Venting Running out of money

[TheGoodGuy]

I live in Denmark so I get some money to study and I have taken an additional student loan on top of that. This school year started the 13. August and I manage to lie by telling I have had the flue so I could get money for September so this is my last money before I get kicked out of school thereby having no money. So I will have to kms latest by the end of this month.

 

[Ben]

Ayyyy same reason my due date is coming up quick..

No way to pay rent! I'm so fucked up I would get fired within a hour at a job I'm overqualified for.

The end of this month is the end of Ben. If for some reason it isn't, it's the start of the depressing and infixable life of a hobo for Ben. I've been homeless before. Killing myself is the obvious answer to my problems.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Ayyyy same reason my due date is coming up quick..

No way to pay rent! I'm so fucked up I would get fired within a hour at a job I'm overqualified for.

The end of this month is the end of Ben. If for some reason it isn't, it's the start of the depressing and infixable life of a hobo for Ben. I've been homeless before. Killing myself is the obvious answer to my problems.

Very interesting so we are kind of in the same boat. What method have you considered and where do you live? I´m not trying to doxx you I am just curious if it´s the US (unlimited guns lol) or Europe etc.

 

[Ben]

Very interesting so we are kind of in the same boat. What method have you considered and where do you live? I´m not trying to doxx you I am just curious if it´s the US (unlimited guns lol) or Europe etc.

I failed with pills once and failed at an exit bag once. I'm not fucking around when it comes time to try the rope. I'm not offing myself tonight. Hell if I'm lucky they will just leave me alone, but right now, I'm preping to be cuffed right away here

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I'm preping to be cuffed right away here

What do you mean by that? Being cuffed for what?

 

[medusa]

I live in Denmark so I get some money to study and I have taken an additional student loan on top of that. This school year started the 13. August and I manage to lie by telling I have had the flue so I could get money for September so this is my last money before I get kicked out of school thereby having no money. So I will have to kms latest by the end of this month.

doesn't Denmark have social welfare or something?
I live in a country very close to you and we have welfare available.
So can't you go on that and then decide what to do?

 

[windingdown]

I live in Denmark so I get some money to study and I have taken an additional student loan on top of that. This school year started the 13. August and I manage to lie by telling I have had the flue so I could get money for September so this is my last money before I get kicked out of school thereby having no money. So I will have to kms latest by the end of this month.

Isn't the social support net very good in Denmark? Can you get unemployment insurance? Can you live with your parents until you get onto some sort of social program?

I can't imagine it's a good feeling to feel stuck in a corner, for something as weighty as ctb. I am sorry. There must be some other option?

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Isn't the social support net very good in Denmark? Can you get unemployment insurance? Can you live with your parents until you get onto some sort of social program?

I can't imagine it's a good feeling to feel stuck in a corner, for something as weighty as ctb. I am sorry. There must be some other option?

Yes to all of that, but my parents moved out of my childhood home and they actually don´t have a spare room in their new house but they would of course make room for me. And I could get back on welfare where I wouldn´t have any money at all so I would have to give up my car and they will push me to get back to work even though I can´t. Which is my main reason for kms because I have a throat problem that makes me take 3-4 times as long to eat a meal plus I have a ton of allergies so I can´t work because it´s impossible for me to consume enough calories in one day on a single launch break and I can´t get disability payment and because of my condition with my throat I have been choking 7 times in my life where my dad saved me the most of the times.

Because of my throat condition I can also not cope with food or drugs like many people do so they can drink alcohol or enjoy delicious foods or take drugs I can´t because of my throat and allergies for about everything so no cope for me. I also have a lot of other conditions such as psoriasis, scoliosis, and a back injury so I can´t even lift weight as part of bodybuilding as I used to love. (I`m 24yo btw).

So no there are no way out for me other than suicide, I envy all of you people with healthy bodies you have your mental struggles of course but you can at least cope with bodybuilding, eating delicious foods, drink or take drugs I cannot cope with anything to make my life better so I have to end it.

My parents also don´t know that I haven´t attended school they think I am doing great because I seem happy on the outside and I got excellent grades for the exams and I don´t want to worry them.

 

[windingdown]

Yes to all of that, but my parents moved out of my childhood home and they actually don´t have a spare room in their new house but they would of course make room for me. And I could get back on welfare where I wouldn´t have any money at all so I would have to give up my car and they will push me to get back to work even though I can´t. Which is my main reason for kms because I have a throat problem that makes me take 3-4 times as long to eat a meal plus I have a ton of allergies so I can´t work because it´s impossible for me to consume enough calories in one day on a single launch break and I can´t get disability payment and because of my condition with my throat I have been choking 7 times in my life where my dad saved me the most of the times.

