Recovery if you're trans?

[RainAndSadness]

I say this isn't possible, unless you're dealing with very positive circumstances. One of the most discussed aspects of recovery seems to be self-improvement. Like, getting into a better mental state and working on yourself, achieving a positive mindset. But the truth is, that's not always enough. If you're trans, you can try to improve as much as you want, you can work on your transition very hard, it's not gonna change much if society keeps treating you like garbage. Do you know how often people accuse us of being perverts? How often they accuse us of being predators? The whole bathroom discussion revolves around that. There is even the very nasty talking point of us being pedophiles. Yes, this happens, quite frequently, actually. In many countries. The same association existed for homosexuality some decades ago, looks like we're finally past that stereotype at least.
Society excludes us from certain jobs, simply for being trans. I'm not just talking about the higher chance of work discrimination if you're visibly trans. For example, the US banned trans people from the military, because apparently, we're not mentally and physically fit enough to serve. And at the same point, they believe we could totally trash all natal women in sports because we're so superior. That makes so much sense. We constantly have to deal with double standards. Fear mongering. Hate. And even violence. You're more likely to experience physical assault, sexual assault and even murder if you're trans. There is a high chance you'll face societal repercussions simply for existing. I don't think that's always the intention but the norms and laws of society are constructed specifically around natal people. We just recently started to include transgender people in society and that progress is very slow and it's frustrating for me. Because I'm probably not gonna experience inclusion and acceptance anymore in my short life. Only doctors, who are trained to deal with transgender people, seem to perceive me as a normal person and respect my gender identity.

How can I ever live a decent life if society treats me like this? There is so much negative propaganda out there. And we're probably one of the most stigmatized demographic groups on this planet in the 21th century. I just want to live my life in peace. The truth is, society isn't gonna let you live a peaceful life, unless you completely and totally pass as a natal woman. Not everyone who identifies as transgender has that privilege. I just wish people would get off my back and let me live my life in peace, for once.

And you know what's the worst? People use the high suicide rate of transgender people as an argument against us, even in pro-choice spaces similar to this forum. Even suicidal people did that in the past, I've witnessed it and it's just so mind-boggling. The conclusion of people isn't that we, as society, should treat suicidal people in a supporting and validating manner, no - apparently, it means that we should target trans people even more, try to make their life even worse and just step on them as much as possible.

It's just disgusting.

 

[melodies]

Yeah basically all the advice about how to do stuff and get better doesn't really apply to trans women. No matter what you do you still live in a world where the vast majority of people hate you and think of you as subhuman.

 

[Life sucks]

Hi dear, the way society and people are is very toxic and they'll hurt everyone who doesn't follow their stupid rules and lies. They'll be judgemental about everything and every aspect. I think this world is inherently toxic and we just suffer in it.
I'm not trans but I understand, I had online trans friends. Also I faced discrimination in my life(although different case but it is brutal, can tell you privately if you want). Also abuse and bullying.

This world is very wrong and for trans, they won't accept it because they are programmed for their old "values" and spreading propaganda of "destroying families" and this crap. It is a whole system based on lies and not scientific at all. Not to mention how people are generally toxic when it comes to sexuality related stuff and will be judgemental.

I don't know if its possible to "recover" after one exposes the shitty side of life. I don't know your circumstances, but it can be in as a distraction and avoiding toxicity as much as possible.

*hugs*
We are all sufferers in this shitty world

 

[YongeDundas]

I generally just avoid society. I currently live in a boiling hot desert where I'm alone most of the time. And I'm planning to move to a small seaside town with 1/3 of the population of this boiling hot desert. When you're trans you have 3 options: pass, hide, and die. Note that pass and hide both mean that you have to conceal the fact that you're trans. Die is the standard operating procedure: whether its suicide or murder trans people drop like flies.

Though, I've sold out and just decided to work in porn. That's about the only place that trans people are valued in society. I wish I could be more uplifting, but it sucks to be trans, sorry.

 

[Baskol1]

I generally just avoid society. I currently live in a boiling hot desert where I'm alone most of the time. And I'm planning to move to a small seaside town with 1/3 of the population of this boiling hot desert. When you're trans you have 3 options: pass, hide, and die. Note that pass and hide both mean that you have to conceal the fact that you're trans. Die is the standard operating procedure: whether its suicide or murder trans people drop like flies.

Though, I've sold out and just decided to work in porn. That's about the only place that trans people are valued in society. I wish I could be more uplifting, but it sucks to be trans, sorry.

Where do you live? Probably in a very conservative place i assume?

