Venting Ruined my life now what

[wheezle42]

Just need to rant, hurting so bad right now.

Almost 40, was high or drunk every single day from 14yo till 27yo. Actually quit drugs / drinking, went through the AA, rehabs, detox. Now, I've been sober 10+ years and alone for that long. I'm incapable of creating relationships. Incapable of making friends. Fully introverted, socially anxious, etc etc.

I met someone and I thought, this is it. Imma give it my all, and if this doesn't work out, I'm done. Nothing to live for anyways. Obviously it didn't work out, I'm a total failure.

Life if suffering, I can't deal with it anymore. Been contemplating CTE since I was a kid, never got the courage to go through. Now, I can't even find a rational reason to keep going. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, no happiness, no betterment. It's all bull.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I can relate to some of this.
I'm an alcoholic, 12 years sober.
Suffer from aspergers and am socially awkward.
Been a loner since childhood because I don't fit in.
I've been clinically depressed since age 7, abused by paedophile stepfather.
90% of my life has been utter turmoil.
I have lived in the vain hope that things will get better, yet have realised for a while now that the game of life is truly against some of us.
I am bedridden with chronic depression and rarely leave my room.
I'm too far gone now to even want to get better.
I just want to die.
Maybe I was cursed from birth.
You are excactly right to say that life is suffering, and I'm sorry you are going through this.
It's dreadful.

 

[wheezle42]

I feel u, so much <3

The irony of thinking you'll get sober, get your life straightened out and somehow things will get better. You'll meet someone nice and start a nice family. LOL. Everything just got worst. And now I don't have anything to numb the pain. Plus no relationship (need alcohol to get over my issues). I'm also enclosed in my room, work from home and all that.

We might be cursed, but it feels good to be around other cursed ppl. Thanks for sharing your story, truly horrible shit. I wish you the best in whichever path you take <3

 

[FuneralCry]

Life certainly is suffering, it must be tiring and dreadful being in that situation, I understand why you'd wish to be free. But anyway I wish you the best.