Recovery making it worse :(

[lobster salad]

I really feel that my attempt at trying recovery has made it worse. Now my parents know I'm crazy and they are suspicious of everything I do, I'm not allowed to do anything , even the things I like to do. because they make me feel worse according to my mom. They are worried and don't understand me which is kinda their fault, and scared I will leave them which i inevitably will. I felt that my mom was too controlling and I was to ctb for that , and now that I've seeked psychiatric help, she uses it as reason to keep me more under her control, that I've literally become a puppet. All under the saying that I cannot be trusted. No knives in the house, no computer, no alcohol, no antidepressants cos of the 'side effects'. The whole point of recovery was to be helped but my mom prevents all this, with veto and her petty reasons that only supports her cause. she thinks she knows well but she is so blind cos she is judgemental and invalidating and I don't talk to her for that. doesn't even want to pay for my mental well being. Tbh I think she hates me. But she said she would pay for my physical well being like exquisite food which doesn't make me feel any less than dead. She thinks she knows what is good for me when she really doesn't she picks fights with everyone, including dentists (who effed my teeth up for it) and psychiatrists . Even with her helicopter parenting, I feel so lonely, it's not like I can talk to my family, only select friends, whom won't talk to me. I regret not killing myself 3 weeks back when I was going to, the only thing I've brought back by staying was more torture to myself and I caught covid and spreaded it to my family. I fucking hate myself so much I wish it'll all be over soon. Does anyone know how I can get anti depressants? Before my ctb date i really wanted to see if they could change my mind but my mom denied the opportunity. Is there any way I can leave my house? What if I just jumped out of the window and ran away maybe it would help? .. I wish I had my own job my own house some energy to stop being lazy and everything. I feel it would not make it the world for me but at least it would be bearable, cos even tho I love her, I don't even want to see her.

 

[timf]

When people start being parents, they have to do everything for their child. As the child becomes a toddler, they have to direct every action to keep the child safe. Some parents never leave this stage and try to apply this level of control as their child grows through adolescence.

When you shared your thoughts with your parents, you may have triggered their panic mode and sent them back to their default mode of tying to keep you "safe".

The situation you find yourself in now may be moderated if you approach your parents almost as if you were the adult. If you approach them to explain their decisions in a slow deliberate and reasoned way, you may find an opening to offer alternative courses of action.

One approach is to help them understand that their attempts to control are understandable and you appreciate the care they have for you that motivates it. However, it is making you feel like a prison inmate and that can lead to the development of resentment and even push you further away.

If they can recognize that you validate their concerns, it may make them open to considering alternatives. Increased control may be the only course of action they can see for now. If you help them to see that there are other more productive paths to take, you may be able to get them to change.

 

[bed]

You're of legal age so your mom can't prevent you from getting medication from a doctor, she has no legal say in the matter.

 

[lobster salad]

You're of legal age so your mom can't prevent you from getting medication from a doctor, she has no legal say in the matter.

oh bed I do not live in the USA. In this part of the world, legal age is not as simple. At 18 you are permitted to buy alcohol, and will be sentenced to death for major crimes like murder. However you cannot buy cigarettes until 21. You cannot make medical decisions like this matter until 21 plus attendance of mandatory military service. I wish it was so much easier. feels like hell being fully conscious yet trapped under supervision like a child. what am I gonna do, wait? or open my mouth of suicide talk and get more trouble than I already have acquired? I do feel trapped

 

[bed]

oh bed I do not live in the USA. In this part of the world, legal age is not as simple. At 18 you are permitted to buy alcohol, and will be sentenced to death for major crimes like murder. However you cannot buy cigarettes until 21. You cannot make medical decisions like this matter until 21 plus attendance of mandatory military service. I wish it was so much easier. feels like hell being fully conscious yet trapped under supervision like a child. what am I gonna do, wait? or open my mouth of suicide talk and get more trouble than I already have acquired? I do feel trapped

I'm so sorry @lobster salad :( I really wouldn't know what to do in your situation. I guess there's no way of going to the dr alone?

Sounds hellish to have to deal with that, especially when you want to get help. Being backed into a corner is terrible.

I don't know how good inpatient mental health facilities are but you could just call a hotline and say you're a threat to yourself. I'd assume if you get put into a ward they'd put you on meds like you want. Not sure if your mom would take those meds away though once you get out, you know more than me obviously.

Wishing you the best <3

 

[lobster salad]

When people start being parents, they have to do everything for their child. As the child becomes a toddler, they have to direct every action to keep the child safe. Some parents never leave this stage and try to apply this level of control as their child grows through adolescence.

When you shared your thoughts with your parents, you may have triggered their panic mode and sent them back to their default mode of tying to keep you "safe".

The situation you find yourself in now may be moderated if you approach your parents almost as if you were the adult. If you approach them to explain their decisions in a slow deliberate and reasoned way, you may find an opening to offer alternative courses of action.

One approach is to help them understand that their attempts to control are understandable and you appreciate the care they have for you that motivates it. However, it is making you feel like a prison inmate and that can lead to the development of resentment and even push you further away.

If they can recognize that you validate their concerns, it may make them open to considering alternatives. Increased control may be the only course of action they can see for now. If you help them to see that there are other more productive paths to take, you may be able to get them to change.

Thank you for this thoughtful reply. It's hard to talk to them, they - like most people irl - tell everyone else and spread anything I tell them because yaknow the world revolves around drama, and it won't change them if I tell them I am sensitive to this whole thing. My father is a poor man who spends all his cent on nightly alcohol and promised for many years that he would become a millionaire the next year and get me, his spouse and my siblings out of this nightmare which never happened. My mom is an extremely power hungry typical asian tiger woman who invalidates, manipulates and love full control over everyone in the house. She lacks any understanding and patience with others but thinks she does. She dictates my hobbies yes she actually does, and my entire lifestyle and she would drag me out of the bed, look at me like a zoo animal and force me into her schedule whether comfortable or not. She tells me how I am supposed to feel, whether I am happy or not, well rested or not, is all voiced by her without even asking me. How am I supposed to talk to them, they think I am a joke. I do talk to my dad a teeny tiny bit because he is slightly more human than my mom, and more understanding but he is also kinda assertive of his lifestyle over me and doesn't seem to understand me all that well. and after recent happenings I know I cannot trust him either. So I am quiet all the time unless online to friends. i opened to medical professionals but they, without clear understanding of my mom and dad relayed everything to them thru social workers etc etc.

I'm so sorry @lobster salad :( I really wouldn't know what to do in your situation. I guess there's no way of going to the dr alone?

Sounds hellish to have to deal with that, especially when you want to get help. Being backed into a corner is terrible.

I don't know how good inpatient mental health facilities are but you could just call a hotline and say you're a threat to yourself. I'd assume if you get put into a ward they'd put you on meds like you want. Not sure if your mom would take those meds away though once you get out, you know more than me obviously.

Wishing you the best <3

already did that. It happened about 3 weeks ago, and they asked my mom for the meds cos even tho I am 18+ I am not 21+ with MS so their permission was necessary. And my mom just said no, cos she doesn;t believe I feel this way and she things meds will make me fat or constipated. Also because I don't talk at all at home for the reasons above, they assume all my feelings, to be positive and therefore offer less help. I feel that saying I am okay is better than saying I am not, getting my jaw grabbed and someone looking me in the eyes to tell me I am not allowed to die a non natural death.

 

[bed]

terrible parenting, some people just should not have kids.