 

[transgenderfailure]

And even if you pass 100%, but people somehow find out you're trans, then you're still lesser than. Society just hates us.

For the people who can't ever pass it's even more hell, cause, first of all, you have to deal with the intense hatred you have towards your body for developing in a way that makes you unable to pass and then you also have to deal with the eternal shit that society gives all trans people.

I never listen to people anymore who say recovery is possible, to me being trans, not passable, or famous, is a death sentence

Working in a regular job would literally be so draining. The only place where a transwoman can thrive is if she's famous on social media, for whatever reason, porn or just youtube or idk, I think then life could be manageable, but having to live in day to day society with a day to day job seems like absolute hell with all the judging ass people who exist there. Even cispeople hate these environments, plopping a trans person there is like giving the cispeople a free punching bag to destress upon.

 

[Azazel]

This world is full of hatred, it's just stupid, but it's how it is, sadly. I'm a bisexual cisgender, and I rarely tell anyone my sexuality, not even my family knows about it. I can't imagine how hard it is to be trans in this society, I can only show respect to those who are able to show themselves to the world. I would hope that in a few generations everyone would be free to express themselves and be who they really are without fear, but I know that this will take a long time and a lot of hard work. I wish you all the best, even if recovery is extremely hard or even impossible. I hope you can someday be happy being yourselves without anyone hating for no reason. But I know that what I'm hoping for is a utopia, at the moment

 

[YongeDundas]

Where do you live? Probably in a very conservative place i assume?

No, I'm just jaded from being hated by my family and living most of my life in conservative areas. I live in the Coachella Valley which is, by some estimates, the gayest place in the world. (At least Palm Springs is. My part of the valley is just kind of shit)

 

[suffocatingseraphim]

It's tough to say the easiest way to avoid the kind of mistreatment or discrimination that trans people go through. I'm a trans man, 19, and it feels like I've hardly buffed the surface of what shit the world has to throw out. I feel like many more years of it would get to me, before I got to myself.
Recovery is difficult if you ever start from a place that isn't conducive to what trans people experience on a day to day. Both internally from dysphoria, and externally from society.
Even on hormones, having my pronouns noted ocassionally, or being around a somewhat uplifting environment, even if I pass some days, I'll always know that there are people out there who want me, and other trans folk, dead. I know there are people who would do anything to harm someone who is trans, and it scares me. I've had people think I was cisgender, then it somehow slips that I'm FTM, and their whole attitude towards me changes.
I feel to a degree I'm just making them feel like they're in the right if I ctb, and that's one reason I've been trying to push to recover. If not for me, it's out of spite. Kind of a big 'fuck you' to people who want us in a bad place.
Sending you my love and support in your journey, and I am always open if you ever want a chat <3

 

[noaccount]

Hi Rain, I have a lot of admiration for you. Idk, I might ask myself, do I see self-improvement as important in my making-peace with life, in finding alternatives to suicide? My answer has been, not so much because it wasn't me doing something wrong that made me want to die... You either. You're not imagining or overreacting to any of this. I'm sorry.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

It's tough to say the easiest way to avoid the kind of mistreatment or discrimination that trans people go through. I'm a trans man, 19, and it feels like I've hardly buffed the surface of what shit the world has to throw out. I feel like many more years of it would get to me, before I got to myself.
Recovery is difficult if you ever start from a place that isn't conducive to what trans people experience on a day to day. Both internally from dysphoria, and externally from society.
Even on hormones, having my pronouns noted ocassionally, or being around a somewhat uplifting environment, even if I pass some days, I'll always know that there are people out there who want me, and other trans folk, dead. I know there are people who would do anything to harm someone who is trans, and it scares me. I've had people think I was cisgender, then it somehow slips that I'm FTM, and their whole attitude towards me changes.
I feel to a degree I'm just making them feel like they're in the right if I ctb, and that's one reason I've been trying to push to recover. If not for me, it's out of spite. Kind of a big 'fuck you' to people who want us in a bad place.
Sending you my love and support in your journey, and I am always open if you ever want a chat <3

Sorry if I might come across as very ignorant, but I'm honestly just curious:

Is living "disguised" as a man in day to day life so painful for someone who is transsexual? I mean is the pressure so great that it outweighs the incredible stigmatization one faces when living—and outwardly displaying oneself—as a transwoman?

And in what form is it painful? is it that you cannot live out your sexuality or is it inherently unpleasant to be recognized as male everywhere you go...?

Thanks

 

[gnomeboy17]

I totally feel this, I'm just over a year on testosterone, but still very suicidal. I'm so happy with all the physical changes and it's not about detransitioning, I just suddenly realised that I'll never be like the other men and I've already wasted the first 14+ years of my life as a girl, and even after I came out, it still felt wasted because I'm still predominantly female.

