Relationship between atheistm and suicide

[MelancholyPie]

Were you always an atheist? Or you did you become one during your lifetime? Why? What are your thoughts on what happens after death? Are you at ease with this knowledge?

I was raised by christian parents, and was very devotedly christian up until 14 years old. During my years as a teen, I experimented with many religions, but ended up an atheist. All of them ultimately failed to bring upon the miracles they promised. I think I'm an atheist mostly because religion as a whole failed me, and I can't bring myself to trust those bittersweet lies no more.

After death, I believe your conscience ceases to exist, and this thought scares the hell out of me because I feel very disappointed by that perspective. I really wish there was an afterlife but can't bring myself to believe in one.

I am definitely not at peace with the thought of fading into nothingness. It sounds terrible and I'm scared. How does one become at peace with that?

 

[Ame]

I can really relate to this post and to your feelings. You really spent some time searching for answers and relief haven't you? I'm sorry that you felt let down. Still, thank you so much for sharing this with us.

I spent the early years of my life being raised in the Catholic tradition but I don't recall ever believing in God (if I did believe at all, it was just enough for me to fixate on how I was certain to burn in Hell). I suspect that this was done so that my parents could satisfy the expectations of society and family because neither of my patents are all that religious. Unlike you, my reasons for not believing (or rather doubting in my case...I am probably more of an agnostic than an all out atheist) were not because I felt down, but because I was not keen on accepting something as fact without having tangible evidence.

I'm not really comfortable with the concept of nothingness either. It seems like a waste and I think that my brain isn't very found of states that are impossible to conceptualize beyond the generic: "being dead is essentially that same as the time spent before you were conceived". Sometimes...it feels like a huge waste; even for those who lead full lives without CTB.

Maybe it is selfish but I do wish that there was some kind of afterlife. There are people I would like to see again.

I remember one member writing that humans are creatures of habit and that the impermanence of these habits brings great discomfort. We are accustomed to certain routines, to others being around, and existing. Change is difficult and it is even more difficult when that change renders you unable to experience the after.

 

[imstillhungry]

I was always an atheist. I just couldn't get my head around there being a magic invisible man in the sky, especially when we're told he's all loving and all powerful, yet there are children dying of hunger, cancer etc. What kind of all loving all powerful god allows that?
I think after death we simply no longer exist. No consciousness, nothing. It's like when you're asleep (minus the dreams) or go under anesthesia. I'm perfectly ok with this. What's there to be afraid of? You'll have no consciousness and no ability to feel anything. Are you scared when you go to sleep every night?
For me the idea of an afterlife is far scarier than nothingness. If the afterlife turns out to be shit you can't ctb again since you're already dead. I'll take the nothingness to go, thanks!

 

[puppy9]

Close your eyes and open it; that's how forever feels like.

 

[Nothingfromsomething]

My parents were never religious so I was raised atheist, but over time I drifted not towards agnostic. Unfortunately my beliefs give me little comfort I just simply feel it's more plausible that something resulted in the creation of us or even the universe other than random happenstance. They doesn't mean what ever created us caged one bit or is even still there lol.

As far as what happens after I've had a few ideas over the years, during the time that I was happy I tended to believe that we reach live our lives over and over until we perfect them. My strong, nausea inducing deja vu helped form that, making me feelv like I'd done this before. At times I could feel as if I was remembering, seeing the event happen in my mind as it happened. While my life was never great, it was confusing to think eventually it would be prefect, and seeing as my life was gagging better, things were mortally going my way as much as can expected in the chaos that is life that felt right. An additional thought that I hoped more Than believed was that our conscious, our soul or what ever only remembered (meaning we only felt like we experienced) that prefect life. Of course my life wasn't "prefect" but it felt fulfilling enough that if I died suddenly I could say I lived a good life, I got what I wanted out of life.

Now however, everything has shattered, around me making that additional thought false, unless something amazing happens or suicide is the perfect ending to my life, which it was when I was married (we are to go it together dieing happily) now though, it's not a means to an end. So at this point I don't know what to think which doesn't help my situation. I'd love some form of clarity to figure out what is right, but there are no easy answers in life.

At the moment, I'm just hopeing what ever comes next is better than what came before it lol. The thought of being gone 100% no thoughts, noting is both scary and peaceful. I was lucky enough to see how amazing life can be, lucky enough to have someone break me from my wanting to die, so in a way I want to go on. But, that good feeling when taken away is worse than not knowing it existed, I'm now haunted by my past, where good memories are nightmares. So, not ever thinking again is comforting.

