Second thoughts about ctb

[Trashcan]

Whenever it comes time to ctb, or whenever I have an opportunity, I always back out. I've thought about it and realized if I keep backing out, maybe I should look and see if it's possible to improve my life. I don't want to crush my parents. They'll probably never get over it if I ctb, and one of the things that makes it hard to go through with it is thinking about their reaction to finding out. For a long while I thought I was a burden and they'd be better off without me (and to be fair, I am a bit of burden), but they wouldn't be happy. They would be devastated. I'm lucky to have the loving, supportive parents I do.

I'll keep the supplies just in case. I love this forum due to how supportive and kind everyone is, so I'll probably continue going on it. But I am going to have to rethink ctb.

And may all of you find peace no matter what you decide to do.

 

[Justanotherconsumer]

Good luck to you.

 

[jaemus12]

Suicide is not easy. Survival instinct is strong whether we like it or not. Don't be too hard on yourself on that.

I'm glad you're having alternate plans and attempting to improve your life. I wish you success on your road to recovery and best of luck to you.

Trash? Naw, you're the hidden gem within.

 

[throwaway777]

you're the hidden gem

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

*hugs you warmly* <3

 

[AndyCurious]

Whenever it comes time to ctb, or whenever I have an opportunity, I always back out. I've thought about it and realized if I keep backing out, maybe I should look and see if it's possible to improve my life. I don't want to crush my parents. They'll probably never get over it if I ctb, and one of the things that makes it hard to go through with it is thinking about their reaction to finding out. For a long while I thought I was a burden and they'd be better off without me (and to be fair, I am a bit of burden), but they wouldn't be happy. They would be devastated. I'm lucky to have the loving, supportive parents I do.

I'll keep the supplies just in case. I love this forum due to how supportive and kind everyone is, so I'll probably continue going on it. But I am going to have to rethink ctb.

And may all of you find peace no matter what you decide to do.

Best wishes to you no matter what :-) <3

 

[Anon1337]

I'm going to ctb. I just don't know when. Could be a month, could be next year.

 

[violetskin96]

Just curious , if you feel comfortable answering; what has been your reason to ctb? btw there is nothing wrong with rethinking. anyone with a sliver of hope or desire to live and/or loving family or friends should seriously think through ctb before acting. You're knowledge and perspective are always appreciated here.

 

[Battered_Seoul]

Good for you, Trashcan. A compassionate and wise perspective.

 

[Arak]

@Trashcan ,

Can you do something that makes living worthwhile ?

 

[Circles]

Whenever it comes time to ctb, or whenever I have an opportunity, I always back out. I've thought about it and realized if I keep backing out, maybe I should look and see if it's possible to improve my life. I don't want to crush my parents. They'll probably never get over it if I ctb, and one of the things that makes it hard to go through with it is thinking about their reaction to finding out. For a long while I thought I was a burden and they'd be better off without me (and to be fair, I am a bit of burden), but they wouldn't be happy. They would be devastated. I'm lucky to have the loving, supportive parents I do.

I'll keep the supplies just in case. I love this forum due to how supportive and kind everyone is, so I'll probably continue going on it. But I am going to have to rethink ctb.

And may all of you find peace no matter what you decide to do.

Good for you man and I'm glad that you can see some worth in life despite all the pain you've endured. May I ask for advice what are the steps you're going to take to improve your life?

 

[Schopenhauer]

That's great, Trashcan. You seemed really irresolute for a while, so it's nice to see you taking a stance. It's always better, no matter which side you've chosen.

 

[Ashpac]

Whenever it comes time to ctb, or whenever I have an opportunity, I always back out. I've thought about it and realized if I keep backing out, maybe I should look and see if it's possible to improve my life. I don't want to crush my parents. They'll probably never get over it if I ctb, and one of the things that makes it hard to go through with it is thinking about their reaction to finding out. For a long while I thought I was a burden and they'd be better off without me (and to be fair, I am a bit of burden), but they wouldn't be happy. They would be devastated. I'm lucky to have the loving, supportive parents I do.

I'll keep the supplies just in case. I love this forum due to how supportive and kind everyone is, so I'll probably continue going on it. But I am going to have to rethink ctb.

And may all of you find peace no matter what you decide to do.

Thats great news for you and your family. I hope it works out.

