saw someone with similiar circumstances to mine yet they prevail, while I fail

[Bitterman1996]

The title sounds bit dramatic but it's just college related (no dramatic trauma...really). Well maybe because I fucking flunked out of med school because of depression, being bad at study, and not being able to let art and drawing go.

It's just I felt bitter when I saw this person less privileged yet able to create good arts/drawing while still managing their school life (incidentally same major as mine once was; med school). I'll say it frankly I felt bitter, I'm rusty yet not insistent enough in practicing. Whether it's study or art or any other skill, I don't think I've the consistency to get at it.

Incidentally I heard this is a common problem within adhd adults? I'm not diagnosed, stopped seeing therapist when my parents told me not to. Because I'm a pushover like that.

I'm just frustrated at this kind of bitterness. I don't regret quitting yet I still felt ashamed of it. Round and round it felt like as years came pass by I'm just digging a deeper hole. I don't know what's wrong with me, or if anything is even wrong at all, maybe I'm just "normal" and just absolutely dumb to the core.

Venting over
Sorry if my grammar and english sucks

 

[Deleted member 1465]

People are very complex. What floors one person, another might shrug off easily. Comparing yourself to others invariably leads to unhappiness. We all do our best. Sometimes we fail. Sometimes it's our fault and we can try and take something from the experience of failure and sometimes it's just dumb luck and there's nothing to be done.
Most people suffer from guilt or regret to an extent, but both are pretty much redundant emotions. However, that doesn't mean they are easy to let go of. If you can accept that it is normal to feel bad when you fail, then maybe it can be easier to find a place to stand to keep going.
And though I despair of human ignorance in society as a whole, I think on an individual level each of us just has to find what it's right for us to do. It's not a question of being clever or stupid, just doing what is most appropriate for each of us in terms of specific ability and how much fulfilment we get out of it.

 

[degeneratewaste]

this is an understandable feeling, but you should try not to compare yourself to other people. everybody is different, everyone's mind is different, and struggle is subjective.

you are depressed. things will be more difficult for you. I'm sorry for your pain, and I do understand why you would feel bitter like that, I often do. but remember to try and cut yourself some slack. you are unwell. <3

 

[imjustanemptyshell]

I feel you...and it really sucks... hugs...

 

[shy]

I dropped out of uni two times, probably gonna do it a third time. Learning is hard, especially if you don't know how you learn best. There's not one single approach that works for everyone and depression is probably worse than some learning disabilities. Med school is a stuck up place anyway, hope you find enjoyment in creating art instead and don't compare yourself to others.

 

[ovaltinee99]

Alternatively, there are people who are in arguably 'better' circumstances who choose to ctb anyway. Intelligent, attractive people who have money.

It's easy to judge people's lives from the outside. But we don't know what others are going through - their trauma, their brain chemicals, their learned responses to things, etc. Somebody's success/ failure is not always their own doing. So many things shape us - our upbringing, genes, life circumstances, luck, etc. We are taught that we are in our control of who we are, but life is much more complicated than that.

Please be gentle with yourself. You are not dumb. You managed to go to med school, a lot of people wouldn't have done so.

 

[Bitterman1996]

late reply

Alternatively, there are people who are in arguably 'better' circumstances who choose to ctb anyway. Intelligent, attractive people who have money.

It's easy to judge people's lives from the outside. But we don't know what others are going through - their trauma, their brain chemicals, their learned responses to things, etc. Somebody's success/ failure is not always their own doing. So many things shape us - our upbringing, genes, life circumstances, luck, etc. We are taught that we are in our control of who we are, but life is much more complicated than that.

Please be gentle with yourself. You are not dumb. You managed to go to med school, a lot of people wouldn't have done so.

yeah i realized im being overly petty when i know nothing about this person aside from their online presence--reflecting upon it now, i mainly feel bitter that someone could have the strength to do something fairly well in both field i am struggling with rn. i am not good with words, but often i wish i could let go this side of me and develop some kind of faux persona to mask it all (ie being naturally positive person/altruistic).