Venting Same theme, same person, blah blah

[whatevs]

I don't know what's wrong with me. I sometimes really enjoy reading suicide notes and the air of solemnity/finality of goodbye thread's. I seem to be marching towards death. I'm estranged from the rituals and strivings of humanity, only faintly interested in the distant glimmer of things that are not here. I can look like it isn't so dramatic, too. The mask I wear outside is thick, but my fear seeps out, perhaps my tiredness too... Fear of other people has made a consummate actor, but not a perfect one.

This romance with dying is simple to explain: I suffer. Suffering is a patient worker. It will dilligently take your love of existing, which perhaps in an act of legendary folly threw you into the womb, layer by layer. As I am stripped of them, I feel strange. The support in which my life lied is no longer there, and I'm staring into a void.

I always thought to myself, deep down, that I was just playing around with the forum as an excentric way to cope, and that I didn't want to die. But what seems to actually be happening is that the repeated punishment my mind offers me, my physical health problems and the strange inability to be social (to be agreeable and conform to a group) are making me rethink every day the convenience to keep dragging this character around.

 

[Angi]

I always thought to myself, deep down, that I was just playing around with the forum as an excentric way to cope, and that I didn't want to die. But what seems to actually be happening is that the repeated punishment my mind offers me, my physical health problems and the strange inability to be social (to be agreeable and conform to a group) are making me rethink every day the convenience to keep dragging this character around.

Not so deep down, actually, I read you saying this a couple of times. I guess I am in a similar boat, I like to think I am using this place to live, and this will be true until I use it to die.

Do know that I will miss you, if you choose to leave us. I value your take on many things. Sometimes you can be unnecessarily cruel to people, though. Do you know this? Is this where your social inability lies, or were you talking about something else?

Suffering is a dilligent bitch indeed. I like to compare pain to water, you can drown in it, but it can also, bit by bit, carve away the mountain.