 

[Fragile]

there is no real answer, we all find peace in different ways and making peace with your consciousness dissapearing is probably the reason why religions exist in the first place.

but there are ways to look at it in order to make it seem less scary.

one is that every single being and living creature that has ever existed will go through the same, we all will die and there is simply nothing that we can do about it, even if you die by your own means or by natural causes, it will happen and the best we can do is accept it because we can't change that fact, why stress over an inevitability? it's pointless to hurt because of it.

other way to think about it, maybe, just maybe, there is indeed a soul and the fact that there are so many religions and almost all of them believe in some form of afterlife actually means something. there are infinite things that we don't know about our universe, the existance of a soul is not an impossibility if you think about it, our knowledge of this universe and our lives is only a fraction of what may actually be real, and we are discovering so much stuff lately.

i remain agnostic, having a soul and an afterlife would be ideal since i'm attached to this consciousness, but if that's not the case, then there's nothing i can do about it, so might as well accept it and think of it in a good way, not existing also means never having to be in pain again, all that makes you suffer will be gone and since there is no heaven, there is also no hell.

i hope this helps, i used to feel that way but now thinking that there is an end to all or infinite possibilities brings me peace now, whatever comes next, it can't be worse than this life.

 

[Unikko]

Were you always an atheist? Or you did you become one during your lifetime?

I don't think I became an atheist, because to me it seems like atheism is kind of the default, whereas any sort of faith-based idea is a deviation from the default. Just as I don't believe in the existence of any sort of gods, neither do I believe that there lives a tiny little gnome named Stephen on the top shelf of the closet in my apartment. This is not because I became slowly convinced of the non-existence of Stephen the Gnome over the years, it's simply because I literally thought the whole concept up just now, it didn't exist as any kind of possibility at all in my mind prior to that. So it is with a god, no one is born believing in one (or several), it is only through being exposed to the idea at some point after birth that one can ever start believing in it in the first place.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I was raised in a christian home and was forced to attend a christian school. Early on I began to question the christian faith and teachers even hated me for it (never really considered myself christian despite being indoctrinated in it...it never set well with me). I was severely bullied in this "christian" school and no one did anything about it. So at 13 or 14 I had my first suicidal thoughts and I officially became an agnostic heavily leaning atheist.

As far as being at peace with an after life vs nothingness I think one has to do a lot of inner sesrching to find peace about it. It's different for everyone. For me I would much rather just fade into nothingness like I never existed. The thought of an afterlife genuinely upsets me because what if this after life is just as cruel as current life...so many questions and variables and the unknown. plus the idea of an eternal church service like the christisn after life suggests is very off putting for me (sorry I'm no trying to knock anyone's religion just sharing my honest thoughts.)

I personally take comfort in nothingness because there will be no pain, no awareness...just nothing...kinda like before we were born we didn't exist.

 

[Meretlein]

Every person that existed has died. We were dead for billions of years before we were born and didn't suffer from it.

 

[Moonicide]

I wouldn't call myself an atheist, but I also wouldn't call myself religious. If anything I'm agnostic. But I did grow up with a very religious and close-minded mother. I stopped believing in God when I was little. I was abused so young and it tainted my view on religion. I'd pray for it to stop, and it never stopped. My innocence left me at such a young age. I couldn't comprehend how could there be a God. Why would a God let bad things happen? Why would God watch me be abused and have me shatter into a million pieces? What kind of God is that? If there is a God, I'd fight them.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

I still believe in God.
I am not afraid.
At 56, I have lived a full life.
Here's the thing:
Only a naive person would conflate Atheism and Suicidal Ideation.
Please continue to ask questions.
Travel.
Take risks.
Priests are sometimes liars.
The nuns are scary, but they can't follow you:)
Study many world religions.
Eat weird (to you) foods
Learn more than two languages.
Take a few years to figure things out.
Just my opinion.
Whatever road you take, you will be walking in peace and comfort.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I was raised Lutheran but weakly. I had lost my faith and became an atheist (not agnostic) when I was around 14-15 because science had pretty much thoroughly disproved any of the man-made myths. I'm not upset with god or anything like that for my life, it's just that it really makes no sense and contradicts our understanding of reality. All religion had been given the final nail in the coffin when Darwin published the Origin of Species and ever since then everyone religious has only been beating a dead horse.

