-nobodyknows-
Specialist
- Jun 16, 2024
- 384
Ah, I am not well.
I know that I am a pretty annoying person. When I open up to someone, I get way too attached and clingy. I think it is because being around them helps me feel a bit better. And so I try to be with them as much as much as possible.
Needless to say, people tend to get sick of this sort of thing, unfortunately. It's not really their fault, they are busy with other things. I make sure to ask beforehand if it's okay to hang out and do not press things if they say they are busy.
But… it still drives people away. Maybe it's because they feel guilty? Or don't like the idea of me relying on them? I don't really get it, but I do accept it. I imagine that hearing me speak about things is also quite disturbing, though I do ask if it's okay before I go there. They still tend to change their minds rather quickly about being okay with that sort of thing though. I guess it's too sad to hear, so they'd rather not know.
I know that I am not the center of the world. I do not want to be. But I do wish people could be able to handle this a bit better. I don't know how, and I know it's stupid, but I really hope I can meet someone who is okay with that. It's hard though because people think they are and they say it's okay and then only later realize that they can't deal with it.
I wish I wasn't like this. I want friends. I want to have a romantic relationship. I want a family of my own.
But I can't. I am simply not well enough to connect with people anymore without exposing a side of myself that inevitably drives everyone away.
If only the world was a little bit kinder in that regard. That hearing about such things would not cause people to want to stay away, but instead spend more time with you.
I see the warm, bright people with strong social lives, and I am quite jealous of them. I wish I could be like that. They are like the warm rays of the sun, but I am like the cold snowfall.
I am not like other people. I have known that for a very long time. I don't know specifically what it is, but there is something very wrong with me.
I try to hope for the future. I have tried for many years. But I don't know how to hope any more. I am so tired.
I have reached the point where, once I am in a place I can go, and in such a place the one who will find me is not someone who knows me, I will go. Given my current circumstances, this will probably not be for a while. But I do not think it will be any more than a year.
So… what do I do during that time?
I suppose I will keep looking. I don't really believe such a person exists, but I have nothing better to do.
But if you do exist, please find me. I would rather things not end that way.
I know that I am a pretty annoying person. When I open up to someone, I get way too attached and clingy. I think it is because being around them helps me feel a bit better. And so I try to be with them as much as much as possible.
Needless to say, people tend to get sick of this sort of thing, unfortunately. It's not really their fault, they are busy with other things. I make sure to ask beforehand if it's okay to hang out and do not press things if they say they are busy.
But… it still drives people away. Maybe it's because they feel guilty? Or don't like the idea of me relying on them? I don't really get it, but I do accept it. I imagine that hearing me speak about things is also quite disturbing, though I do ask if it's okay before I go there. They still tend to change their minds rather quickly about being okay with that sort of thing though. I guess it's too sad to hear, so they'd rather not know.
I know that I am not the center of the world. I do not want to be. But I do wish people could be able to handle this a bit better. I don't know how, and I know it's stupid, but I really hope I can meet someone who is okay with that. It's hard though because people think they are and they say it's okay and then only later realize that they can't deal with it.
I wish I wasn't like this. I want friends. I want to have a romantic relationship. I want a family of my own.
But I can't. I am simply not well enough to connect with people anymore without exposing a side of myself that inevitably drives everyone away.
If only the world was a little bit kinder in that regard. That hearing about such things would not cause people to want to stay away, but instead spend more time with you.
I see the warm, bright people with strong social lives, and I am quite jealous of them. I wish I could be like that. They are like the warm rays of the sun, but I am like the cold snowfall.
I am not like other people. I have known that for a very long time. I don't know specifically what it is, but there is something very wrong with me.
I try to hope for the future. I have tried for many years. But I don't know how to hope any more. I am so tired.
I have reached the point where, once I am in a place I can go, and in such a place the one who will find me is not someone who knows me, I will go. Given my current circumstances, this will probably not be for a while. But I do not think it will be any more than a year.
So… what do I do during that time?
I suppose I will keep looking. I don't really believe such a person exists, but I have nothing better to do.
But if you do exist, please find me. I would rather things not end that way.
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