screaming into the void

[jphouellebecq]

My apologies for taking up space and yelling into the void.

I feel like I'm drowning. I don't think people view me as a person with emotions or thoughts or even as a person in general.

My partner of 6 years just beats me down and makes me feel horrible over small mistakes. I try my hardest, but it's never enough.
At work, it's "more more more" I can never do enough to even get an "attaboy". I pull so much more than my own weight there, but yet they always want more from me.
At home, my family doesn't even notice when I'm home.

When people in the rare occasion do ask how I am, I can tell it's just out of obligation, not genuine care.

I've struggles with self harm for years and recently started again for some relief.

It might be uncommon on this forum, but I am a religious person. Every night I pray to finally be taken, but to no avail.

I have planned out how to end my life, step by step to a tee.
I feel myself sinking lower, it can't be far off at this point.

**obvs. I know this seems so stupid with not enough explanation, just trying to remain vague to maintain some level of anonymity

 

[WH101]

I don't know enough of your situation. But I feel like maybe and if it's plausible some changes in your life might be beneficial to you. 1) being the partner who "beats you down " and 2)maybe your job. Life's too long/ short I feel to have problems that can be ridden easily. (I day easily but again I don't know your whole situation) .
Think of yourself for once!

 

[unsaiddes]

Sometimes you just need to get it off your chest. Being held to an impossibly high standard in your work and personal life is suffocating, not feeling truly heard or loved even more so. I hope you can find some solace here or elsewhere.

 

[cami]

hey my love, you don't need to apologise for anything. we're on a floating rock, and space is endless. we're happy to listen, and i promise i care.

 

[jphouellebecq]

hey my love, you don't need to apologise for anything. we're on a floating rock, and space is endless. we're happy to listen, and i promise i care.

tysm

Sometimes you just need to get it off your chest. Being held to an impossibly high standard in your work and personal life is suffocating, not feeling truly heard or loved even more so. I hope you can find some solace here or elsewhere.

exactly so, here there is some relief

I don't know enough of your situation. But I feel like maybe and if it's plausible some changes in your life might be beneficial to you. 1) being the partner who "beats you down " and 2)maybe your job. Life's too long/ short I feel to have problems that can be ridden easily. (I day easily but again I don't know your whole situation) .
Think of yourself for once!

I appreciate your reply, definitely agree

 

[FuneralCry]

It's horrible how humans just create even more suffering, but sadly it's just the harsh reality of existing here in this dreadful world, it must be so awful and tiring what you have to endure. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[jphouellebecq]

It's horrible how humans just create even more suffering, but sadly it's just the harsh reality of existing here in this dreadful world, it must be so awful and tiring what you have to endure. But anyway I wish you the best.

Thank you, I appreciate your kindness