Venting Recovery didn't work.

[claeasi]

I made a post here a while ago saying I was going to try to kill myself. I almost, almost succeeded, I got so close, but I couldn't. It's all unbearable, I don't know why I can't even do that. I went to therapy while I was away, but it was useless. I had stopped self-harming for a while, but unfortunately I've started again, This time it's even worse than before. My family is treating me like I'm sick, they treat me "well" out of pity.
Life is complicated, really. Even though I have everything, I feel like I don't have what I want, you know? It's like I'm ungrateful, and not that I'm not ungrateful because, well, I think I am.
I don't want to live an unhappy life, I just want to finally rest in peace, to truly achieve that. Sometimes I hesitate to do this because of people who love me, but I've realized that love doesn't save, it never has saved me.
Yes, I tried everything to have a good recovery, but I really couldn't. I tried to change my habits, I even started a relationship, but how can I say I love someone if I don't even love myself? It's really a farce, a lie...

 

[duusti?]

yeah i tried to change my habits a couple times as well. it didnt really work as i just went back to "normal" after max a couple of weeks. i just feel really helpless and stuck in life, dont even know what to do next. i dont really self harm but i was on the verge of attempting a couple of times, but i couldnt bring myself to it. relationships also dont work out for me because as u said "how can I say I love someone if I don't even love myself?".