Recovery is really tough

[reesespiecesaregood]

So I stopped actively planning since this whole covid thing started, and decided I may as well use the time to try to sort some shit out. But as much as im trying to fight the thoughts they're just constantly there, no matter what I'm doing. It's so freaking exhausting trying to keep it together and act like I'm good. I was noticeably depressed this winter and my family caught on (this is when I was seriously planning and 100% set on going), but now I've managed to convince them it was just a seasonal thing and I'm better now. Obviously they didn't know of my plans but they were concerned. But every time someone asks how I am and I say I'm doing well I feel a million times worse; lonelier, stuck, like I have nowhere to turn. Idk what to do. I'm really trying to stick it out especially because I'm in an area where Covid is overwhelming hospitals, and god forbid I failed at my attempt I really don't wanna be that person that took up a much needed bed or ventilator when there's people battling a pandemic who actually wanna live. I figured this was an ideal time to just suck it up and try to get myself back on track so I can maybe give life a shot again, but I still feel so shitty every day. Awful actually. And the fact that no one can know makes it so much worse. Recovery is hard :-(

 

[Deleted member 14573]

Hey reese,

I am also trying to recover and it's the same for me. I feel very stressed and empty everyday. Recovery is definitely an uphill battle and can be incredibly lonely.

But if you have the intention to recover and keep pushing and fighting with everything you've got, I am sure that you will make it to the otherside

 

[throwaway123]

hey man same here it's so hard. I can't keep this up anymore. I'm so tired. I've been considering going to a psychiatrist because I simply can't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore.

 

[Somberly_]

What ideas have you tried to get back on track while you're stuck during COVID? Could help to talk it out and maybe get some input on things that have helped other people. I hope things get better though

 

[Supersadmommy90]

While I'm not glad you're having a hard time in recovery, it does make me feel better just hearing it acknowledged that it is hard. It's hard for me too, getting through the day. It's hard knowing there are so many hours in the day in which to feel shitty, and so few moments of relief or reassurance that it will ever get better. It's just gruelling and exhausting holding it all inside day after day. Holding it all together. Putting on a good face for family so that they don't worry. Been there done that and I have the t shirt to prove it, myself.

 

[reesespiecesaregood]

What ideas have you tried to get back on track while you're stuck during COVID? Could help to talk it out and maybe get some input on things that have helped other people. I hope things get better though

Personally I let myself go physically in the months that I was set on going, so I've been trying to eat better, workout at home, and keep up with basic hygiene because even that was getting hard to do. I've also tried to be a little more social (virtually) with friends lately, because most of them hadn't heard from me in months and were worried, so I've been trying to keep in touch more. But still, it's hard to act positive and normal when none of them have any idea what I was going through. I just told them I was off social media and super busy for that time, idk if they believe it but I doubt anyone suspects what really was going on. Just taking it one day at a time but it's hard, because now I feel like I took a million steps backwards and getting back to "normal" or whatever that is is even harder now after basically giving up. But I'm trying, so I guess that's something.