Recovery from breakup?

[HeartbrokenViking1]

Hi, so... I was in a 5 year relationship, and she was my everything.
I did everything to make it work, but in the end she ended it.
There isn't closure, she just wasn't ready for a relationship, has to find herself. And she asked me not to contact her again.
I suppose it's nice that we were able to say goodbye in a positive, loving way, but it just makes me even more confused why life had to go this way.
She was really the best thing in my life, was picture perfect to me. I am really down, trying to survive. But constantly thinking about killing myself.
I just feel life is utterly pointless without her.
Currently on sick leave from work, living with my friends.
I know others have been through breakups.. and lived. Happily. In a way I am embarrassed how much this has brought me down. But I just can't see how I will ever get over this. She was far too perfect for me.
So.. idk.. I am not even sure why I am writing this here. I just need to get it out of my system.
Suicide is scary... But never hearing from her again, is an absolute nightmare that I do not wish to live through...

 

[Myforevercharlie]

You're only human, breaking up hurts like a moterf......
But it will be better, give yourself time...

 

[Epsilon0]

Heartbreak hurts like hell.

 

[qwerty32]

Hello @HeartbrokenViking1 .

I'm in the same situation as you, reason why I'm on SS. Some confession to say for myself, it was my first relationship and it hadn't lasted even half a year. I broke it off because of my stupid mistakes and decisions. I tried asking them back but it was too late. I tried being friends which was really hard and now they're not on speaking terms with me completely blocked me off and it's been hurting me. For once I got to enjoy what's it like to be love by someone and to love someone else in return. But I threw it all away because I made a decision when I shouldn't have. If we were still together now it would have been past one year anniversary of our relationship, but nope, because of my stupid self I threw it all away.

It's been more than half a year and I still haven't gotten over it. However, some advice I would try to give out is the main factor to healing is time. Being on SS helps out. And this corona virus isn't helping at all. Speak to your friends.

You'll get through this.

 

[HeartbrokenViking1]

Yeah, was my first relationship too.
Thanks

 

[lmroch]

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[DepressoEspresso]

I hope you're alright or managing,

I've only been in one real relationship. I've had others but it just wasn't the same. I haven't searched for a new one since that breakup (it's been a 3-4 years now). I don't think people fully recover, It just gets easier to cope with over time. I threw out any reminders and locked every last good memory I had behind a wall. I didn't have closure either. I had a lot of physical pain in my chest and wished it would end up being a heart attack. I was in smaller highschool so I had the pleasure of seeing this person every day.

The best strategy I had during that time was a lot of meditating on the idea of mentally cutting this person out of my life. I had a few times where I just cried it out. Those were during the lowest parts of my breakup but helped the most.

My mother would tell me "Things have to get worse before they can get better." It's something I believe to be true to this day.

I apologize for rambling. I wish you the best and hope with time you find the comfort you deserve.

 

[HeartbrokenViking1]

Thanks everyone <3
I'm gonna write myself a bucket list for the next 5 years.
Things that would be cool to achieve before I die...
I can always end it after that I suppose <3

 

[qwerty32]

@lmroch Grief
I never even thought of a term for it. Thank you for your post. This will help me look up more information to help me out.

@HeartbrokenViking1
Yep, write a bucket list. It's a good distraction, and I don't mean it in a bad way but a positive good way. Try to thing of other things to help distract you such as reading, binge watching series. Sometimes these distractions will help temporary and the feeling of grief will come back. But at the same time, don't deny what you're feeling. Acknowledge it and try to move on.

If you like you could PM me and we could try to talk to each other and help each other out. I know our pass relationships are different and it'll be hard, but say to yourself in the mirror "You got this shit!"

 

[schopenh]

I suffered acute depression following the ending of a really good, healthy 6 year relationship when I was 25. We just drifted apart. It was intense and my first experience of depression and suicidal ideation. It took a solid 6-7 months for it to run its course with me. Thought my world was over and life would never get good again. In fact it got better and I ended up meeting someone more suitable for me (not that you need to find someone else to get better again, I was already doing fine by that point). You're going through a bereavement process, you can run around daft or cry on your bed all day, I think it just takes time for your brain to adapt. I recommend giving it time before doing anything rash. I remember standing on the edge of a bridge thinking about jumping in front of a train. Obviously glad I never did. Here now because of chronic (physical) pain. I'd give anything to be depressed again over this!

 

[qwerty32]

@schopenh

You're right on giving it time. I am in the bereavement process.
It's just that it's been months and everything I do, anything I see reminds me of them, any little inkling thing reminds me of them, and it's killing me.

I feel stupid and selfish and weak for thinking of unabe to handle this. And also because I'm beating myself over my first relationship and feel like a complete failure. That's why I came looking for methods.
At the same time, I feel selfish because I can't even handle a breakup. But I'm trying now to get through this. Time is the best medicine now. Some days are good, some days aren't great. I'm praying that there will be a day I don't think of them at all or maybe find someone I could be with and have new memories with them and know what mistakes not to do.....

 

[HeartbrokenViking1]

Yeah, I feel very much the same @qwerty32 ...
Its frustrating and very painful waking up and thinking of her after dreaming of her, and constantly missing a person that chose to end the relationship...

 

[HeartbrokenViking1]

About the only thing keeping me around at the moment is that I will never know if I get back in contact / relationship with my ex if I end it.
I know that's not a good reason to live... but it's all I got right now.
Give her time to grow and give myself space to become an even better version of myself.
But that of course is scary too, coz I might crash again in 4.5 years time (the arbitrary date I set myself before calling her)