GeneralPanda199
Member
- Feb 1, 2023
- 15
Hey sorry i forgot to write in last week in case someone is actually reading what i'm writting XD.
Last Friday i came home in the late afternoon exhausted, but thankfully i was exhausted in a good way! A few weeks ago, before i wrote my first Journal post here, i ended up getting the courage to get back in contact with a childhood friend of mine, i won't go into details but suffice it to say that we go way back in our childhoods. I've been wanting to do that for a while, but like i said i never gathered enough courage to take that initiative, probably cause i'm not use to getting in contact with other people first, usually in the past i just waited for others to do so. I had a lot of fun honestly, we ate at one of those all you can eat places and watch the Minecraft movie after. Though i couldn't help myself but be atleast a bit weirded out from how different he became over the last couple of years. Not exactly that he changed his whole personality, i don't think atleast, but there was one main thing, he converted to become a Christian.
I didn't probed too much into how he ended up starting to become a believer, but i never expected him to end up like this, i always thought he was similar to me, two autistic guys doing their own thing, too busy being in their bubbles of interests to do religious stuff, now he's supposedly going to get baptized. I thought he would be chatolic, but it seems that he doesn't identify himself with a specific denomination. I've never really studied the bible myself but i know bits of the stories and beliefs of Christianity here and there, that's how i managed to keep a conversation with him. He's more of a yapper i'm more of a listener, we make a good duo me thinks :3. Though now he talks less about videogames (Which we still talked about like the new Nintendo Switch), but mostly about religious stuff, which i don't really mind to be honest, but it did put me a bit on the edge since like a lot of other stuff, i'm also not used to have complex conversations with other people, which was partially why i was so hesitant to talk with a psychologist, especially since we went to a private hospital to do it (European country with a National Health Service but there's a huge short on mental health professionals there), so i didn't wanna risk wasting money if i wasn't able to say what i needed to do, even though it was my mom's money not mine.
I also went on an interview a few days ago for a part-time job at one of the supermarket chains we have here. Honestly i really do hate the fact that i'm not able to get a job in my field (I finnished High/Secondary School through a vocational course that was focused on Computer Sciences. Programming Server managment, that sort of thing), i need to find a job really soon, i've been pressured by my parents for a while now and i can't afford to get kicked out of home, i actually got very close at it some months ago after a bad argument, but thanfully we sorted things out. But yeah, for now i guess i just gotta try and see what i can get, if even... You'd figure that jobs wouldn't be that hard to get since companies have been complaining about lack of a workforce for so long, but that's the shit life us Zoomers have to deal with. I've also considered on applying for University since right now it's the time of the year where people are supposed to start registering to do the entry exams, usually for the degree i want i would have to do a math exam, but if i recall, a lot of universities that are focused on degrees like tech ones, do have a special entry requirement for people that went through the vocational education like i did, they do pratical exams i believe, but i need to check on that. My idea would be to have a part-time job and do uni as well. Not that i need the money for the fees i think, i'm pretty sure i have the grades necessary to apply for scholarship, but it would be nice to have some extra money on the side.
Other than that there's really nothing much to it. For some reason i've seen to have struggled with existential crisis atleast once every day, usually at nightime. I don't if that's what you call it, but i started overthinking about dying and what comes after it, that sort of thing. Ironically i think that my fear of finding out about whether an afterlife exists or not too soon is the only thing that really stopped me from seriously considering about ending my life. I had some thoughts in days, but usually sleeping it off would save the issue. It's a pain in the ass having those intrusive thoughts in my head tho, i don't wanna risk loosing all the progress i've started and go back to 0.
But yeah, that's all i have for now. Oh and if anyone wants i would like to have a buddy to chat with here. I think that i can use the Private Message feature here but i'm not sure.
So yeah, see you next week
Last Friday i came home in the late afternoon exhausted, but thankfully i was exhausted in a good way! A few weeks ago, before i wrote my first Journal post here, i ended up getting the courage to get back in contact with a childhood friend of mine, i won't go into details but suffice it to say that we go way back in our childhoods. I've been wanting to do that for a while, but like i said i never gathered enough courage to take that initiative, probably cause i'm not use to getting in contact with other people first, usually in the past i just waited for others to do so. I had a lot of fun honestly, we ate at one of those all you can eat places and watch the Minecraft movie after. Though i couldn't help myself but be atleast a bit weirded out from how different he became over the last couple of years. Not exactly that he changed his whole personality, i don't think atleast, but there was one main thing, he converted to become a Christian.
I didn't probed too much into how he ended up starting to become a believer, but i never expected him to end up like this, i always thought he was similar to me, two autistic guys doing their own thing, too busy being in their bubbles of interests to do religious stuff, now he's supposedly going to get baptized. I thought he would be chatolic, but it seems that he doesn't identify himself with a specific denomination. I've never really studied the bible myself but i know bits of the stories and beliefs of Christianity here and there, that's how i managed to keep a conversation with him. He's more of a yapper i'm more of a listener, we make a good duo me thinks :3. Though now he talks less about videogames (Which we still talked about like the new Nintendo Switch), but mostly about religious stuff, which i don't really mind to be honest, but it did put me a bit on the edge since like a lot of other stuff, i'm also not used to have complex conversations with other people, which was partially why i was so hesitant to talk with a psychologist, especially since we went to a private hospital to do it (European country with a National Health Service but there's a huge short on mental health professionals there), so i didn't wanna risk wasting money if i wasn't able to say what i needed to do, even though it was my mom's money not mine.
I also went on an interview a few days ago for a part-time job at one of the supermarket chains we have here. Honestly i really do hate the fact that i'm not able to get a job in my field (I finnished High/Secondary School through a vocational course that was focused on Computer Sciences. Programming Server managment, that sort of thing), i need to find a job really soon, i've been pressured by my parents for a while now and i can't afford to get kicked out of home, i actually got very close at it some months ago after a bad argument, but thanfully we sorted things out. But yeah, for now i guess i just gotta try and see what i can get, if even... You'd figure that jobs wouldn't be that hard to get since companies have been complaining about lack of a workforce for so long, but that's the shit life us Zoomers have to deal with. I've also considered on applying for University since right now it's the time of the year where people are supposed to start registering to do the entry exams, usually for the degree i want i would have to do a math exam, but if i recall, a lot of universities that are focused on degrees like tech ones, do have a special entry requirement for people that went through the vocational education like i did, they do pratical exams i believe, but i need to check on that. My idea would be to have a part-time job and do uni as well. Not that i need the money for the fees i think, i'm pretty sure i have the grades necessary to apply for scholarship, but it would be nice to have some extra money on the side.
Other than that there's really nothing much to it. For some reason i've seen to have struggled with existential crisis atleast once every day, usually at nightime. I don't if that's what you call it, but i started overthinking about dying and what comes after it, that sort of thing. Ironically i think that my fear of finding out about whether an afterlife exists or not too soon is the only thing that really stopped me from seriously considering about ending my life. I had some thoughts in days, but usually sleeping it off would save the issue. It's a pain in the ass having those intrusive thoughts in my head tho, i don't wanna risk loosing all the progress i've started and go back to 0.
But yeah, that's all i have for now. Oh and if anyone wants i would like to have a buddy to chat with here. I think that i can use the Private Message feature here but i'm not sure.
So yeah, see you next week
