tary
Experienced
- Jul 3, 2022
- 247
I'm currently enrolled in a school and haven't run out of money yet, although I'd have to go into student loan debt if I wanted to live past January next year.
I have little to no desire to live, but my suicidality is also due to a feeling of responsibility to my family and a fear of failing in life. I want to quit while I'm ahead, so to speak.
I would be less suicidal if I had no responsibility or possibility of further failure in life, like if I was so disabled somehow that I'd never have to earn a living again.
I'm not sure if I'd want to live until old age in that case either, but I'd probably keep going for longer.
But this also means I'm not as afraid of getting serious brain damage or something from when I attempt to CTB with my SN, which further encourages me to do it, because I can't get a bad outcome, at worst things stay the same as they are now.
So I will probably attempt before January.
Thoughts? Does anyone feel similarly?
I have little to no desire to live, but my suicidality is also due to a feeling of responsibility to my family and a fear of failing in life. I want to quit while I'm ahead, so to speak.
I would be less suicidal if I had no responsibility or possibility of further failure in life, like if I was so disabled somehow that I'd never have to earn a living again.
I'm not sure if I'd want to live until old age in that case either, but I'd probably keep going for longer.
But this also means I'm not as afraid of getting serious brain damage or something from when I attempt to CTB with my SN, which further encourages me to do it, because I can't get a bad outcome, at worst things stay the same as they are now.
So I will probably attempt before January.
Thoughts? Does anyone feel similarly?