AllThePsychMeds
Yes, all of them.
- May 8, 2019
- 22
I don't want to cause my loved ones any more pain than necessary. I'd much rather they not be the first to find me. I have two rounds of rituxan infusions each year. Altogether, this involves many hours of sitting around in the infusion center. On Tuesday, I had the last one until July. As my last infusion ended, I realized how much I regretted not adding SA to the line. It would be trivial to bring a pre-filled syringe, go to the bathroom for privacy, and push it into the line. Attempting suicide in a hospital would be extremely risky but would assure my family doesn't find me first and might give them peace of mind that "everything possible was done," even though SA doesn't have an antidote.
I have a background in biochem, so handling the SA is not intimidating. I already have the SA. I ordered some 30ml luer-loc syringes with caps. The required solution percentage will sting like hell. I'm declining cognitively, so I don't trust my ability to pH balance it. It's not really a solid plan yet, and it's probably not a good one even if it were solid. I'm reaching for some sort of ending with rapidly increasing desperation.
Things have gone downhill so fast that waiting until the summer is intimidating. My psych gave up on me at my last appointment. I have SN in the cupboard, too, but I have prochlorperazine, not meto. Timing the where and the when overwhelms me.
I've been constantly in tears since Sunday. I'm tired—getting too tired to formulate a coherent plan with a chance of success. I probably deserve however I feel. I keep wearing a mask. This forum and my cat are my only outlets. Thanks for listening.
I have a background in biochem, so handling the SA is not intimidating. I already have the SA. I ordered some 30ml luer-loc syringes with caps. The required solution percentage will sting like hell. I'm declining cognitively, so I don't trust my ability to pH balance it. It's not really a solid plan yet, and it's probably not a good one even if it were solid. I'm reaching for some sort of ending with rapidly increasing desperation.
Things have gone downhill so fast that waiting until the summer is intimidating. My psych gave up on me at my last appointment. I have SN in the cupboard, too, but I have prochlorperazine, not meto. Timing the where and the when overwhelms me.
I've been constantly in tears since Sunday. I'm tired—getting too tired to formulate a coherent plan with a chance of success. I probably deserve however I feel. I keep wearing a mask. This forum and my cat are my only outlets. Thanks for listening.
