Venting Searching

[Sooniwontbehuman]

I keep searching on this forum, and I don't really know what I am looking for. I want help but I don't know what I want help with. I don't know why I am here, I thought it was to find someone to do it with, but idk if thats a good idea, id end up getting attached and not wanting them to die. I honestly don't know anything at this point except I want to die, but I am a coward, both for wanting to, and for not doing it.

 

[oopswronglife]

You are not a coward. You are human. Nobody wants to be here. Ending existence is the hardest thing anyone will ever do....harder than living out a life in pain...and nobody REALLY wants it down deep. They want the pain to end and it seems like the only way. Sometimes it is...sometimes it's not.

Your feelings about partnering are common and valid too. It's hard enough to accept your own end...if you are any kind of decent human being at all the idea of participating in another's will sicken you. Even when you can justify it like say they have a terminal illness and you KNOW its a mercy...it will still hurt and sicken you. Sometimes both parties are so far gone, hopeless, and disassociated they can manage this...the idea of having someone's hand to hold is a childlike instinct and we all feel it, but you obviously aren't there.

I say a lot "You won't be any more dead tonight than tomorrow or a week or whenever. If there is any doubt or confusion that's a clue. It sounds trite...but when you are ready...you KNOW it. Don't beat yourself up because you are not. It's just being a human being.

 

[KSnSn]

(I saw you on Introduction thread, but I don`t want to mess that thread, so I reply you here)
You are only 18
Do you study in high school or university?
Do you study well in school?
Where are you from?

 

[Sooniwontbehuman]

(I saw you on Introduction thread, but I don`t want to mess that thread, so I reply you here)
You are only 18
Do you study in high school or university?
Do you study well in school?
Where are you from?

Yea im 18 in college rn. I do really well in school, it's the only thing im good at. Its my asian side coming out lol. Massachusetts, USA.

 

[Astral316]

You live in Mass, too? I'm terribly sorry.

 

[Sooniwontbehuman]

You live in Mass, too? I'm terribly sorry.

Well I love mass, thats not really the problem. But thankyou.