deadtrace
Member
- Aug 7, 2023
- 58
I haven't been on the site in a while because I've been trying to navigate my "future". My mental health crisis has destroyed everything I've been working towards for the last 4 years and I'm currently trying to sift through what's left.
I've tried again to reach out and practically beg for help. Nothing. Another MH service denies me because my doctor isn't in my local area... This is the fourth time this has happened in four years. I keep going through waiting lists, interrogations about my situation, going through every detail more times than I can handle. But every service in every area I try it's the same. "you aren't in this area but your doctor is so no" "you are here but your doctor isn't no".
I want to get better. I'm trying to fix my life but nothing works. There's no support from university I just get sent round in circles. I need to get a job and move on but how the fuck am I meant to do that in my current state?
Over the years I've tried begging for support. Nothing. I've tried doing things to better myself and work through everything slowly. Nothing. I've tried ignoring my own health and trying to force myself through it all. Nothing. If I could've just gotten through one year. That's all I had to do. But no everything keeps getting worse.
Right now I'm in a period of time where I have enough privacy to attempt ctb. I've known this was coming all year and it's the last good opportunity I'll get for a long time to quietly try at my own pace. I want to get better I don't want it all to end here but I feel I've tried everything. Now that I'm here I don't know what to do the time I have for this is limited to a another week max but I don't know what to do. I've tried everything I have access to multiple times to the point of annoying people with my attempts. But I don't want to die now. I was so close to getting through it all and at least being able to try in a new situation. That's the only thing I haven't been bale to try because I don't have access to it. An entirely new situation. I don't know what to do anymore. I've exhausted all options but I doubt I'll be able to commit to ctb now that I'm at this point. But there's nothing else I can do.
I've tried again to reach out and practically beg for help. Nothing. Another MH service denies me because my doctor isn't in my local area... This is the fourth time this has happened in four years. I keep going through waiting lists, interrogations about my situation, going through every detail more times than I can handle. But every service in every area I try it's the same. "you aren't in this area but your doctor is so no" "you are here but your doctor isn't no".
I want to get better. I'm trying to fix my life but nothing works. There's no support from university I just get sent round in circles. I need to get a job and move on but how the fuck am I meant to do that in my current state?
Over the years I've tried begging for support. Nothing. I've tried doing things to better myself and work through everything slowly. Nothing. I've tried ignoring my own health and trying to force myself through it all. Nothing. If I could've just gotten through one year. That's all I had to do. But no everything keeps getting worse.
Right now I'm in a period of time where I have enough privacy to attempt ctb. I've known this was coming all year and it's the last good opportunity I'll get for a long time to quietly try at my own pace. I want to get better I don't want it all to end here but I feel I've tried everything. Now that I'm here I don't know what to do the time I have for this is limited to a another week max but I don't know what to do. I've tried everything I have access to multiple times to the point of annoying people with my attempts. But I don't want to die now. I was so close to getting through it all and at least being able to try in a new situation. That's the only thing I haven't been bale to try because I don't have access to it. An entirely new situation. I don't know what to do anymore. I've exhausted all options but I doubt I'll be able to commit to ctb now that I'm at this point. But there's nothing else I can do.
