I'm sorry you're feeling like this.
Hope you find peace soon, you deserve it.
Wish you the best, pal.
Thank you, it's been getting harder. Weed got me through a lot in the summer but it doesn't do it all the time anymore.
@SterileMoth, I'm sorry you're contemplating these things, but glad you have friends that you don't hate. Can you spend some time with some of them? Have you told any of them how you feel? Do you have a doctor you can talk with?
As others have said talk to your friends and explain the situation, they could be more than understanding...I hope you get the peace you need in life as your story is very touching...*virtual hug*
Thank you all ❤ I could probably tell some of them, a lot of them have been going through a lot though and I don't want to add on.
I have a therapist right now, I just started with a new one though and I'm not sure how it's going, don't have a relationship built up so it's a little more awkward still, I miss my old one.
Update?
The weather has been kicking my ass, we got a bit of snow, then a few weeks of warm for most of October, but now it's just cold and snowy and dark. It makes everything worse. I know it sounds trivial, but everything sucks more. I've employed a tattoo strategy, which is ... booking a tattoo when I'm sad so I have something to look forward to. So far we have one in February, and hopefully another within the next couple weeks. Who knew a breakup would lead to getting almost a full sleeve?
I still can't find a job, which sucks...the economy here is absolutely DYING and I'm stuck here, I'm not sure when it'll pick up enough again that I can find work. Just using savings right now lol. It feels hopeless when you can apply to 30+ jobs a day and hear nothing back, especially when the fucking app tells you how much competition you have ... Knowing 1000 other people applied does not comfort me.
I know it's more trivial shit, I just wanna whine and bitch and moan about this for a minute. I started crushing on one of my friends, mind you I've liked him for a WHILE, But it was just a lil baby crush cuz I was with my ex and I barely saw him. He and his ex broke up and we started hanging out a lot, he was really like "I'd like to go on a date with you" ... And then he started talking to ex again. Which kinda sucks. Stopped talking to me as much and now he's weird all the time too, also kinda sucks. I wouldn't really care if it was anyone else but his ex sucks a bit, knowing what she's done and how using she can be, especially when I had gotten super close then been dropped like that, just sucks. I give a shit about him for who knows what reason and I'm a bitch at losing feelings so I'm literally just chilling here WAITING to stop liking him. I never click super well with people and feel comfy and stuff though, like it's so rare so it SUCKS but it's okay. That's what I keep saying anyways. Not gonna lie, sucks to see healthy relationships too and go "Wow I didn't even have THAT for 3 years and I thought I did" while also "Ouch I'm so single" while my crush is with his ex a LOT just scared to commit to her again for valid reasons so why even fucking entertain the idea like just stop it's not worth it :) they already broke up twice bro just bro
I've been slipping in between not eating because I hate myself and don't want to eat cuz then at least I can do
one thing right (Eating disorder type thinking? Dunno) and self harm. I do one or the other. When I cut I don't obsess over food as much for a few days ... when I haven't cut in a bit, then we obsess over food again, we sit on our floor for 40 minutes agonizing over whether I should eat. It's funny how the healthy shit really only seems to last a bit, eventually the months wear down on you and you're back in the shit, in the dark, doing what you always do when you get sad again. I don't know man, is it possible to be the "happiest you've been in years", as I keep telling people for some reason, yet still wanting to die?
