Story Remembering my past ctb attempts

[PeacefulDreams]

The first time was the day after my birthday and I tried to slit my wrists. Failed horribly and I barely even bled.
The other ones were hanging, to varying degrees of failure. But one of them was really close to making me pass out, I just chickened out at the last second. This time, I hope it works and I don't chicken out again.
Sometimes, I wonder if there's some alternate universe out there where any of those attempts worked.

 

[Un-]

When I was fourteen, I took every medication in my cabinet and fridge, and drank half a bottle of wine. Didn't work. For a week I was horrifically sick.

Another time in that same year, I took a knife with the intent of stabbing myself. Obviously, I didn't do shit. I find it ironic because I self harm. One of my preferred methods is to slit my wrists. I think it's a poetic way to die.

My last attempt that year was when I decided to climb an electric pylon. It was raining that day. I was gonna decide whether to jump from the top, or to touch one of the live wires. I did neither when I realised multiple cars and people have passed by and nobody did anything. One person was on the phone, and staring at me, but then he just went back inside.

I wish I'd have died. Life did not get better at all for me. Ever since my first attempt, I lost the ability to feel joy. Then I lost every emotion except misery. I haven't had a day where I haven't felt misery.

 

[PinkFlower]

My first attempt was cutting too and my knofe was so dull that I couldn't go deep enough. I tried several time with cutting, always failing terribly like you said. I wen near death just two times, once I OD on quietapine i was unconscius and I could barely breath but my parents noticed and brought me to the er, the other time I hanged myself and the knot undid itself after 2 seconds of be unconscius.

I strongly believe there are alternative worlds were our attemps worked out just fine, I like to think that maybe it wasn't the right time to die :) even though I would have felt better to ctb definetly and not to spent so much time in psyche wards

 

[FuneralCry]

I have never properly attempted and to me it's so terrifying how ctb attempts can potentially go wrong. I think that I would only attempt if I was confident that the method would succeed. I do envy those with the courage for methods like hanging, to me it sounds like a difficult and scary method.