School

[ganpres37]

anyone else think that a reason you may be suicidal is due to school? i think it's a reason for me, i don't have many friends and i'm painfully shy, my grades aren't the best ever since i became suicidal, etc. it's a very draining environment.

 

[Anon1337]

One of the many reasons. School was horrible for me. I hated having no friends and being looked down upon.

 

[sadsoul]

For me school and being shy/having no friends are definitely two major reasons for wanting to ctb.

 

[Neon]

Yeah school is definitely a reason, the competitive environment, the social hierarchy, the feeling that you need to do certain things before a certain time, and you're a loser if you don't, tons of things in school can lead to depression and suicidal thoughts, it's definitely one of my key reasons. I suck at school.

 

[trilogy]

this couldn't be anymore true

 

[Makoto Naegi]

Yeah honestly. I've always been depressed but it's so bad now I can't do anything. I went from being the one that made the highest ACT score in the state last year to literally having a fucking 9 in human anatomy. I felt better back in middle school when all my grades sucked because I didn't try and didn't care tbh.

 

[Trashcan]

It's one of many reasons. I'm behind where I should be, hate school, and am not really willing to put a lot of effort into it. But I also have to be a good student to get anywhere.

 

[worldexploder]

It certainly contributes. Many people CTB due to the situations they have to face in school. When I was attending, I was picked on by the students and ignored by the teachers. Nobody stood up for me.

Sort of off subject - but I wanted to drop out at sixteen but my aunt made me graduate. I wasn't being bullied at the time but had enough of school. I told her a couple months ago that looking back, she should have let me drop out since I never used my diploma to find a job. She was like "at least you got it...you beat the odds and accomplished something".....ugh don't understand that logic!

How is that accomplishing anything. How did I "beat the odds". My life sucks and I'm on the verge of ending it ffs! Symbolic shit like that piece of paper confirming that I graduated doesn't mean a mother fuck to me. It's the quality of my life that counts.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

School was definitely a contributing factor for me. I think it still bothers me now, years later

 

[RM5998]

School was a mixed bag for me - especially middle and high school. I wasn't entirely friendless, but I did become aware of my own mediocrity and aloneness. And while it was liberating for a while, I did become more and more insular and unable to form interpersonal connections. The rat race shouldn't have been a problem for me to deal with (because I was near the head of the race) but I became increasingly aware of how my poor financial situation would force me to settle for a lower quality life than my friends who were born rich. I started out grudging them for it, but later fell into a state where I couldn't be bothered to put effort into anything - which is where I am now. Except for CTBing, which has been around since the time I saw how my lack of monetary resources had fucked over my childhood.

 

[Schopenhauer]

I've been out of school for years now (got my degree back in 2002). The experience was awful, specially during high-school. Being forced together with many immature people is a recipe for disaster.

 

[Zaynaldeen]

anyone else think that a reason you may be suicidal is due to school? i think it's a reason for me, i don't have many friends and i'm painfully shy, my grades aren't the best ever since i became suicidal, etc. it's a very draining environment.

You know what you have to do kiddo

Just kidding, since 2 years ago I completely isolated myself from everyone else and I always just go outside and take a walk during breaktime. You start to realise that most people aren't useful to you in any way and are mostly assholes. Though I'm not suicidal because of school, I don't care about 'friends' in any way. I've like one real friend, all I do with him is play a bit of videogames. You can really live without friends, in the end they're there to mostly drag you down. I didn't believe in real friendship ever since I was 12. It's also easy for me to avoid bullies, everytime some tried to look down on me and joke about me, I laughed with them and passively insulted them, when they tried to act all tough pretending they could beat me up, I'd do the same and kick them in the knee as hard as I can. Eventually no one tried to bully me anymore, now it's just me and my thoughts during breaktime.

 

[ouvreyes]

It's actually about 95% of the reason for me (in high school now). Not a friend thing— I'm alone by choice, I'd like to think. But the pressure of doing well and going to a good college. Expectations and stuff. The other 5% is college itself and whatever comes after, but I don't plan on being alive for it anyway.

 

[oldgray]

to be fair i've been lucky, i've never been bullied or anything and even if i went through the last 5 years of school without friends people have always been nice enough.
still i fucking hated school, but now that it actually ended HOO BOI school was heaven compared to this.
i mean, sure i was depressed, hopeless and suicidal anyway, but at least it was 6~8 hours and most of the time i minded my own business.
also it was something like an excuse to use with others? like i'm a failure who does nothing all day long and i'm wasting my life but i'm a student i have to think about students stuff so it's ok.

 

[Jen Erik]

University was when I had my first breakdown, like when I felt a profound shift for the worst in my mental well-being. I was under tremendous stress both at school and in a very unhealthy relationship, so maybe I would have fared better had I not had the relationship to muck my way through? Not sure.

 

[Cee]

going to school everyday makes me physically sick, so yeah its a big factor. All the rules and stupid policies we have to follow for no reason. they treat everyone like a criminal rather than a student. in all fairness, most of the people at my school are untrustworthy bullies. im graduating in may (if i pass my classes and am still alive), but after that is just who knows how many years of college... conflict conflict conflict

 

[ThereIsNoHope]

So so,I have a metabolic disease and this make me feel bad when I'm in social environment like school

 

[Threads]

I went to university

 

[samsays89]

I'm pro-suicide, but school may not be that big of a deal. I was found truant twice, sent to a charter school, later dropped out of college, found a menial job as tech support in a call center, and then rose up a bit to management over 9 years.

If you can just pass and manage to get a job, your grades maybe won't be a big deal. If you still aren't happy, there are plenty of ways to ctb.

Or you can order some cheap ways to ctb now and just see how far you are comfortable going. That's where I'm at right now. I have all my SN supplies now and it's a nice feeling to know I just need 48 hours of solitude, but not a nice feeling of leaving my family mourning.

 

[Suicide47]

anyone else think that a reason you may be suicidal is due to school? i think it's a reason for me, i don't have many friends and i'm painfully shy, my grades aren't the best ever since i became suicidal, etc. it's a very draining environment.

I became suicidal in college when I was 17. I was also with my abusive ex at the time. I dropped out which made it worse bc I had to live up to the standards of my siblings who are doctors and I'm nothing. I never will be anything. But I feel like I'm too stupid for school so I need to make it another way. I want to go back but I know I will fail. I'm book smart, but now I have worse depression and anxiety and I would need to maintain a full time job as well. It just seems impossible. And with everything else that's been loaded onto me, I feel like I never will amount to anything. I'll always be a nobody, and that just makes me feel so much worse

 

[samsays89]

I became suicidal in college when I was 17. I was also with my abusive ex at the time. I dropped out which made it worse bc I had to live up to the standards of my siblings who are doctors and I'm nothing. I never will be anything. But I feel like I'm too stupid for school so I need to make it another way. I want to go back but I know I will fail. I'm book smart, but now I have worse depression and anxiety and I would need to maintain a full time job as well. It just seems impossible. And with everything else that's been loaded onto me, I feel like I never will amount to anything. I'll always be a nobody, and that just makes me feel so much worse

Your story sounds very tough and hard. Many people couldn't deal with it.

Sometimes sticking with it works, sometimes it doesn't. Most people won't understand what you went through, but you can try to get by. If it becomes too difficult, there are plenty of ways to ctb. SN is what I currently have. I hope you find what's best for you.