I'm very uncomfortable with the fact that death is coming. It's not that I fear death, but it had arrived on my doorstep far too soon and with very short notice. I've been really caught off guard and it feels brutal and overwhelming. To think, in a few months, I will be nothing. It has certainly given me a lot of existential dread.

I went to the zoo with my sibling (like I often do) a month after I decided that my life was on it's way out sooner rather than later. All of these animals only eat, sleep, shit, fuck and finally die. They reproduce only to repeat this cycle endlessly. They don't even have the consciousness to fully appreciate any of it! How pointless it all is... This is not new to me in the slightest but the knowledge that my life was going to end soon while I was thinking about that as I passed between the exhibits made me feel deeply disturbed. Maybe because I feel like I had wasted my life? I hadn't even made it to age 30!


@Fragile our consciousness is derived solely (lol) from the brain and our brain is an organ made of matter like any other. Our sense of self-awareness is the result of nothing more than organic computing. I don't see how a "soul" fits into the equation. If we do have a soul, hypothetically speaking, at what point in our evolution did we develop one?

 

[BlueWidow]

I'm not an atheist. I do believe there is something out there, but I don't know what it is exactly. I have a hard time believing in nothingness. If that's what happens, I'm fine with it, but I hope there is something more. Some reason for all of this. Otherwise, what is it all for? Why do we have to be here and suffer for nothing?
I guess in the end, it won't matter because either I'll be nothing, so I won't care, or there will be something and I'll finally get my questions answered.

 

[V0latile]

I was raised a Christian and became an atheist at 19. It was actually a dream come true. I wanted to ctb as a teenager but my fear of hell stopped me. My fear of hell lessened slowly throughout my 20s. Oblivion is beautiful after a life of suffering.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

My parents weren't really religious but christianity was a part of the school curriculum so I learned everything in class. I never really bought it though, not even as a child. Our teacher was very rude and would often yell at us and give us bad grades when it just wasn't her day. I didn't understand how someone who preaches love and tolerance could be so mean.
Tbh now I'm more of an agnostic, as I want to believe there is something after this life of suffering but it sounds too good to be true.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

I was raised a Christian and became an atheist at 19. It was actually a dream come true. I wanted to ctb as a teenager but my fear of hell stopped me. My fear of hell lessened slowly throughout my 20s. Oblivion is beautiful after a life of suffering.

"... Oblivion is beautiful after a life of auffering..."

Yes. Yes. And fucking YES! This statement sums it all up for me.

 

[Meretlein]

I was raised Lutheran but weakly. I had lost my faith and became an atheist (not agnostic) when I was around 14-15 because science had pretty much thoroughly disproved any of the man-made myths. I'm not upset with god or anything like that for my life, it's just that it really makes no sense and contradicts our understanding of reality. All religion had been given the final nail in the coffin when Darwin published the Origin of Species and ever since then everyone religious has only been beating a dead horse.

I'm very uncomfortable with the fact that death is coming. It's not that I fear death, but it had arrived on my doorstep far too soon and with very short notice. I've been really caught off guard and it feels brutal and overwhelming. To think, in a few months, I will be nothing. It has certainly given me a lot of existential dread.

I went to the zoo with my sibling (like I often do) a month after I decided that my life was on it's way out sooner rather than later. All of these animals only eat, sleep, shit, fuck and finally die. They reproduce only to repeat this cycle endlessly. They don't even have the consciousness to fully appreciate any of it! How pointless it all is... This is not new to me in the slightest but the knowledge that my life was going to end soon while I was thinking about that as I passed between the exhibits made me feel deeply disturbed. Maybe because I feel like I had wasted my life? I hadn't even made it to age 30!


@Fragile our consciousness is derived solely ((lol) from the brain and our brain is an organ made of matter like any other. Our sense of self-awareness is the result of nothing more than organic computing. I don't see how a "soul" fits into the equation. If we do have a soul, hypothetically speaking, at what point in our evolution did we develop one?

I would say other animals are lucky. Humans long for meaning and justice. We have a sense of self and a deep yearning for life and to live on. None of those desires of ours can come to fruition so in way we are lower than cockroaches.

 

[MelancholyPie]

I would say other animals are lucky. Humans long for meaning and justice. We have a sense of self and a deep yearning for life and to live on. None of those desires of ours can come to fruition so in way we are lower than cockroaches.

I agree. When I see a puppy or a kitten playing with humans, they always seem so happy and comfortable in their condition. Their brains surely are filled with the "happiness hormones" the moment they see their owner. How a dog can get so excited it will wag its tail, or how a cat can purr. They all seem really happy with their short and simple existences. I sometimes envy them for that reason.

