Reflection

[Soulless_Angel]

Do you ever sit and look back on the last year, decade, or how ever long and think about the path that has led you to where you are now, do you have a clear line of how you have ended up on the path you have ended up on? The one you are on today, even if you path has been set for a length already, do you ever reflect and think about whether you could have changed it, if you had wanted too, or do you think once your path is set there is no changing it?
The last few months have made me open my eyes to my life, my path, my history, and I realise that no matter what I did with my choices, I would have ended up where I am now.
Everything I have ever worked towards, or gained in my life I end up losing, so what's the point of living when at the end you have nothing to show for it. A year ago I had everything, two small self employed business, a car, friends, social life, I had so much future, them suddenly, in one night, it was all ripped apart and the ripples just continued until my mind screwed me over, sent me down the path of self destruction, as I learned the hard way that what I need, what I want from life, I have to put everyone else first. Everything I had a year ago, I no longer have, its all gone and more,
What is the point of living if you cannot or am unable too meet your own needs? It's then I looked back at my life and realised, this is all I have been, someone who has to be there for others, not for herself. What I need and want doesn't matter,
Is this really a way to live life or am I just being selfish? I know I am selfish, ignore that, I don't need that clarification~

I just want this endless cycle to end, I have tried but nothing ever changes. Everyone runs back to their safety net, regardless of the harm it can cause.

Sorry kinda venting, but wondering too, are our paths destined or are they chosen by us, in which case can they truly be altered for indefinite?

 

[Mr2005]

All the time

 

[Jean Améry]

For what it's worth I don't think it's selfish to want a good life or to achieve certain things. In any case it's not something morally reprehensible. Nor is it to want to escape unbearable or at least hopeless circumstances: no more than it is to try to escape a burning house.

I too had much potential and a few people who were near and dear to my heart. All that came crashing down, not even due to a fault of my own. If all that remains ias a shell of what one once was it's quite understandable to want to cease existing.

Without knowing the specifics of your life I think I understand your sentiment and question quite well.

wondering too, are our paths destined or are they chosen by us, in which case can they truly be altered for indefinite?

That's an incredibly deep question: do we have free will or are our lives nothing more than chains of cause and effect?

Honestly I don't know and I doubt anyone does, regardless of the many tomes that have been written about this subject.

 

[262653]

I believe in causality, the bunch of things interacting with each other. That choices are derivatives and are not free by design. That things happen the way they (or we, doesn't matter) have to, and if things had to go another route, it would be another universe. That the routs are set and now we are experiencing them, akin to cinematic, interactive videogames.

I look at the cards and the decision making framework is one of them! Hahaha, such a joy... I don't know what to say really. I think I'm just expressing myself too.

I wonder why suicide is keep getting lobbied, the primordial brain made it clear it's not going to give approval. Wouldn't it be easier to accept life as your sole master? Accept the cards you have, no matter how unfavorable they are seem to be?