Im still on the road to recovery, this is my 15th night without any alcohol which definitely helps keep the demons away, not all of them but alot of them.

I love this forum too thats why I come on here still, its a great community to be apart of.

 

[Trashcan]

Aww thanks everyone, you guys are too kind. *warm hugs to you all*

Just curious , if you feel comfortable answering; what has been your reason to ctb? btw there is nothing wrong with rethinking. anyone with a sliver of hope or desire to live and/or loving family or friends should seriously think through ctb before acting. You're knowledge and perspective are always appreciated here.

Mainly due to mental disorders making life hard to live and I think I might have fucked up my life beyond repair. I did poorly in high school (thought I'd be dead by 18) and it has hurt me. I am so behind in everything academically and am worried about my career options. I have my GED and didn't do very well on it, although I passed.

@Trashcan ,

Can you do something that makes living worthwhile ?

I'll have to see. I might go back to my therapist. She was 1 in a million and chose the right profession.

 

[optimumorange]

Whenever it comes time to ctb, or whenever I have an opportunity, I always back out. I've thought about it and realized if I keep backing out, maybe I should look and see if it's possible to improve my life. I don't want to crush my parents. They'll probably never get over it if I ctb, and one of the things that makes it hard to go through with it is thinking about their reaction to finding out. For a long while I thought I was a burden and they'd be better off without me (and to be fair, I am a bit of burden), but they wouldn't be happy. They would be devastated. I'm lucky to have the loving, supportive parents I do.

I'll keep the supplies just in case. I love this forum due to how supportive and kind everyone is, so I'll probably continue going on it. But I am going to have to rethink ctb.

And may all of you find peace no matter what you decide to do.

i feel you on thinking your a burden to your family i'm 17 and unemployed because of my severe OCD and anxiety issues and probably will never get a regular job in the future. i dropped out of school because i hated going because everyone made me feel unwelcome and i got picked on a lot and i said fuck it it's time to get a GED. if i'm still alive by the time i'm in my 20's it's gonna be really embarassing when people ask about my living and financial situations.

 

[Trashcan]

i feel you on thinking your a burden to your family i'm 17 and unemployed because of my severe OCD and anxiety issues and probably will never get a regular job in the future. i dropped out of school because i hated going because everyone made me feel unwelcome and i got picked on a lot and i said fuck it it's time to get a GED. if i'm still alive by the time i'm in my 20's it's gonna be really embarassing when people ask about my living and financial situations.

Hi, I'm sorry you're going through that. :( I was in the same situation, couldn't hold down a job until a few months prior to turning 20 (I managed to get hired for 2 other jobs and quit on the spot in less than a month for both of them), had to get my GED, and struggled at a junior college. I'm embarrassed because I'll be someone in their 20s who has to take a remedial course, I'll probably the oldest one there. But I have to learn math if I want even a shot. I also have to look into something with an associates degree, because I just can't do a bachelors. May you find peace from your situation.

 

[BellaKAT]

Hi, I'm sorry you're going through that. :( I was in the same situation, couldn't hold down a job until a few months prior to turning 20 (I managed to get hired for 2 other jobs and quit on the spot in less than a month for both of them), had to get my GED, and struggled at a junior college. I'm embarrassed because I'll be someone in their 20s who has to take a remedial course, I'll probably the oldest one there. But I have to learn math if I want even a shot. I also have to look into something with an associates degree, because I just can't do a bachelors. May you find peace from your situation.

Nothing to be embarrassed of there are all kinds of reasons people complete education later in life. You seem so smart it's hard to believe you struggle in school but I think mental health issues play a big role ability to learn and do well with institutional education.

 

[Gainax]

Ive wasted many years of my life being depressed and thinking about ctb and never really do it and it cost me dearly in terms of jobs oportunities and other good things in life

...so dont be like me

If you cant do it after a few months here it means youre not at the bottom yet, so give another chance at life but give all you got

 

[Battered_Seoul]

Living your life assuming you'll CTB at some arbitrary point in the near future is a massive error, one I've made many times and that always makes life worse. CTB is an option; never a destiny. Always stay in control as much as you can.

As long as you are alive, you are right to make choices that your future self may benefit from. Good luck!

Christ, I'm tired. Apologies if that made no sense.

