LunarPyotr
Похорони меня возле МКАДа
- Jul 4, 2020
- 495
It happened…
I don't know what happened but something triggered my old thoughts and I tried to end it all but somehow failed it.
The life didn't treat me kindly. I was overworked, I was pissed at my car and I started with the damn cutting again.
After my failure recently, I decided to take 2 weeks off and travel to Poland. I traded my BMW shitbox which broke on me before selling it and I bought a minivan called Seat Altea with some slight ABS and ESP issues which I think are most likely related to some sensor because it happens after 5 minutes of driving.
I didn't feel like it's gonna be safe to stay in Germany because I spend like 4 weeks at the closed section at a hospital, all tied up to the bed with limited movement. Sure, I didn't mind that that much, I thought that it was rather kinky but I was bored like hell. I was only allowed to bring my jailbroken Kindle with me and read some ebook. Since my Kindle is very old and not supported by Amazon store and Kindle desktop app anymore, I began browsing my favourite app where I can just get any book free of charge and I found a rather interesting book. It's called Fortune 69 by David Heath and it is kinda interesting.
If you read the description on Amazon, you'll understand why.
Anyway, I'm still not doing that well, I'm currently on some shitty medication which has some slight side effects so that I only take it before going to bed since I should only take one of those pills per day and it seems to be working somehow.
I'll keep myself distracted with fixing my new car and since at the end of the next week I'll be going back to work, I'll try to get some more weeks off from my doctor and travel with the minivan somewhere secluded to clear my head. I already seen a nice forest house in the middle of the woods at Czech Republic, where I could spend those weeks at and I'll try to do some art, work on my book and do some other things. At the release date I traded in my intel MacBook Air for the largest iPad Pro which I'm misusing as a laptop with the Logitech combo touch keyboard since that MacBook wont be getting updates and because of all the issues and since Apple switched to their own Silicon chips, it's more difficult to break into those m* powered Apple devices and on the iPad you get a MacBook Air and a Tablet in one package.
I hope I'll get at the somewhat peaceful mindset that I used to have back before my attempt.
Sure, back then I was sometimes having passive suicidal thoughts from time to time but at least I could get used to them but now. Hell no, it's just so intense that I need to keep myself distracted somehow. I even bought my Nintendo Switch with me to keep myself distracted if the weather outside is bad and I don't feel like going out.
The funniest thing is that there is a stray cat at the place where I'm currently at and last night I just took it inside, checked for lice and that cutie slept together with me in bed and he was purring like crazy while I was falling asleep. But yeah, cats are dicks sometimes and he woke me up at 5 am because he wanted to go back outside again but nonetheless it was such a nice experience. I would also gladly adopt some mane coon cat since they can grow into a miniature tiger but I don't want it to suffer because of my shitty work schedule. I can accept my suffer but leaving such an beautiful cat alone for 8 hours sounds awful and I wouldn't want some cat to suffer because of me.
In the end I can only hope that some god damn day I'll make full recovery or at least some day find someone who loves me the way I am, who will support me and doesn't mind my issues.
I don't know what happened but something triggered my old thoughts and I tried to end it all but somehow failed it.
The life didn't treat me kindly. I was overworked, I was pissed at my car and I started with the damn cutting again.
After my failure recently, I decided to take 2 weeks off and travel to Poland. I traded my BMW shitbox which broke on me before selling it and I bought a minivan called Seat Altea with some slight ABS and ESP issues which I think are most likely related to some sensor because it happens after 5 minutes of driving.
I didn't feel like it's gonna be safe to stay in Germany because I spend like 4 weeks at the closed section at a hospital, all tied up to the bed with limited movement. Sure, I didn't mind that that much, I thought that it was rather kinky but I was bored like hell. I was only allowed to bring my jailbroken Kindle with me and read some ebook. Since my Kindle is very old and not supported by Amazon store and Kindle desktop app anymore, I began browsing my favourite app where I can just get any book free of charge and I found a rather interesting book. It's called Fortune 69 by David Heath and it is kinda interesting.
If you read the description on Amazon, you'll understand why.
Anyway, I'm still not doing that well, I'm currently on some shitty medication which has some slight side effects so that I only take it before going to bed since I should only take one of those pills per day and it seems to be working somehow.
I'll keep myself distracted with fixing my new car and since at the end of the next week I'll be going back to work, I'll try to get some more weeks off from my doctor and travel with the minivan somewhere secluded to clear my head. I already seen a nice forest house in the middle of the woods at Czech Republic, where I could spend those weeks at and I'll try to do some art, work on my book and do some other things. At the release date I traded in my intel MacBook Air for the largest iPad Pro which I'm misusing as a laptop with the Logitech combo touch keyboard since that MacBook wont be getting updates and because of all the issues and since Apple switched to their own Silicon chips, it's more difficult to break into those m* powered Apple devices and on the iPad you get a MacBook Air and a Tablet in one package.
I hope I'll get at the somewhat peaceful mindset that I used to have back before my attempt.
Sure, back then I was sometimes having passive suicidal thoughts from time to time but at least I could get used to them but now. Hell no, it's just so intense that I need to keep myself distracted somehow. I even bought my Nintendo Switch with me to keep myself distracted if the weather outside is bad and I don't feel like going out.
The funniest thing is that there is a stray cat at the place where I'm currently at and last night I just took it inside, checked for lice and that cutie slept together with me in bed and he was purring like crazy while I was falling asleep. But yeah, cats are dicks sometimes and he woke me up at 5 am because he wanted to go back outside again but nonetheless it was such a nice experience. I would also gladly adopt some mane coon cat since they can grow into a miniature tiger but I don't want it to suffer because of my shitty work schedule. I can accept my suffer but leaving such an beautiful cat alone for 8 hours sounds awful and I wouldn't want some cat to suffer because of me.
In the end I can only hope that some god damn day I'll make full recovery or at least some day find someone who loves me the way I am, who will support me and doesn't mind my issues.
