Venting Relationships are weird

[Cee]

I have a longg history with this guy who i just recently decided to start hanging out with. My mindset was 'im gonna kill myself soon anyway so might as well you know' but idk its getting a little sketchy. Like i mentioned how i plan to end it before i get too old (in all reality i plan on doing it much sooner but i didnt want to freak him out) and he got all weird and he just called me and said 'my talk of nihilism put him in a weird mindset' and asked me if i was serious about ending it. I said yes cuz like...he knows i have issues he doesnt know the extent of them but idk what he expected when we started talking like im clearly a very emotionally unstable person and i honestly feel like he just cant handle being with me in the slightest. i didnt even say anything that deep and he's already having a mental breakdown.. sometimes i forget that not everyone is suicidal! i thought i could make it work just for a while before i end it but idk he seemed so hurt talking about it and was asking why i randomly decided to finally hang out with him, of course i cant tell him my real reasons for that. so im not sure if i should even bother putting in the time and energy into explaining myself to him. i dont think he would tell anyone on me and even if he did everyone already knows about my mental health so it wouldnt really matter anyway. I need to go back to the hospital or something but its just so expensive. I keep planning and doing things for my future since im supposed to be going to college next year but its all pointless and i feel like im leading everyone on. id love to go on to this boy about how pointless existence is and explain my view to him and tell him all about my plan to end it but hes apparently much more fragile than i thought he was. anyway i just needed to rant a little bit i dont expect anyone to bother reading this :) hopefully he can come back to earth and try to talk to me. He is literally freaking out, is this how most people react to a suicidal friend? am i just that far gone that im shocked by a normal reaction or whats going on. i guess im so desensitized to the idea of killing myself that when someone gets upset by it i just get annoyed. he just texted me saying his mind is on fire and hes laying in a field even tho its 9pm where i live rn... like bro its just suicide chillax lmao. he just asked to call me again i really just wanna be left alone how tf do i tell this guy to calm down. now he called me boring for saying i didnt want to talk. bitch ass ur not my therapist get out of my life

 

[weedoge]

It's fine to be desensitised and I'm sorry if people disagree or I sound insensitive but I really think its irresponsible to be trying to date somebody while you're suicidal. Although if you told the guy I guess he knows what he's getting himself into?

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I think it's okay to date. We're all still figuring things out at this point. But yeah, I find most people to be pretty uncomfortable with the subject, to be honest. I tend to find that it's the most wholesome people who struggle with the concept the most. I once mentioned it to a girl I was dating who lived for Disney movies and romantic comedies. That was a disaster.

 

[Maravillosa]

I think it's okay to date. We're all still figuring things out at this point. But yeah, I find most people to be pretty uncomfortable with the subject, to be honest. I tend to find that it's the most wholesome people who struggle with the concept the most. I once mentioned it to a girl I was dating who lived for Disney movies and romantic comedies. That was a disaster.

I think I am pretty wholesome on the whole, yet I possess (or am possessed by) an ambition to ctb one day. (But then again, I do have a morbid aspect to me -- one that likes to watch hanging suicide videos -- in addition to the sunshine and flowers side.)