Because of my throat condition I can also not cope with food or drugs like many people do so they can drink alcohol or enjoy delicious foods or take drugs I can´t because of my throat and allergies for about everything so no cope for me. I also have a lot of other conditions such as psoriasis, scoliosis, and a back injury so I can´t even lift weight as part of bodybuilding as I used to love. (I`m 24yo btw).

So no there are no way out for me other than suicide, I envy all of you people with healthy bodies you have your mental struggles of course but you can at least cope with bodybuilding, eating delicious foods, drink or take drugs I cannot cope with anything to make my life better so I have to end it.

My parents also don´t know that I haven´t attended school they think I am doing great because I seem happy on the outside and I got excellent grades for the exams and I don´t want to worry them.

Gosh, I'm really sorry to hear about your troubles. It sounds like you have quite a few difficult obstacles in life, and I really empathize.

It's not exactly the same thing as you, but even though my body is healthy, I have many struggles with it, too. I was always naturally slim and kept my weight down very easily, and suddenly I gain weight so easily that I am pretty much just eating boring vegetables every day, and I can't eat very much at all. I used to love chocolate and cakes - forget pleasurable foods now. Weight gain would not be such a big deal, but even though I am technically still slim, my body feels swollen all the time, and incredibly uncomfortable. If I gain an ounce, I am dying of discomfort.

My body is so uncomfortable now from feeling swollen that I can't even do yoga anymore, which I used to really enjoy.

So I can empathize about not being able to do the exercises that you used to enjoy. Also about the food - food and enjoyable movement are out of the running for me. Two things that make life enjoyable, or at least more bearable. I'm still coming to terms with these losses. I am 31, so not that old. I can only imagine what my body would feel like if I lived to 40, and started gaining weight from hormones. I can barely cope as it is.

It all feels very unfair.

It sounds like your parents might be happy to help you out, and perhaps you can buy yourself some time with them if you don't feel ready to ctb. It wouldn't feel good to have to give up your car, I imagine. I'm so surprised that you aren't eligible for disability! Are you sure?? I'm on disability, and I live in the U.S., where the social safety net is a lot worse than it is in Denmark. And I 'only' have mental illness.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Gosh, I'm really sorry to hear about your troubles. It sounds like you have quite a few difficult obstacles in life, and I really empathize.

It's not exactly the same thing as you, but even though my body is healthy, I have many struggles with it, too. I was always naturally slim and kept my weight down very easily, and suddenly I gain weight so easily that I am pretty much just eating boring vegetables every day, and I can't eat very much at all. I used to love chocolate and cakes - forget pleasurable foods now. Weight gain would not be such a big deal, but even though I am technically still slim, my body feels swollen all the time, and incredibly uncomfortable. If I gain an ounce, I am dying of discomfort.

My body is so uncomfortable now from feeling swollen that I can't even do yoga anymore, which I used to really enjoy.

So I can empathize about not being able to do the exercises that you used to enjoy. Also about the food - food and enjoyable movement are out of the running for me. Two things that make life enjoyable, or at least more bearable. I'm still coming to terms with these losses. I am 31, so not that old. I can only imagine what my body would feel like if I lived to 40, and started gaining weight from hormones. I can barely cope as it is.

It all feels very unfair.

It sounds like your parents might be happy to help you out, and perhaps you can buy yourself some time with them if you don't feel ready to ctb. It wouldn't feel good to have to give up your car, I imagine. I'm so surprised that you aren't eligible for disability! Are you sure?? I'm on disability, and I live in the U.S., where the social safety net is a lot worse than it is in Denmark. And I 'only' have mental illness.

I am sorry about your eating problem too it´s a terrible thing to suffer from; eating boring plain food while friends or people around you eat delicious foods. At some point I ate oatmeal for 3 meals a day and the fourth was something else. I have to eat 4 meals to get enough calories to maintain my weight and even so in the last months I have dropped from 63kg/138lbs to below 58kg/127lbs

When do you intend to ctb?

 

[RacilyDank]

Yep. I lost my well paid job just three weeks after getting a new place (which I hate living in) so soon I will not be able to pay the rent. Just another to add to a long list of reasons to ctb.

I can't believe only 5 months ago I had the world at my feet, my mental health, my job and the person I love. Now I've lost all of those things and am forced to live in this place day in day out and soon won't be able to afford to live even if I wanted to.

