Venting Romantic vs sexual?

[Twiceler]

I was listening to "majestic casual" channel on YouTube since 13 yo, at the same time I started feeling suicidal. I didn't know english well. The whole channel is very special for me. It was helping me to escape from real myself and real life listening to it, making me hope for a better future. Songs from there were so beautiful for me, inspiring and chilling, they made me feel special, they made me feel fluttering.

But recently I realised that many songs from there, even among my favourites, are about physical sex, literally, and that embarasses me. I didn't want to believe that at first. But now I clearly understand what they're singing about and I feel very bad listening to them after all those years (frustrating, disappointment, angry, jealous/envious, idk). I never associated beautiful songs with anything sexual but only innocent things. I feel like I'm missing something. I feel myself decieved. Also neved had a gf, mid twenties now.

I don't understand how things are going. I don't understand what were in my parents heads when they were fucking. I don't understand why am I here living. I don't want to fight for anything, achieve anything. I never seek help. All that remains after all are my suicidal ideations, that is the only thing I'm still sure in.

Some little venting here. Thank you for reading this. Ctb soon probably (ordered SN).

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Your life or identity shouldn't be tied to a partner. I had my first bf at 13 years old when I was living with my nana in the countryside and I have been in and out of relationships since then and I was single for a while in my 20s but to be honest most people that I know that are in relationships are not truly happy. I have had "friends" vent and say a lot about their partners to me but on social media you would think everything was perfect. The point I'm trying to make is I have dated and I don't miss any of it and I don't want to be any part of it. If you want to try at love try it you might find the person for you and I don't think that's sorely the reason why you should try to "ctb" just because you haven't found "love" … I wish you all the best with the decision that you are going to take.

 

[Aisley]

I was listening to "majestic casual" channel on YouTube since 13 yo, at the same time I started feeling suicidal. I didn't know english well. The whole channel is very special for me. It was helping me to escape from real myself and real life listening to it, making me hope for a better future. Songs from there were so beautiful for me, inspiring and chilling, they made me feel special, they made me feel fluttering.

But recently I realised that many songs from there, even among my favourites, are about physical sex, literally, and that embarasses me. I didn't want to believe that at first. But now I clearly understand what they're singing about and I feel very bad listening to them after all those years (frustrating, disappointment, angry, jealous/envious, idk). I never associated beautiful songs with anything sexual but only innocent things. I feel like I'm missing something. I feel myself decieved. Also neved had a gf, mid twenties now.

I don't understand how things are going. I don't understand what were in my parents heads when they were fucking. I don't understand why am I here living. I don't want to fight for anything, achieve anything. I never seek help. All that remains after all are my suicidal ideations, that is the only thing I'm still sure in.

Some little venting here. Thank you for reading this. Ctb soon probably (ordered SN).

Many real good songs are about sex. Many bad ones, too, I suppose. But someone who writes music/poetry/anything, really, is going to write about what inspired them. And sex can be inspiring. Moreso the wanting it, for the most part. Nothing to get hung up about, really. Just a human condition.