Ok so I struggle with depression and suicidal intent, I've been in a relationship with my gf for around 5 months now, I do love her but I've recently found out that's she's slept with over a 100 men in the past and had two threesomes, it really makes me feel insignificant and I don't know why? I really don't know what to do, I wish it wouldn't bother me but it does and has recently affected our relationship. Suggestions or advice welcome x
Tell her your feelings without being domineering. I'm a bit of a libertine, so those things don't bother me. A lot of men grow up not knowing what the "Madonna/whore complex" is. She's probably a better lay for it, and is attracted to you for a reason.
100 guys is a bit, but honestly, the threesomes don't strike me as a huge deal.
100 guys is a bit, but honestly, the threesomes don't strike me as a huge deal.
flower
on the moon
- Feb 23, 2020
- 320
I think it's normal to feel like that. I've had an ex become jealous when he found out things from my past, but I also got upset when hearing about things he'd done. bit hypocritical of me really. like palatinus said, she's with you for a reason and just because her sexual history sounds intimidating it doesn't mean it was more fulfilling than whatever you guys get up to in your relationship.
I'm sure it would help to talk about it with her as long as you do it respectfully
I'm sure it would help to talk about it with her as long as you do it respectfully
I guess it's more of a jealousy thing aswell, that's she's had the opportunity to live her life and I haven't? Idk
I agree with @flowergrl
Those other men were meaningless, and/or she regrets it. Do not rub her nose in it, especially because you are special to her. I've had plenty of exes not pleased with my past, but again: at this stage of my life, women I date are the other half of my life. In the past, even though I've honestly never used anyone, women were just my libido expressing itself.
I'm sorry that her life choices make you feel less confident. But think about it. She didn't know you back then, and was (nsfw) just horny and/or, more likely, being manipulated. You, on the other hand, actually matter to her.
Those other men were meaningless, and/or she regrets it. Do not rub her nose in it, especially because you are special to her. I've had plenty of exes not pleased with my past, but again: at this stage of my life, women I date are the other half of my life. In the past, even though I've honestly never used anyone, women were just my libido expressing itself.
I'm sorry that her life choices make you feel less confident. But think about it. She didn't know you back then, and was (nsfw) just horny and/or, more likely, being manipulated. You, on the other hand, actually matter to her.
Envying someone is not worth losing them. This is the perfect point to bring up in any potential discussion, if you can do so with tact.
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GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,727
Based on life experience, I think the only sexual history that should be shared is a history of veneral diseases, marriage history, and any exes who are still around or who show up. A history of cheating is also valuable to know, because that not only tells me that it can happen, but, also based on experience, likely will again.
My dude, you cannot unknow what you now know. I respect you reaching out for advice about how to deal.
Inadequacy is a common male response to such admissions when they have less experience than the female. I don't know why that is. Maybe it's a biologically-generated response to your sperm having to compete with other sperm for a limited number of eggs, and if your sperm hasn't had contact with the same number of egg producers if not more, then your genes, not you, are threatened by the competition. And males often freak over female bi-sexuality -- it is both turn-on and threatening competition.
My advice is to take some time to evaluate her overall character based on her consistent behaviors over the past five months, let that simmer for a bit, and then factor in this admission to see if it has any relevance with regard to who she has proven herself to be. Think about the context of her telling you -- was it because you've reached a new level of emotional intimacy and she was being trusting and vulnerable? Did it feel inappropriate or weird timing-wise, sending up red flags? If a male friend admitted a similar history, would you admire him, judge him, or not give af at all?
My dude, you cannot unknow what you now know. I respect you reaching out for advice about how to deal.
Inadequacy is a common male response to such admissions when they have less experience than the female. I don't know why that is. Maybe it's a biologically-generated response to your sperm having to compete with other sperm for a limited number of eggs, and if your sperm hasn't had contact with the same number of egg producers if not more, then your genes, not you, are threatened by the competition. And males often freak over female bi-sexuality -- it is both turn-on and threatening competition.
My advice is to take some time to evaluate her overall character based on her consistent behaviors over the past five months, let that simmer for a bit, and then factor in this admission to see if it has any relevance with regard to who she has proven herself to be. Think about the context of her telling you -- was it because you've reached a new level of emotional intimacy and she was being trusting and vulnerable? Did it feel inappropriate or weird timing-wise, sending up red flags? If a male friend admitted a similar history, would you admire him, judge him, or not give af at all?
I cannot emphasize how much I agree about cheating, but should history of cured STDs be shared?
GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,727
My gut says yes, and maybe. Crabs, no. But if someone respected me and wanted my trust, I would want them to admit it so that I could make an informed decision, and we could even make a date out of getting tested together before proceeding to anything NSFW. :) Then again, if it was a curable condition and you're 100% certain it's cured, it's not really anyone's business but yours. You're lucky to have dodged a bullet. So I guess it depends on your own personal ethic and how transparent and honest you plan to be with this person. If it feels wrong to keep it a secret, don't. Better to lose out on a potential relationship or a potentially great NSFW experience than do harm to your self-respect and integrity.
I'm not the type to keep secrets, but as you say "if it's curable and you know it's cured." I've never made a date out of testing, but it was a SFW big moment in a relationship when I gifted someone test results, before she asked.
departing
Enlightened
- Jul 5, 2019
- 1,502