Sorry, rant over

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Yep. I lost my well paid job just three weeks after getting a new place (which I hate living in) so soon I will not be able to pay the rent. Just another to add to a long list of reasons to ctb.

I can't believe only 5 months ago I had the world at my feet, my mental health, my job and the person I love. Now I've lost all of those things and am forced to live in this place day in day out and soon won't be able to afford to live even if I wanted to.

Sorry, rant over

Everything is so damn fragile in life <3

 

[windingdown]

I am sorry about your eating problem too it´s a terrible thing to suffer from; eating boring plain food while friends or people around you eat delicious foods. At some point I ate oatmeal for 3 meals a day and the fourth was something else. I have to eat 4 meals to get enough calories to maintain my weight and even so in the last months I have dropped from 63kg/138lbs to below 58kg/127lbs

When do you intend to ctb?

I'm sorry to hear that. I wish I was able to eat 4 meals a day, but I am too uncomfortable all the time. I normally eat two modest meals a day, plus something like carrots.

I will ctb at the right time of having everything prepared (I am waiting for things in the mail), things being horrific enough, no obligations (it looks like I have just gotten a new part-time job, working from home), and having courage. Courage is the really big thing, because if I was willing to take the risk at this point, I wouldn't e.g. be looking for work.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I'm sorry to hear that. I wish I was able to eat 4 meals a day, but I am too uncomfortable all the time. I normally eat two modest meals a day, plus something like carrots.

I will ctb at the right time of having everything prepared (I am waiting for things in the mail), things being horrific enough, no obligations (it looks like I have just gotten a new part-time job, working from home), and having courage. Courage is the really big thing, because if I was willing to take the risk at this point, I wouldn't e.g. be looking for work.

I should get 4 meals a day but most days it´s just three, and meals is nice word for it because of my throat condition I can´t eat that many calories at a time so my meals is like 400-500 calories and that takes me 30-40+ minutes to eat per meal. Although today I have only had one meal but I think I will have to get some in a moment.

 

[windingdown]

Yep. I lost my well paid job just three weeks after getting a new place (which I hate living in) so soon I will not be able to pay the rent. Just another to add to a long list of reasons to ctb.

I can't believe only 5 months ago I had the world at my feet, my mental health, my job and the person I love. Now I've lost all of those things and am forced to live in this place day in day out and soon won't be able to afford to live even if I wanted to.

Sorry, rant over

I'm really sorry that these things have happened to you. I lost my new job, and my apartment that I adored in a city I loved, last year, because I developed a mental illness. I lost a lot of money because of psychosis in the process. Life is so fragile. That is one reason I first became suicidal last year. The fragility of life hit me, viciously, for the first time in my life. I couldn't believe how you could work so hard, and want things so much, and yet due to factors outside of your control, everything could just unravel overnight. I can barely fathom the fragility of most people's lives: lose your job, and your entire life spirals down. Everything. Because everything needs money, and few people have a lot of it.

I wish so dearly that I was a trust fund baby. I do feel like I could hold on in life if I were rich enough to at least make living comfortable. Then I might wait until legislation eases up, and when I'm maybe 50-60, I could die peacefully through assisted suicide. Of course, I wouldn't have to worry about the cost, and maybe it would cost less by that point anyway.

When my life fell apart last year, I was dealing with the profound grief of loss, in so many areas. My really intelligent brain, my career, my material experience. In case it helps, here's a link about the depression that can come about through adjustments to new developments in life:
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-adjustment-disorder

My new psychiatrist recognized the other day that I am still dealing with the grief of loss in many areas. I will say that I am better adjusted to the changes in my life today than I was after it first happened, so improvements are possible. I lost other things at the same time - it really was all at once - including my body/physical comfort in my skin, my hair (I've experienced bad hair loss at the same time, and am constantly afraid of balding - I am F), and my face began to change / look older for the first time, at the same time. I was always pretty, and I don't feel that way anymore. All just as, you know, some icing on the cake - why not. Brain / career / house / city / body / appearance. Let's just whack it all in all at once.

 

[windingdown]

I should get 4 meals a day but most days it´s just three, and meals is nice word for it because of my throat condition I can´t eat that many calories at a time so my meals is like 400-500 calories and that takes me 30-40+ minutes to eat per meal. Although today I have only had one meal but I think I will have to get some in a moment.

I am sorry. My mom's son's friend has to have his throat mechanically stretched out, on a regular basis, in order to breathe and eat, because he developed some terrible health condition last year that impacts his throat. I feel you.