I have two ideas what to write today. Either a personal thread. I am glad I passed my exam still I feel bad because the grade ruins my GPA and I am obsessed by performance pressure. Though something way worse happened. I did a lot of escapism in the last 2 weeks and after a point it helped. But the cruel reality haunts me back. I asked my mom how she is doing at work. And she started crying...I think she is overburdened and this increases the likelihood she had a second stroke. If my mom dies I will ctb quickly afterwards. Due to the fact I passed my exam I have more leeway to prepare me for that. Though it is likelier she might be disabled. This will a huge financial hit for our family. And we are already in big trouble because me and my sister cannot work. Not sure what I shall do if she is a nursing case. I am kind of scared my suicide could kill her. But I decided for a different thread idea.
Something kind of weird happened today. I have to spare out some details of that story. It is about a young woman that opened up to her friends about suicidality. It was kind of telling and surprising for me. I cannot explain every aspect of it. The woman that talked about her suicidality might be on this forum and could possibly identify me. (I am just kind of paranoid I know). The likelihood is very low but I try to be cautious. Gladly this forum is not that popular in my country. The media in my country seemingly understands the streisand effect in contrast to many media outlets in other countries.
I told my friends about what happened in detail. The question arised whether her friends or this whole group of people can be callled "normies" Whether these people should be called normies. To put it into a context her friends did not react well when she opened up to say at least. My friends replied these people are no normies rather complete depraved morons. I replied I had a lot of bad experiences talking about suicidality with many people. And I have the feeling the average person has a problematic reaction in many cases. You can also see that when you read cases in this forum. Not a few people said they lost friends after a suicide attempt. I think the reactions are probably quite heterogenous though I have the feeling many people react in a stupid way because they associate a lot of prejudices with suicide. So the reaction depends on the people. However I don't want to take people the courage to open up to someone. I am pretty good in evaluating whether a person is trustworthy enough for such a secret. My bullying in my teenager time made me pretty sensible for that. It is a huge relief for me that I can be fully transparent in front of two of my best friends. A third close friend knows a lot but he said the topic upsets him too much and it is not healthy for him. I respect that and I have no problem with that. I know that such a close friendship is really a privilege. For me I got rewarded for opening up to my closest friends. Their reactions were not always perfect but I know they deeply love me and would never want to hurt me.
I think this does not necessarily apply to the people I will describe. My friends said these people are not representative for "normies". Honestly I am not fully sure. I could imagine for a young demographic that does no have experienced pain themselves I could imagine that many are not sensitive at all. I had to listen to a lot of bullshit takes when my family learned about my suicidality. It reminded me of when someone kind of alluded to me that she watches people dying on reddit just for fun.
Okay now after this insane long introduction here comes the story. I would like to describe it word for word in all detail. Though this would increase the risk of being identified. So sadly I cannot do ithat.
I am sometimes in an online chat group on social media (not this forum). Not with my real name but I won't specify that further. Today I read a weird chat in a closed group betwen some people
There was a group of 5 people that chatted. The story is complicated but they often joked together. Also quite insensitive and politically incorrect jokes. One young woman struggled a lot recently. She was kind of in a crisis. Then she slightly admitted in a subtle way she had suicidal thoughts in the past. Hell broke lose after that. One person was shocked and asked her whether this was a joke. Others added laughing emojies. And one person (this really shocked me). He literally and explicitly encouraged her to commit suicide. These people know each other in real life but I never met one of them. This encouragement was in a form of a joke. Though this seemingly was the first reaction after a friend of you admits that she was suicidal in the past? I considered to write her a direct message afterwards but I barely know her or the other people. They have a close bond with each other I am just a stranger that knows them through online interactions.
I would love to write the exact quotes of these statements. Though the risk is too high for me. After this exchange a number of approximately one million jokes about suicide followed. (instead of calling out the guy who literally encouraged her to commit suicide.) But really the explicit and literal encouragement just to do it follows from someone that you would call a friend shocked me. And this was the fucking first reaction of him. The young woman took a long break to post afterwards while they were exchanging countless jokes about suicide. I really wondered what was going through her mind in these moments. I felt really bad for her. But for some reasons a direct message could have backfired for me for several reasons. She did not seem to be acute suicidal though the implications of such an experience are kind of obvious.
If shit like that happens I don't wonder why people don't want to open up about suicidality, Such an experience must be pretty traumatizing. I felt very sorry for her. I could speculate which prejudices drove them to such a behavior. To which extent joking about suicide might be okay. Though I think in these instances it was completely inappropriate.
It reminded me of something. I was one time in an institution for people who struggle to work. The highest guy at this office humiliated me and my mom so much that we both had to cry during in the conversation. I told him I am suicidal and he kind of encouraged me to do it. Though I assume this is rather an exception in such offices. Well I am now way more sceptical whether I really want to live on welfare if such people work in similar institutions.
I am not sure what I shall conclude from that. I think most of these people were pretty young and many of them never experienced a blow of fate. Maybe these just did not know any proper reaction for it and refered to jokes instead. Though maybe I am too polite towards them.
I could write too many more words about. I would like to give more details in which environment that happened and in which context. But that is too risky for me.
