Regret(random thoughts)

[ladolcemorte]

I'm in the coffee shop, after my shrink's appointment. (A coffee and fizzy water are my reward for leaving the house)

At a table across from me there are two women having a lively conversation. One woman is exactly how I used to be: dynamic, fashionable, and funny. She is about 10 years older than me and has some kind of job where she gets to travel. She and her friend are laughing and sharing these beautiful authentic moments of joy and friendship.

I am so envious of this woman. She is who I wanted to be when I "grew up" and I feel like I could have grown up to be like her, if only I had done things differently. The regret is eating me alive. I feel like there is a shark living in my belly and it is just gnawing away at my stomach lining, then moving on to my throat.

It reminds me of a quote from the movie "Magnolia". The dying guy cries out in despair: "the regret...the goddamn regret". That is how I am feeling about coming to terms with the end of my life. What hurts the most is the regret...the goddamn regret....

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Don't let it get to you. We all take our own path in life. Society is fake and the more someone has in life the more they have to lose in death.

Letting go is one of the hardest things there is to do. Life takes everything from you in a slow and methodical fashion. Piece by piece, year by year.

 

[BFishy]

I'm in the coffee shop, after my shrink's appointment. (A coffee and fizzy water are my reward for leaving the house)

At a table across from me there are two women having a lively conversation. One woman is exactly how I used to be: dynamic, fashionable, and funny. She is about 10 years older than me and has some kind of job where she gets to travel. She and her friend are laughing and sharing these beautiful authentic moments of joy and friendship.

I am so envious of this woman. She is who I wanted to be when I "grew up" and I feel like I could have grown up to be like her, if only I had done things differently. The regret is eating me alive. I feel like there is a shark living in my belly and it is just gnawing away at my stomach lining, then moving on to my throat.

It reminds me of a quote from the movie "Magnolia". The dying guy cries out in despair: "the regret...the goddamn regret". That is how I am feeling about coming to terms with the end of my life. What hurts the most is the regret...the goddamn regret....

What is fizzy water? I am also full of regrets. I love my daughter but wish I wasn't a parent. The list is long for sure, just like wishing we knew then what we know now. My daughter is my life, but on the same token my life is meaningless and worthless to me. I have never seemed to find genuine love so what's the point in it for me? I can and have loved but can't seem to find it in return.

 

[ladolcemorte]

What is fizzy water? I am also full of regrets. I love my daughter but wish I wasn't a parent. The list is long for sure, just like wishing we knew then what we know now. My daughter is my life, but on the same token my life is meaningless and worthless to me. I have never seemed to find genuine love so what's the point in it for me? I can and have loved but can't seem to find it in return.

Fizzy water is a generic term for carbonated water. Like a San Pelligrino or a Perrier. I am Canadian but I think "fizzy water" might be a British term. (I watch a lot of British TV so sometimes I pick up their words. )

 

[BFishy]

Fizzy water is a generic term for carbonated water. Like a San Pelligrino or a Perrier. I am Canadian but I think "fizzy water" might be a British term. (I watch a lot of British TV so sometimes I pick up their words. )

Thankyou. I appreciate it and you.