As much as it sucks that the trans suicide rate is so high, I genuinely feel greatful for all the transgender people I've interacted with on this site! Anyone can feel free to chat with me! :)

 

[Luchs]

I say this isn't possible, unless you're dealing with very positive circumstances. One of the most discussed aspects of recovery seems to be self-improvement. Like, getting into a better mental state and working on yourself, achieving a positive mindset. But the truth is, that's not always enough. If you're trans, you can try to improve as much as you want, you can work on your transition very hard, it's not gonna change much if society keeps treating you like garbage. Do you know how often people accuse us of being perverts? How often they accuse us of being predators? The whole bathroom discussion revolves around that. There is even the very nasty talking point of us being pedophiles. Yes, this happens, quite frequently, actually. In many countries. The same association existed for homosexuality some decades ago, looks like we're finally past that stereotype at least.
Society excludes us from certain jobs, simply for being trans. I'm not just talking about the higher chance of work discrimination if you're visibly trans. For example, the US banned trans people from the military, because apparently, we're not mentally and physically fit enough to serve. And at the same point, they believe we could totally trash all natal women in sports because we're so superior. That makes so much sense. We constantly have to deal with double standards. Fear mongering. Hate. And even violence. You're more likely to experience physical assault, sexual assault and even murder if you're trans. There is a high chance you'll face societal repercussions simply for existing. I don't think that's always the intention but the norms and laws of society are constructed specifically around natal people. We just recently started to include transgender people in society and that progress is very slow and it's frustrating for me. Because I'm probably not gonna experience inclusion and acceptance anymore in my short life. Only doctors, who are trained to deal with transgender people, seem to perceive me as a normal person and respect my gender identity.

How can I ever live a decent life if society treats me like this? There is so much negative propaganda out there. And we're probably one of the most stigmatized demographic groups on this planet in the 21th century. I just want to live my life in peace. The truth is, society isn't gonna let you live a peaceful life, unless you completely and totally pass as a natal woman. Not everyone who identifies as transgender has that privilege. I just wish people would get off my back and let me live my life in peace, for once.

And you know what's the worst? People use the high suicide rate of transgender people as an argument against us, even in pro-choice spaces similar to this forum. Even suicidal people did that in the past, I've witnessed it and it's just so mind-boggling. The conclusion of people isn't that we, as society, should treat suicidal people in a supporting and validating manner, no - apparently, it means that we should target trans people even more, try to make their life even worse and just step on them as much as possible.

It's just disgusting.

The truth is that you are fucked for life if you deviate from the norm too much. I've learnd that shutting up and repressing whatever makes you different, while destroying your emotional health, keeps you quite safe from the ills of society. I'm bi and had a few crushes on other guys, but after rumors came out that I fell in love with another guy and I gut bullied pretty badly, I just learned to ignore my feelings, no matter how impossible that is.

It's tough to say the easiest way to avoid the kind of mistreatment or discrimination that trans people go through. I'm a trans man, 19, and it feels like I've hardly buffed the surface of what shit the world has to throw out. I feel like many more years of it would get to me, before I got to myself.
Recovery is difficult if you ever start from a place that isn't conducive to what trans people experience on a day to day. Both internally from dysphoria, and externally from society.
Even on hormones, having my pronouns noted ocassionally, or being around a somewhat uplifting environment, even if I pass some days, I'll always know that there are people out there who want me, and other trans folk, dead. I know there are people who would do anything to harm someone who is trans, and it scares me. I've had people think I was cisgender, then it somehow slips that I'm FTM, and their whole attitude towards me changes.
I feel to a degree I'm just making them feel like they're in the right if I ctb, and that's one reason I've been trying to push to recover. If not for me, it's out of spite. Kind of a big 'fuck you' to people who want us in a bad place.
Sending you my love and support in your journey, and I am always open if you ever want a chat <3

Even in the West, where trans people are "tolerated" the most they are still treated like shit, I can't even imagine how it would be to live in a radical christian/muslim nation as a lgbt person.

 

[suzylou]

Sorry if I might come across as very ignorant, but I'm honestly just curious:

Is living "disguised" as a man in day to day life so painful for someone who is transsexual? I mean is the pressure so great that it outweighs the incredible stigmatization one faces when living—and outwardly displaying oneself—as a transwoman?

And in what form is it painful? is it that you cannot live out your sexuality or is it inherently unpleasant to be recognized as male everywhere you go...?

