Regret not using it when I had it

[je.suis.prêt]

I am on the fence between recovery and suicide, but the barbed wire makes it an uncomfortable position to be in.

I had SN, and part of me regrets not using it before it was seized by the authorities. I think I want some more; if anyone knows an alternative to IC, I would be grateful for a PM.

I understand that suffering is suffering, and it isn't always fair to compare one persons suffering to that of another, but I do think that my problems are less severe than others on this forum; I am not terminally ill, mentally handicapped, etc…

But I simply cannot cope with the difficulties that come with existing.

Maybe I am just a typical lazy, entitled millennial.

I do not want to live off someone else, I want to run my own life, but it doesn't seem worth it. I do not want someone else paying my way through life, or doing everything for me, but at the same time, I cannot make it work on my own. I would just rather have not been born to avoid such issues. I'm not cut out for this, I am a genuinely worthless life in a sea of billions (8 billion now?)

I don't feel like I can handle life. If life was a video game, I would quit, turn the console off, and just leave it on a shelf.

I had the SN, the money for a weekend at my favourite hotel, and the privacy to kill myself, but they're all gone, and I regret not using them.

Now, what if I order SN, and the authorities show up? My house mates will know and it will be embarrassing…

 

[Valky]

You don't need to feel bad for the fact that people may have it worse than you. That doesn't matter. Pain is still pain. And if you are suffering to such extends then it doesn't matter if people have it worse or not.

You are entitled to your own feelings and they are valid.

I can't help you out there sadly but I see your pain and I wish you all the best, no matter what you decide to do :)

 

[je.suis.prêt]

You don't need to feel bad for the fact that people may have it worse than you. That doesn't matter. Pain is still pain. And if you are suffering to such extends then it doesn't matter if people have it worse or not.

You are entitled to your own feelings and they are valid.

I can't help you out there sadly but I see your pain and I wish you all the best, no matter what you decide to do :)

Thank you for your reply

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It is terribly painful not to have taken the chance when it was there. I can feel with you how horrible that is. You are not alone. Unfortunately I can't help with the situation much more. All the best and good luck!

 

[picklemick]

I am on the fence between recovery and suicide, but the barbed wire makes it an uncomfortable position to be in.

I had SN, and part of me regrets not using it before it was seized by the authorities. I think I want some more; if anyone knows an alternative to IC, I would be grateful for a PM.

I understand that suffering is suffering, and it isn't always fair to compare one persons suffering to that of another, but I do think that my problems are less severe than others on this forum; I am not terminally ill, mentally handicapped, etc…

But I simply cannot cope with the difficulties that come with existing.

Maybe I am just a typical lazy, entitled millennial.

I do not want to live off someone else, I want to run my own life, but it doesn't seem worth it. I do not want someone else paying my way through life, or doing everything for me, but at the same time, I cannot make it work on my own. I would just rather have not been born to avoid such issues. I'm not cut out for this, I am a genuinely worthless life in a sea of billions (8 billion now?)

I don't feel like I can handle life. If life was a video game, I would quit, turn the console off, and just leave it on a shelf.

I had the SN, the money for a weekend at my favourite hotel, and the privacy to kill myself, but they're all gone, and I regret not using them.

Now, what if I order SN, and the authorities show up? My house mates will know and it will be embarrassing…

I completely feel for you. It's very stressful not having a way out. I also had my SN taken by authorities during a wellness check the day I planned to ctb

 

[FuneralCry]

It's so inhumane how the authorties have removed people's SN, it's disgusting to deny people a reliable way to finally leave this world and just expect them to be prisoners to this existence until they die anyway, I understand why you would feel so regretful. But anyway your feelings towards existence are really understandable, existing is just a tedious, unappealing and unnecessary chore after all, it makes sense wishing that you never existed at all, there's just no point to existing.