recovery is impossible and it’s all so hopeless

[bunny_brownie9]

I have bipolar & CPTSD from over a decade of abuse and trauma and it's so lonely. I'm only 22 but feel that I've experienced enough hurt and suffering to last me a lifetime. I'm sure other bipolar sufferers can relate but I won't do a whole life with this disorder.

Seeing people's recovery posts anywhere is so amazing but I know it will never be me and a tragic start will end tragically too.

I hope that my friends and family will understand why I felt like I had to do this. I'm so lonely in my head and i can't continue to suffer with my demons. I just want peace and relief and I guess it makes me sad that it all could've been avoided.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you've been through, it's cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find the peace you search for.

 

[bunny_brownie9]

That sounds really horrible what you've been through, it's cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find the peace you search for.

I completely agree and the sad thing about any trauma is that it could've been avoided :(

 

[stuckinthemud]

I have bipolar & CPTSD from over a decade of abuse and trauma and it's so lonely. I'm only 22 but feel that I've experienced enough hurt and suffering to last me a lifetime. I'm sure other bipolar sufferers can relate but I won't do a whole life with this disorder.

Seeing people's recovery posts anywhere is so amazing but I know it will never be me and a tragic start will end tragically too.

I hope that my friends and family will understand why I felt like I had to do this. I'm so lonely in my head and i can't continue to suffer with my demons. I just want peace and relief and I guess it makes me sad that it all could've been avoided.

I feel exactly the same way. I've had enough trauma for several life times. I'm not even familiar with my own mind anymore.
I always say I'm too broken to heal. This existence is now just a painful one. Each day is Groundhog Day.
CPTSD/PTSD is absolutely crippling,
"the person wants to let go of the past, but the past will not let go of the person".

 

[bunny_brownie9]

I feel exactly the same way. I've had enough trauma for several life times. I'm not even familiar with my own mind anymore.
I always say I'm too broken to heal. This existence is now just a painful one. Each day is Groundhog Day.
CPTSD/PTSD is absolutely crippling,
"the person wants to let go of the past, but the past will not let go of the person".

beyond crippling and the sad part is it's 100% preventable. I'm sorry you're experiencing it too. I've been told countless times 'it's been X amount of time, why aren't you over it yet?' but the truth is I never will be.

Even now I don't even know who I am anymore and I'm just existing. just on auto pilot always

 

[Imprisoned]

Fuck, this thread is so triggering because I feel the same exact way. There's just no hope for me anymore. I feel like I have no fucking choice but to do this...

I completely agree and the sad thing about any trauma is that it could've been avoided :(

This is so brutal. I could've been a happy, normal functioning person pursuing my dreams and exploring various cool hobbies, with friends and family that loved me. I could've had such a happy life....

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

I also feel like I can't recover from the trauma that I experienced last year.
I don't have the spark in me anymore.
Every single dream I had got crushed

 

[DazaiKinnie]

I have bipolar & CPTSD from over a decade of abuse and trauma and it's so lonely. I'm only 22 but feel that I've experienced enough hurt and suffering to last me a lifetime. I'm sure other bipolar sufferers can relate but I won't do a whole life with this disorder.

Seeing people's recovery posts anywhere is so amazing but I know it will never be me and a tragic start will end tragically too.

I hope that my friends and family will understand why I felt like I had to do this. I'm so lonely in my head and i can't continue to suffer with my demons. I just want peace and relief and I guess it makes me sad that it all could've been avoided.

I turn 19 at the end of January. 17 years of my life were filled with trauma(I thought that other dads wanted to kill their kid or their wives because that happened to me and my mom and very often along with other things). I don't have the mental energy to care for myself or move in the house.