, and i'm very sorry.
He's still a bit positive tho, as he knows that if he followed the path he was headed to, he would be very unhappy, and now, while he has these insecurities, he's happier than he was then.
I don't know if that's the case exactly for you, it depends on how you feel about your current college course, how you feel about your current friends, etc.

btw, i also certainly don't see why you must be dead, perhaps you see no other options, i know what it's like, but with "must" it sounds like an obligation, or that you deserve it, and i'm sure that's not the case here.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

There are billions of people in this world. If I kill myself tonight nothing would change. I'm insignificant. One less cockroach on this planet. This best thing could ever happen to me is never to be born. For what? To experience how shitty things turn out to be?

 

[maru.]

There are billions of people in this world. If I kill myself tonight nothing would change. I'm insignificant. One less cockroach on this planet.

I know what you mean, we're all truly insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
If we died tomorrow, things wouldn't change much for the world.
However, it would change a lot for us, and that's what should matter most to us as individuals.

I'm not trying to disrespect your decision to ctb, that's a very personal thing and i have no right to tell you if you should do it or not, and i apologize if that's how i'm coming across.

What i'm trying to say is that, to me, it doesn't matter how insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things, because the grand scheme of things is insignificant too, so what matters most is our own feelings and perceptions of things.
I imagine this isn't the only reason you want to ctb, it's just one of the reasons, but i think it shouldn't be, due to the things i've expressed.
I understand if you disagree with me tho, i don't want to impose my views on anyone, i'm just saying what i think.

This best thing could ever happen to me is never to be born. For what? To experience how shitty things turn out to be?

You're clearly in a lot of pain, i don't know what i can say to help you, but i really wish i did. We're here for you.

 

[Notmadeforthislife]

I graduated and started a career as teacher. I had to resign halfway through my first year of teaching. I couldn't handle the stress and I admitted myself to the hospital because I was suicidal. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder with psychosis. Now I'm back to being a janitor. Everywhere I look I see successful, functioning adults. Then there's me. I'll never get to experience success because of my mental health problems. All I have is a useless Master's degree and tons of student loans I can't repay. I would have been better off if I had never tried.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I graduated and started a career as teacher. I had to resign halfway through my first year of teaching. I couldn't handle the stress and I admitted myself to the hospital because I was suicidal. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder with psychosis. Now I'm back to being a janitor. Everywhere I look I see successful, functioning adults. Then there's me. I'll never get to experience success because of my mental health problems. All I have is a useless Master's degree and tons of student loans I can't repay. I would have been better off if I had never tried.

I am so sorry. I'm depressed too. I'm not diagnosed but also feel like non functioning adult like you say. It sucks. It's like everyone else is competent and I'm only there doing stupid silly things and filling space.

 

[faust]

I used to study before and dropped my first college. My profession would mean for me I would have to be long months in isolation.
However, now I do not regret I made this decision.

For many people graduating means standing on crossroads and they have to choose between freedom and slavery. Mortgage which you have to pay until you are middle aged, family, work which you cannot quit because it is hard to find a job in one day if we mean certain professions. There is no turning back, you cannot just stop paying mortgage,loans, say I want to take a rest for a few months. This will be impossible for people with lively now and empty then smiles. Most of them won't be free. This way of life is not acceptable for me, slavery is not an option of a healthy society. Unstoppable consumption to compensate lack of time, happiness and freedom - that's what stands behind the word "graduation". A cemetery of buried dreams and lost years for nothing.

 

[Realityisawful]

Hell yeah, amazing suicide motivation!