Something has been bothering me lately. I want to accept death fully, but I've started leaning into my more delusional side again and I want to share my thoughts with other people.
I've been diving deep into conversations about reincarnation and any adjacent spirituality that talks about a new life after death. Not necessarily heaven or hell type stuff, but reincarnation type stuff. Forgetting everything and starting over from birth.
I'm worried that if it's real, CTB would "ruin my karma" and I'd come back onto this planet with a worse life and less ways out of it as a result of my past life death, to "teach me a karmic lesson." Something relating to this is how my "karmic tail" is 9-9-18, and that's associated with isolation and professional underdevelopment (and yes, I relate to that very heavily). Said karmic tail is related to CTB or untimely passing if someone fails their "karmic test." But some people can have the karmic tail that means they CTB in a past life, and many of them are attractive and wealthy in their current life, so I don't know. Am I crazy? Am I reading into this too much?
I also read some people's take on how to become a person with abundance and success in the next life. Many said if you give money, you'll come back wealthy since you "sent out that energy" and got good karma. If you want to come back attractive, they say to compliment people or "learn to find the beauty in yourself and others."They say whatever you're good at in this life could be a job in a next life. They also say that you tend to come back as the kind of person you threatened the most or gave the most trouble, like an abuser coming back handicapped or a bully coming back as a laughing stock. They also say on top of this that you can't clear bad karma, you have to ride it out until it's "cleared." Some people even said what you think about just before death is what you'll become in another life, like if you think of a song, you could become a singer, or if you think of your loved ones you could become a caretaker for them. I could go on and on about how much of this type of stuff has been floating in my head. Feel free to ask your own questions and answers too.
It makes me wonder what I'd be if I CTB and came back. What would a loser like me be? Well, I used to give money out for fun and didn't care if I ended up broke, so maybe I'll come back wealthy, I hope. I did call people good looking a couple times but have been called ugly plenty times. Would that make me come back as the opposite? Someone prone to an ego and an attractive appearance that stands out? I am isolated and have withdrawn on purpose, so would I be someone people want to be around? Since I'm always online with no life, I'm constantly viewing other people's stories and posts. Maybe in a next life, I'll be the one observed. Maybe a celebrity? Or an Internet personality? And I have argued with plenty of people before. Maybe because I threatened them, I could be criticized in the next life? And can I pick my appearance if I imagine it on my death bed right before my eternal rest?
This stuff started making me ask more questions. If this reincarnation, "karmic tail", "test for the soul" stuff is real, why are there so many people living similar lives to me, broke, poor and isolated? Were there a lot of bad people and I just happened to be one of them? And would I even want to be reincarnated? This world is a dump. Just imagine coming back onto the planet in the year 2108 trying to make a living! What would people even do in that time??? Eat pollution for breakfast with a side of societal collapse and AI singers?
But here is the main reason why I even care so much about this crap: I am drawn to this idea that maybe there is a way for me to live a life that makes me happy. Maybe I really can live a life that's full and filled with comforts. That if I try now to be a better person, I can be privileged and hot and smart with a full life. If I just get the formula right, I could maybe live the life I dream about. It's just hope for me that I can be something I can't be here.
I'll bet $10 this stuff isn't real and I'm overthinking. If it's fake then that's that, I'll accept nothingness with open arms once I get this life over with. But if this stuff is real, I hope that 2108 isn't too bad. :)
I've been diving deep into conversations about reincarnation and any adjacent spirituality that talks about a new life after death. Not necessarily heaven or hell type stuff, but reincarnation type stuff. Forgetting everything and starting over from birth.
I'm worried that if it's real, CTB would "ruin my karma" and I'd come back onto this planet with a worse life and less ways out of it as a result of my past life death, to "teach me a karmic lesson." Something relating to this is how my "karmic tail" is 9-9-18, and that's associated with isolation and professional underdevelopment (and yes, I relate to that very heavily). Said karmic tail is related to CTB or untimely passing if someone fails their "karmic test." But some people can have the karmic tail that means they CTB in a past life, and many of them are attractive and wealthy in their current life, so I don't know. Am I crazy? Am I reading into this too much?
I also read some people's take on how to become a person with abundance and success in the next life. Many said if you give money, you'll come back wealthy since you "sent out that energy" and got good karma. If you want to come back attractive, they say to compliment people or "learn to find the beauty in yourself and others."They say whatever you're good at in this life could be a job in a next life. They also say that you tend to come back as the kind of person you threatened the most or gave the most trouble, like an abuser coming back handicapped or a bully coming back as a laughing stock. They also say on top of this that you can't clear bad karma, you have to ride it out until it's "cleared." Some people even said what you think about just before death is what you'll become in another life, like if you think of a song, you could become a singer, or if you think of your loved ones you could become a caretaker for them. I could go on and on about how much of this type of stuff has been floating in my head. Feel free to ask your own questions and answers too.
It makes me wonder what I'd be if I CTB and came back. What would a loser like me be? Well, I used to give money out for fun and didn't care if I ended up broke, so maybe I'll come back wealthy, I hope. I did call people good looking a couple times but have been called ugly plenty times. Would that make me come back as the opposite? Someone prone to an ego and an attractive appearance that stands out? I am isolated and have withdrawn on purpose, so would I be someone people want to be around? Since I'm always online with no life, I'm constantly viewing other people's stories and posts. Maybe in a next life, I'll be the one observed. Maybe a celebrity? Or an Internet personality? And I have argued with plenty of people before. Maybe because I threatened them, I could be criticized in the next life? And can I pick my appearance if I imagine it on my death bed right before my eternal rest?
This stuff started making me ask more questions. If this reincarnation, "karmic tail", "test for the soul" stuff is real, why are there so many people living similar lives to me, broke, poor and isolated? Were there a lot of bad people and I just happened to be one of them? And would I even want to be reincarnated? This world is a dump. Just imagine coming back onto the planet in the year 2108 trying to make a living! What would people even do in that time??? Eat pollution for breakfast with a side of societal collapse and AI singers?
But here is the main reason why I even care so much about this crap: I am drawn to this idea that maybe there is a way for me to live a life that makes me happy. Maybe I really can live a life that's full and filled with comforts. That if I try now to be a better person, I can be privileged and hot and smart with a full life. If I just get the formula right, I could maybe live the life I dream about. It's just hope for me that I can be something I can't be here.
I'll bet $10 this stuff isn't real and I'm overthinking. If it's fake then that's that, I'll accept nothingness with open arms once I get this life over with. But if this stuff is real, I hope that 2108 isn't too bad. :)
I just want hope that I could have a nice life or try again. My head is just a mess right now