 

[Cee]

i feel u on this one. some days im SO certain ill be dead within the week, and i feel more than ready to go through with it, but i always come down and decide not to. If i had everything ready, then maybe i'd just have to wait for one of those moods to hit again and off i'd go. At the same time though, i wonder what my life will be like if i just try? i'm not willing to put in much effort, but maybe it would be ok even if i just scrape by? I dont know, i feel like i owe it to myself to die, yet at the same time, to live. Suicide is very complex and i dont fully understand how i feel about it. I dont know how much longer ill be around, everyday truly is entireley new and up in the air in terms of my emotions and stance on ctb. I dont want to continue to life i have now and i dont expect that it will get better, but i just dont know. Most likely outcome is i will at the very least make an attempt within the next year, ill use what ive got and if i die then that means it was meant to be, if i make it through, so be it.

 

[Roph]

Good luck to you.

 

[WaitingForTheBus]

Pro choice, to live or to die, it is your choice. Personally, I think this decision is a reason to celebrate. After all, you defeated your demons that told you that death was the only option for you.

TBH, I honestly hope that I can find a reason to live before it's too late. Although, I just know that I will end up here sometime in the future again anyway, so maybe not. It's a cycle that keeps repeating.

All the best to you though, you deserve some happiness. Now get outta here and go kick the world ass.

 

[Radaghest]

Whenever it comes time to ctb, or whenever I have an opportunity, I always back out. I've thought about it and realized if I keep backing out, maybe I should look and see if it's possible to improve my life. I don't want to crush my parents. They'll probably never get over it if I ctb, and one of the things that makes it hard to go through with it is thinking about their reaction to finding out. For a long while I thought I was a burden and they'd be better off without me (and to be fair, I am a bit of burden), but they wouldn't be happy. They would be devastated. I'm lucky to have the loving, supportive parents I do.

I'll keep the supplies just in case. I love this forum due to how supportive and kind everyone is, so I'll probably continue going on it. But I am going to have to rethink ctb.

And may all of you find peace no matter what you decide to do.

Im glad youre still here. Its selfish, but I enjoy seeing your posts.
I also keep delaying or failing.
But this forum helps me to know Im not alone.
And, that has actually helped improve my depression these last few weeks.

 

[AndyCurious]

Im glad youre still here. Its selfish, but I enjoy seeing your posts.
I also keep delaying or failing.
But this forum helps me to know Im not alone.
And, that has actually helped improve my depression these last few weeks.

I'm happy for you :) Hugs

 

[LostitAll]

I've seen the initials "CTB" thrown around here a lot. What does it stand for?

 

[Arak]

@LostitAll, catch the bus ... not sure why. Legal reasons ? Fears of being sectioned ?

 

[Final Escape]

I'm really glad you decided to live. It's actually very sad that so many of us are feeling like we have no other options. It may or may not be true for some of us but it still shouldn't be this way. It's more courageous to overcome your challenges and try to live in my opinion. Especially if you are in good health and there's still opportunity for u to accomplish some things that can give you meaning. I don't think it's easier to live than to die, but it is difficult to overcome the survival instinct. You literally have to be pushed to the brink and be in so much suffering that death is a welcome option. Unless you are very impulsive and don't think things through. Then your death may be more of an accident even though you caused it.

 

[Fallen bad23]

Whenever it comes time to ctb, or whenever I have an opportunity, I always back out. I've thought about it and realized if I keep backing out, maybe I should look and see if it's possible to improve my life. I don't want to crush my parents. They'll probably never get over it if I ctb, and one of the things that makes it hard to go through with it is thinking about their reaction to finding out. For a long while I thought I was a burden and they'd be better off without me (and to be fair, I am a bit of burden), but they wouldn't be happy. They would be devastated. I'm lucky to have the loving, supportive parents I do.

I'll keep the supplies just in case. I love this forum due to how supportive and kind everyone is, so I'll probably continue going on it. But I am going to have to rethink ctb.

And may all of you find peace no matter what you decide to do.

It is great that you can see a ray of light and I'm very happy that you came around. I truly hope that you find a way to get your peace of mind. Know that we are always here for you :)

 

[Trashcan]

Now I'm regretting not ctb on Monday. :(

 

[Fallen bad23]

Now I'm regretting not ctb on Monday. :(

Since you are here now and not dead yet just try to do what you enjoy. You can always ctb anytime you want so just try to relax and live a little.