Thanks

can't speak for everyone else here, but as a trans woman who's been out for 4 years - it is painful for me, personally, and i haven't had to do that much for the past few years thankfully. i only do it when i have scenarios where i know people will be transphobic or rude (in which case i dont wear makeup, put my hair in a hat, wear baggy clothes to hide my tits, even then people usually read me as a girl), but it feels awful because of the trauma i've lived with my entire life associated with being seen as a man. it's not fun to revisit that. it's both of what you listed, i am a woman and i want to live as such, and i am not a man and i dont want to be seen or treated as one.

i waited until long after i was in a comfortable, more understanding community before transitioning. the way i saw it growing up: either i shut up, don't say anything, and kill myself because i can't access the healthcare and mental help i need to transition, or, transition, and then get killed by someone else for being trans. i stuck it out and made it out fine. you just have to move to the city. i feel so bad for the young kids who are stuck in horrible communities that are just going to die young because at best no one cares and at worst people will actively try to kill you. it's just not a fun scenario in any way

 

[terry_a_davis]

Forgive my ignorance if this isn't accurate but to me it seems like trans people are one of the few discriminated against minorities that are yet to be fully accepted by the rest of society, they are in the same position as gays were years ago. I think things are slowly getting better though with regard to laws etc, I notice new laws coming into being to try to help stop discrimination (in the uk). I do notice some hate for trans people online and I've witnessed it once irl and it was disgusting, I don't understand it. Must be tough enough as it is without all that.

 

[gnomeboy17]

Forgive my ignorance if this isn't accurate but to me it seems like trans people are one of the few discriminated against minorities that are yet to be fully accepted by the rest of society, they are in the same position as gays were years ago. I think things are slowly getting better though with regard to laws etc, I notice new laws coming into being to try to help stop discrimination (in the uk). I do notice some hate for trans people online and I've witnessed it once irl and it was disgusting, I don't understand it. Must be tough enough as it is without all that.

What is the law in the UK? You know they've shelved the GRA?

 

[terry_a_davis]

What is the law in the UK? You know they've shelved the GRA?

I'm only going by what i've briefly read online about laws relating to lgtbq people within the last 20 years or so, idk the details sorry. I've just googled GRA, idk much about it but I see reforms have been shelved, that's not good. I see scottish parliament is blaming it on coronavirus i don't know how true that is.

 

[gnomeboy17]

I'm only going by what i've briefly read online about laws relating to lgtbq people within the last 20 years or so, idk the details sorry. I've just googled GRA, idk much about it but I see reforms have been shelved, that's not good. I see scottish parliament is blaming it on coronavirus i don't know how true that is.

Oh right, because you said new laws coming into the UK, I thought you meant new. But yeah it has got better over 20 years but there's still a long way to go. Some guys from my old school spat on me the other day. Spitting is dirty at anytime, let alone a global pandemic. They shouldn't even have been in a mass gathering anyway. So much casual Transphobia happens but no one cares

 

[terry_a_davis]

Oh right, because you said new laws coming into the UK, I thought you meant new. But yeah it has got better over 20 years but there's still a long way to go. Some guys from my old school spat on me the other day. Spitting is dirty at anytime, let alone a global pandemic. They shouldn't even have been in a mass gathering anyway. So much casual Transphobia happens but no one cares

Yeah I meant laws over the last x number of years. I really do not understand the mentality of people do things like that. Why the hate? What's the justification? You don't harm anyone. Some people do care believe it or not, I care and others do, when I see it going on online I ask what's the reason for the hate in the hope that they realise there is no justification for it. When I seen it irl i didn't join in despite being encouraged to so and said lay off the person (but was ignored). I truly hope and believe transphobia will stop one day, that it will become as unacceptable as homophobia is now as this was overlooked years ago too, but it might be some time away yet.

 

[Mynameisnotimportant]

transphobes can seriously go fuck themselfs. I would suggest finding a trans or leftie/progressive discord server. Message me if you want some

 

[suffocatingseraphim]

No worries at all! It's not an ignorant question c: I appreciate you reaching out to ask.
@a.n.kirillov
In my personal experience being born DFAB (designated female at birth,) I'm only familiar with my experience of being female to male. In my time since realizing my identity and coming out, I've found that a majority of my energy goes into trying to pass. Or, trying to look as I am as a man. However, being born with breasts and different anatomy than a cisgender male, it can be very difficult to find comfort even if I pass as a man. Testosterone hormone therapy helps a lot to reduce my feelings of pain and discomfort in my own body, but, there is still gender dysphoria present.

