I don't want to give a generic intro. I have been struggling with relationships for a few years ranging from mentally abusive ones to relationships I've been a little aggressive in myself. I'm not even sure how to explain what I'm currently going through, but I will give the best explanation I can.
In my relationship with this person we've broken up a couple of times mainly due to arguments or outside intervention. The arguments were mostly from others giving advice and encouragement of leaving this person after a few of the arguments, mostly regarding them and a friend having made a few jokes about a kiss, but this was online.
I'm currently in a relationship with the same individual who I care a lot about. I've been in this relationship with this person for quite some time and there has been moments where it's perfectly fine and then either me or them gets upset. When we get upset we do our best to be there for one another, but sometimes it's not as good. When they get upset they usually play it off as they're okay when I know they aren't and I try to be there for them, but they either tell me that it's fine and they don't want to talk about it. I respect their boundaries and leave it alone when they tell me this, but then I'm left to overthink and get upset. I always blame myself for the way they're feeling even if they later on tell me what happened and it had nothing to do with me. I want to clarify that they don't purposely make me feel this type of way, but if they are I'm completely oblivious. I constantly worry about whether or not this person likes someone else, especially those I'm close to and I do my best to push these thoughts aside, but they creep up on me.
After our last couple of breakups and getting back together now, I have done everything I can to stop myself from overthinking.
They always reassure me, write me messages and encourage me to not hide my emotions, but when it comes to situations as stated before, I always sometimes feel nervous when even thinking about talking to them. I'm afraid that at times my emotions are too overwhelming for them and they'll either act annoyed or not say anything at all and leave me. I do trust them and believe them when they tell me they love me and when they tell me that I'm the only person they think of or even want to be with, but when I ask them if they love me or if they want to be with me, I feel like sometimes it just annoys them even if they don't act like it or tell me they're annoyed. I know if they really loved me, they would tell me if they were annoyed or if it was too much for them, but I feel like they feel like they can't tell me because they're afraid of how I might react or upset me more.
There are even times when I'm away from this person, I do feel anxiety or I feel extremely overwhelmed with emotions and overthink about what they could be doing. There's moments where the feelings get so overwhelming that I feel like I'm not good for them or that I'm just too much for them to handle and I hate myself to the point I feel like they'd be better off without me and I think about CTB. I genuinely feel like at times that I can't live without them too if they were to ever decide to leave me. I feel as if I need them in my life or it's not worth being here. I would never tell them this because I know how that may be seen, as if they're trapped and I would never want them to feel that way, but I feel like I need them. I even tell myself and them that they could treat me like the biggest asshole in the world and I'd still love them no matter what.
Now, this is not to say they are a bad person. I may not think they are a bad person, but some do due to how they react to arguments. They react to arguments with me such as either turning it against me when I simply just ask for reassurance or they tell me they just want to move on and forget it and pretend it never happened instead of talking about it. They also have matched with profile pictures with other individuals and makes up reasons to justify doing so. Another situation is when they talk about the type of people they're into in-front of me when I very clearly do not match either of their top picks and describes a friend as being their type.
Despite some of these, they do show me a lot of the love I look for in someone, there just happens to be moments like explained. They do tell me they love me often and they do tell me that they only love me and me alone and they want to spend the rest of their life with me and marry me one day which is exactly what I look for.
In conclusion, I'm not entirely sure what else to say. This is my first post, so I hope to get help and peoples honest opinions on this.
In my relationship with this person we've broken up a couple of times mainly due to arguments or outside intervention. The arguments were mostly from others giving advice and encouragement of leaving this person after a few of the arguments, mostly regarding them and a friend having made a few jokes about a kiss, but this was online.
I'm currently in a relationship with the same individual who I care a lot about. I've been in this relationship with this person for quite some time and there has been moments where it's perfectly fine and then either me or them gets upset. When we get upset we do our best to be there for one another, but sometimes it's not as good. When they get upset they usually play it off as they're okay when I know they aren't and I try to be there for them, but they either tell me that it's fine and they don't want to talk about it. I respect their boundaries and leave it alone when they tell me this, but then I'm left to overthink and get upset. I always blame myself for the way they're feeling even if they later on tell me what happened and it had nothing to do with me. I want to clarify that they don't purposely make me feel this type of way, but if they are I'm completely oblivious. I constantly worry about whether or not this person likes someone else, especially those I'm close to and I do my best to push these thoughts aside, but they creep up on me.
After our last couple of breakups and getting back together now, I have done everything I can to stop myself from overthinking.
They always reassure me, write me messages and encourage me to not hide my emotions, but when it comes to situations as stated before, I always sometimes feel nervous when even thinking about talking to them. I'm afraid that at times my emotions are too overwhelming for them and they'll either act annoyed or not say anything at all and leave me. I do trust them and believe them when they tell me they love me and when they tell me that I'm the only person they think of or even want to be with, but when I ask them if they love me or if they want to be with me, I feel like sometimes it just annoys them even if they don't act like it or tell me they're annoyed. I know if they really loved me, they would tell me if they were annoyed or if it was too much for them, but I feel like they feel like they can't tell me because they're afraid of how I might react or upset me more.
There are even times when I'm away from this person, I do feel anxiety or I feel extremely overwhelmed with emotions and overthink about what they could be doing. There's moments where the feelings get so overwhelming that I feel like I'm not good for them or that I'm just too much for them to handle and I hate myself to the point I feel like they'd be better off without me and I think about CTB. I genuinely feel like at times that I can't live without them too if they were to ever decide to leave me. I feel as if I need them in my life or it's not worth being here. I would never tell them this because I know how that may be seen, as if they're trapped and I would never want them to feel that way, but I feel like I need them. I even tell myself and them that they could treat me like the biggest asshole in the world and I'd still love them no matter what.
Now, this is not to say they are a bad person. I may not think they are a bad person, but some do due to how they react to arguments. They react to arguments with me such as either turning it against me when I simply just ask for reassurance or they tell me they just want to move on and forget it and pretend it never happened instead of talking about it. They also have matched with profile pictures with other individuals and makes up reasons to justify doing so. Another situation is when they talk about the type of people they're into in-front of me when I very clearly do not match either of their top picks and describes a friend as being their type.
Despite some of these, they do show me a lot of the love I look for in someone, there just happens to be moments like explained. They do tell me they love me often and they do tell me that they only love me and me alone and they want to spend the rest of their life with me and marry me one day which is exactly what I look for.
In conclusion, I'm not entirely sure what else to say. This is my first post, so I hope to get help and peoples honest opinions on this.