I am really exhausted and this thread was pretty damn long. I just lost once again more hope in the existence of humanity on this planet. Kind of disappointed but also with my experiences I was not fully unprepared for such an outcome. I experienced way too many horrendous and cynical takes on suicide myself as a reply. This makes me even more cautious who to trust. My college friends have no clue I am suicidal. But in front of one of them I alluded it in a very very subtle. So subtle that her forgot it shortly afterwards and we never talked about it again. But he really is a great and honest good guy.
Are you shocked about such a behavior? I just kind of realized this thread is sort of long. Lol.
Something kind of weird happened today. I have to spare out some details of that story. It is about a young woman that opened up to her friends about suicidality. It was kind of telling and surprising for me. I cannot explain every aspect of it. The woman that talked about her suicidality might be on this forum and could possibly identify me. (I am just kind of paranoid I know). The likelihood is very low but I try to be cautious. Gladly this forum is not that popular in my country. The media in my country seemingly understands the streisand effect in contrast to many media outlets in other countries.
I told my friends about what happened in detail. The question arised whether her friends or this whole group of people can be callled "normies" Whether these people should be called normies. To put it into a context her friends did not react well when she opened up to say at least. My friends replied these people are no normies rather complete depraved morons. I replied I had a lot of bad experiences talking about suicidality with many people. And I have the feeling the average person has a problematic reaction in many cases. You can also see that when you read cases in this forum. Not a few people said they lost friends after a suicide attempt. I think the reactions are probably quite heterogenous though I have the feeling many people react in a stupid way because they associate a lot of prejudices with suicide. So the reaction depends on the people. However I don't want to take people the courage to open up to someone. I am pretty good in evaluating whether a person is trustworthy enough for such a secret. My bullying in my teenager time made me pretty sensible for that. It is a huge relief for me that I can be fully transparent in front of two of my best friends. A third close friend knows a lot but he said the topic upsets him too much and it is not healthy for him. I respect that and I have no problem with that. I know that such a close friendship is really a privilege. For me I got rewarded for opening up to my closest friends. Their reactions were not always perfect but I know they deeply love me and would never want to hurt me.
I think this does not necessarily apply to the people I will describe. My friends said these people are not representative for "normies". Honestly I am not fully sure. I could imagine for a young demographic that does no have experienced pain themselves I could imagine that many are not sensitive at all. I had to listen to a lot of bullshit takes when my family learned about my suicidality. It reminded me of when someone kind of alluded to me that she watches people dying on reddit just for fun.
Okay now after this insane long introduction here comes the story. I would like to describe it word for word in all detail. Though this would increase the risk of being identified. So sadly I cannot do ithat.
I am sometimes in an online chat group on social media (not this forum). Not with my real name but I won't specify that further. Today I read a weird chat in a closed group betwen some people
There was a group of 5 people that chatted. The story is complicated but they often joked together. Also quite insensitive and politically incorrect jokes. One young woman struggled a lot recently. She was kind of in a crisis. Then she slightly admitted in a subtle way she had suicidal thoughts in the past. Hell broke lose after that. One person was shocked and asked her whether this was a joke. Others added laughing emojies. And one person (this really shocked me). He literally and explicitly encouraged her to commit suicide. These people know each other in real life but I never met one of them. This encouragement was in a form of a joke. Though this seemingly was the first reaction after a friend of you admits that she was suicidal in the past? I considered to write her a direct message afterwards but I barely know her or the other people. They have a close bond with each other I am just a stranger that knows them through online interactions.
I would love to write the exact quotes of these statements. Though the risk is too high for me. After this exchange a number of approximately one million jokes about suicide followed. (instead of calling out the guy who literally encouraged her to commit suicide.) But really the explicit and literal encouragement just to do it follows from someone that you would call a friend shocked me. And this was the fucking first reaction of him. The young woman took a long break to post afterwards while they were exchanging countless jokes about suicide. I really wondered what was going through her mind in these moments. I felt really bad for her. But for some reasons a direct message could have backfired for me for several reasons. She did not seem to be acute suicidal though the implications of such an experience are kind of obvious.
If shit like that happens I don't wonder why people don't want to open up about suicidality, Such an experience must be pretty traumatizing. I felt very sorry for her. I could speculate which prejudices drove them to such a behavior. To which extent joking about suicide might be okay. Though I think in these instances it was completely inappropriate.
It reminded me of something. I was one time in an institution for people who struggle to work. The highest guy at this office humiliated me and my mom so much that we both had to cry during in the conversation. I told him I am suicidal and he kind of encouraged me to do it. Though I assume this is rather an exception in such offices. Well I am now way more sceptical whether I really want to live on welfare if such people work in similar institutions.
I am not sure what I shall conclude from that. I think most of these people were pretty young and many of them never experienced a blow of fate. Maybe these just did not know any proper reaction for it and refered to jokes instead. Though maybe I am too polite towards them.
I could write too many more words about. I would like to give more details in which environment that happened and in which context. But that is too risky for me.
I am really exhausted and this thread was pretty damn long. I just lost once again more hope in the existence of humanity on this planet. Kind of disappointed but also with my experiences I was not fully unprepared for such an outcome. I experienced way too many horrendous and cynical takes on suicide myself as a reply. This makes me even more cautious who to trust. My college friends have no clue I am suicidal. But in front of one of them I alluded it in a very very subtle. So subtle that her forgot it shortly afterwards and we never talked about it again. But he really is a great and honest good guy.
Are you shocked about such a behavior? I just kind of realized this thread is sort of long. Lol.
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