Scared of doing it

[Alisalyx]

I am scared of doing it... I'm scared of suffering, but i'm also scared that if only i waited a bit more thing would've changed, but I know things will not change. I'm just illuding myself. I just wanna be able to do it, I don't wanna deal with this pain anymore. I'm living on a false hope. How do I stop hoping? How do I make my brain accept that its done? That the only way out is that?
And I don't wanna live the day the person I care about the most will ctb...

 

[jussrav]

I am scared of doing it... I'm scared of suffering, but i'm also scared that if only i waited a bit more thing would've changed, but I know things will not change. I'm just illuding myself. I just wanna be able to do it, I don't wanna deal with this pain anymore. I'm living on a false hope. How do I stop hoping? How do I make my brain accept that its done? That the only way out is that?
And I don't wanna live the day the person I care about the most will ctb...

I want to hang aswell but cant seem to do it either. I dont want to survive and people keep walking in and out of my flat so I don't want to be saved.

 

[pole]

I'm sorry about what you're dealing with.

seems that your stuck in limbo, which can be frustrating.

there will always be fear when doing it, whether you feel it intensely beforehand to where it paralyzes you or when you feel prepared, but the fear by way of fight or flight takes over during the final few minutes after going through with an attempt.

imho, it takes time to address and deal with. there isn't necessarily a one-size-fits-all solution to numbing that fear and pushing you towards the edge. you may not be ready at this point in time for various reasons unique to you and that's OKAY. it's best to not be impulsive and take time with a serious decision like CTB.

i would recommend holding off on any attempt and really giving yourself a chance to come to peace with wanting to go on your own terms. not a push from anyone or encouragement, but you being the one who knows best when time is right and when they're ready.

regardless of whether you choose to live or CTB, i hope you find peace.

 

[UKscotty]

I think all of us here are scared of actually doing it or we'd be long gone.

SI is very difficult to overcome, likely the hardest possible thing for the brain to overcome.

All those who know the secret to overcoming the SI have escaped life and cannot share with us how they did it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really wish it's more straightforward to finally be free from this existence, it's cruel how it's so difficult to die and it must be dreadful dealing with those fears. A suicide attempt going wrong is also what I would fear, it's horrible how we even have to worry about that and cannot just leave in peace.