Tbh now I'm more of an agnostic, as I want to believe there is something after this life of suffering but it sounds too good to be true.

I too am somewhere in between agnostic and atheist. It is not that I want to believe, though, but that I can't help believing. It seems like my brain is wired to believe in something, and now there is nothing that seems worth believing, it is just malfunctioning.

 

[ZeroNine]

If there's God and he is supposed to be loving, why is there so much suffering in this world?

 

[MissNietzsche]

I became atheist at 15. I fell depressed at 16. I became suicidal at 17. Rip.

I converted because I found philosophy, and that also improved my critical thinking skills exponentially.

 

[Astral316]

I was born into a catholic family, then I learned how to astral project and became new age/buddhist. I figured "out of body experiences" were proof of a spirit. I still wonder if they are proof (along with dreams in general) though I too hope for sweet oblivion. I'm too damaged to enjoy a heaven or any equivalent.

 

[pua]

When i was a muslim i dont want to live but i cant suicide because fear of hell stopped me,and i had a hope about living in heaven.
Becoming an atheist make easy for me about suicide decision,because there is no other life ,hell or heaven.
İ have one chance to live.And life is sucks,thinking about suicide and nonexistence give me peace

 

[MeltingHeart]

Every person that existed has died. We were dead for billions of years before we were born and didn't suffer from it.

I think the fact that every single person is gonna die is kind of a helpful thing to think about in trying to come to terms with it-literally hundreds of people around the world every single day-some as soon as they are born, some of illness, accidents, old age and then of course, ctb-it is sad that when u are choosing to take yr own life you have all this extra time to contemplate it and in some senses we are having to weigh up so many things in order to take that step and make that 'choice', though it could be said in some cases it feels like we have just as much choice as someone with an incurable disease-in that it feels not so much a choice as such, rather the only way to stop the pain/dissatisfaction and unease (whether physical, mental or emotional) we are in. Its sad that many will have to be cutting short their time on this planet-epecially as in our cases, there might have been a point earlier on when it could have been prevented (maybe still can be for some!) but it nonetheless feel like quite a tragic kind of end to a life, and yet so are many other kinds of death are too.

 

[ValideSultana]

Like you, OP, I was raised by devoutly Christian parents. We went to church every week, twice a week (I had no choice). However, unlike you, I never believed in any god.
I'm so sorry you're scared of death. That's horrible for you. Look at it like this; before you were conceived, you didn't exist. After death, it's the same thing, you don't exist again. You're at peace. I think you're probably more frightened of the process of dying, than of death itself. It happens to us all. I'm not scared, I don't believe there's anything to be frightened of. So try not to be scared, please. Don't stress yourself out about something you cannot change. The only thing you can change is how and when it happens.
Why would anyone want to live forever, even in a different body, or spirit? Don't you realize how boring that would get? Living forever is an awful thought.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Were you always an atheist? Or you did you become one during your lifetime? Why? What are your thoughts on what happens after death? Are you at ease with this knowledge?

I was raised by christian parents, and was very devotedly christian up until 14 years old. During my years as a teen, I experimented with many religions, but ended up an atheist. All of them ultimately failed to bring upon the miracles they promised. I think I'm an atheist mostly because religion as a whole failed me, and I can't bring myself to trust those bittersweet lies no more.

After death, I believe your conscience ceases to exist, and this thought scares the hell out of me because I feel very disappointed by that perspective. I really wish there was an afterlife but can't bring myself to believe in one.

I am definitely not at peace with the thought of fading into nothingness. It sounds terrible and I'm scared. How does one become at peace with that?

No I wasn't always an athiest. I was brainwashed at a young age like all of us are to be Catholic and to believe in God. But in CCD every time I'd fall asleep because I had no interest in hearing about a made up man who was nailed to a cross. And then was put in a cave, which was sealed with a giant Boulder and he just happened to wake up and have he strength to move that Boulder and his spirit was set free. Idk I didn't say attention and I dropped out. I still prayed in my early. 20s when I became physically ill. You know how they say ask and you shall receive? Yeah well that's a crock of bullshit if I've ever heard anyway. There's no God Jesus Mary Joseph. Sorry but there's no way a women can have a baby without having sex. Just can't happen. So many lies forced into our minds. All the children that were made to believe in God and then raped and molested by priests. Where was God then? Where is good now when we are suffering so much? I swear if I ever do get to meet Jesus he's going to wish he was nailed back on that cross by the time I'm finished with him. If what we read sounds like hell he's got a whole other thing coming. I'm not a bad person. But I refuse to believe in a story that was carried down by the beginning of time that holds no proof what so ever.