I would say that it's a combination, in regards to things being painful. It's difficult to present as my true identity most times, because there's a constant and underlying fear that people will find out that I'm transgender, and it's also just tiring to keep up. It's equally unpleasant and painful to be regarded as my birth gender, to be called a woman or anything of the sort.
I know for folks who aren't able to come out or be open as trans, if they live in settings where it's dangerous for them to present their identity, there is a very real, and very strong discomfort with living in the closet as a transgender person. Gender dysphoria makes you feel like you'll never reach or understand your true self, but to some people there's a real danger present if they try to come out. Be it conservative family, small town, small country, there's a very high risk for being verbally abused, and even killed in some cases, if you're out of the closet. The threat is especially high for trans women.
Before I was able to come out, present as my true self, and start doing gender therapy, ever day felt like I was at war with myself. It still does sometimes, even with gender therapy.
This was a bit of a roundabout answer haha; but I hope it helped out a bit! :D

 

[a.n.kirillov]

can't speak for everyone else here, but as a trans woman who's been out for 4 years - it is painful for me, personally, and i haven't had to do that much for the past few years thankfully. i only do it when i have scenarios where i know people will be transphobic or rude (in which case i dont wear makeup, put my hair in a hat, wear baggy clothes to hide my tits, even then people usually read me as a girl), but it feels awful because of the trauma i've lived with my entire life associated with being seen as a man. it's not fun to revisit that. it's both of what you listed, i am a woman and i want to live as such, and i am not a man and i dont want to be seen or treated as one.

i waited until long after i was in a comfortable, more understanding community before transitioning. the way i saw it growing up: either i shut up, don't say anything, and kill myself because i can't access the healthcare and mental help i need to transition, or, transition, and then get killed by someone else for being trans. i stuck it out and made it out fine. you just have to move to the city. i feel so bad for the young kids who are stuck in horrible communities that are just going to die young because at best no one cares and at worst people will actively try to kill you. it's just not a fun scenario in any way

thanks for your perspective. Good point about moving to the city, that seems the only sensible thing to do in this case. Here in the countryside—where I live—a transexual would have had a very hard time, next to impossible.

 

[Brokenwings]

I say this isn't possible, unless you're dealing with very positive circumstances. One of the most discussed aspects of recovery seems to be self-improvement. Like, getting into a better mental state and working on yourself, achieving a positive mindset. But the truth is, that's not always enough. If you're trans, you can try to improve as much as you want, you can work on your transition very hard, it's not gonna change much if society keeps treating you like garbage. Do you know how often people accuse us of being perverts? How often they accuse us of being predators? The whole bathroom discussion revolves around that. There is even the very nasty talking point of us being pedophiles. Yes, this happens, quite frequently, actually. In many countries. The same association existed for homosexuality some decades ago, looks like we're finally past that stereotype at least.
Society excludes us from certain jobs, simply for being trans. I'm not just talking about the higher chance of work discrimination if you're visibly trans. For example, the US banned trans people from the military, because apparently, we're not mentally and physically fit enough to serve. And at the same point, they believe we could totally trash all natal women in sports because we're so superior. That makes so much sense. We constantly have to deal with double standards. Fear mongering. Hate. And even violence. You're more likely to experience physical assault, sexual assault and even murder if you're trans. There is a high chance you'll face societal repercussions simply for existing. I don't think that's always the intention but the norms and laws of society are constructed specifically around natal people. We just recently started to include transgender people in society and that progress is very slow and it's frustrating for me. Because I'm probably not gonna experience inclusion and acceptance anymore in my short life. Only doctors, who are trained to deal with transgender people, seem to perceive me as a normal person and respect my gender identity.

How can I ever live a decent life if society treats me like this? There is so much negative propaganda out there. And we're probably one of the most stigmatized demographic groups on this planet in the 21th century. I just want to live my life in peace. The truth is, society isn't gonna let you live a peaceful life, unless you completely and totally pass as a natal woman. Not everyone who identifies as transgender has that privilege. I just wish people would get off my back and let me live my life in peace, for once.

And you know what's the worst? People use the high suicide rate of transgender people as an argument against us, even in pro-choice spaces similar to this forum. Even suicidal people did that in the past, I've witnessed it and it's just so mind-boggling. The conclusion of people isn't that we, as society, should treat suicidal people in a supporting and validating manner, no - apparently, it means that we should target trans people even more, try to make their life even worse and just step on them as much as possible.

It's just disgusting.

Hi ,I'm in NY we have a special clinic just for LGBT ppl.
I dont think life is perfect for anyone no matter what they have going on but I do believe you will have a better life if your living as who you truly are than trying to be someone your not.