I'm with you. The thought of nothing less seems awful. I can't imagine not existing and since my life meant nothing in this world it pisses me off even more. When I'm dying I'm not going to be able to look back on anything and say....wow I lived some life. I did this and this and that. But with how excruciating my physical pain is there is no way I'm going to live much longer. I already passed my suicide date which was November 10th. I wish

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I forgot who said this - "I was dead for thousands of years before I was born and didn't have any problem with that."
Paraphrased.
Reading this brought death into an even newer perspective. I was aware that literally every second somebody dies. Now it's even more comforting. Liberating, in a way.
As for the... result, let's call it, of death, fading into nothingness from my own perspective, I find it liberating as well. From my point of view it would be... nothing.
Alan Watts, iirc, said it would be nothing. It would not be a celebration because there would be noone to celebrate it, nor a tragedy because there would be nobody to experience it as a tragedy.
It is certainly a strange thing to try and wrap my head around. Incidentally, mr Watts went through all the nine yards and produced an analogy for this very thing - it would be the same as how my head looks to my eyes. There's a small, vaguely visible area of it that is visible - the nose, and if you try hard enough and are heavy enough, the cheeks, but the rest, without any assistance, is unknown and invisible.
And I'm fine with that. Certainly, when this topic entered my mind for the first time, I wasn't fine with it at all, but I've accepted it because it is inevitable. One day I will simply cease to be, and on that day I will not experience what will happen from then and onwards, nor will I be able to give empathy to those who will begin to experience their life without me.
Alternatively, I will be unable to offer empathy to those who would be stuck with dealing with my body.
Not only will I not be able to offer this empathy, I will not have to. This, I believe, is very liberating.

 

[ValideSultana]

I forgot who said this - "I was dead for thousands of years before I was born and didn't have any problem with that."
Paraphrased.
Reading this brought death into an even newer perspective. I was aware that literally every second somebody dies. Now it's even more comforting. Liberating, in a way.
As for the... result, let's call it, of death, fading into nothingness from my own perspective, I find it liberating as well. From my point of view it would be... nothing.
Alan Watts, iirc, said it would be nothing. It would not be a celebration because there would be noone to celebrate it, nor a tragedy because there would be nobody to experience it as a tragedy.
It is certainly a strange thing to try and wrap my head around. Incidentally, mr Watts went through all the nine yards and produced an analogy for this very thing - it would be the same as how my head looks to my eyes. There's a small, vaguely visible area of it that is visible - the nose, and if you try hard enough and are heavy enough, the cheeks, but the rest, without any assistance, is unknown and invisible.
And I'm fine with that. Certainly, when this topic entered my mind for the first time, I wasn't fine with it at all, but I've accepted it because it is inevitable. One day I will simply cease to be, and on that day I will not experience what will happen from then and onwards, nor will I be able to give empathy to those who will begin to experience their life without me.
Alternatively, I will be unable to offer empathy to those who would be stuck with dealing with my body.
Not only will I not be able to offer this empathy, I will not have to. This, I believe, is very liberating.

Totally agree. Death is liberating. Who wants to exist forever? That, to me, is a very frightening thought.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Totally agree. Death is liberating. Who wants to exist forever? That, to me, is a very frightening thought.

I agree. This life is pure hell. I want to die ASAP . When i finally got away from the TV because i was forced to with huge problems , i started reading and thinking for the first time about what i am and what is reality (and it's pretty insignificant).

Most people are brainwashed into wanting to live forever to exist. But life is pain.

I'm tired of struggling, working, feeling pain, fixing things, being sick etc.

Non-existence sounds really good to me , no problems , no pain, no disease, no aging etc.

In my search for truth i became a nihilist, then a anti-natalist and also an efilist.

 

[ARW3N]

I'm an atheist. I've got an aunt with Alzheimer's who doesn't recognise me or her family. When the brain goes, the mind goes and our self-identity with it. Our thoughts reside in our brain and not outside it.

 

[OneBigBlur]

I'm a Deist and I have no idea what happens after but a permanent nothingness sounds pretty good to me. However, I'd like there to go to something like Heaven but that's wishful thinking. I'd settle for nonexistence and find that comforting in some ways but I also find it distressing because I believe I deserve better than "nothing" as do many others.