Toxic Positivity

Toxic Positivity

At my own pace
Feb 11, 2022
95
I binged the past couple days after a long stretch of taking good care. I feel like I've wiped out a lot of progress and I feel like trash but tomorrow I am going to try again. It's so hard to unlearn the habits we form around food in childhood. Being scolded for eating too much, or too little, and digging into the cope even harder as a result. No one sees the struggle they just see the result of our body.

It's a worthy fight and it's worth taking very slowly and carefully. I feel like I am losing my mind but I am not going to give up trying to feel comfortable in my body and getting back to a body type that feels more familiar and more me. Thank you for listening.
 
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symphony

symphony

surving hour-by-hour
Mar 12, 2022
779
Relapse is never an ultimate, unrecoverable failure - just an opportunity to start again. Thank you for your brave post, and I'm wishing you all the best in your continued recovery.
 
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Cathy Ames

Cathy Ames

Cautionary Tale
Mar 11, 2022
2,106
Congrats on not using your relapse as an excuse to give up and keep on doing it indefinitely. You're doing great!
 
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its-about-time

its-about-time

nope
Mar 19, 2022
807
I'm always conscious of the difference between a relapse and a lapse. To me, a relapse is a sustained return to disordered behavior. A lapse can happen any time but it's quickly gotten under control. When I lapse, I put effort towards not making it into a relapse. After all, every "disordered behavior" is still a decision. Just because I give in in one moment doesn't mean I need to give in for weeks or months.
 
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Toxic Positivity

Toxic Positivity

At my own pace
Feb 11, 2022
95
After all, every "disordered behavior" is still a decision.
This is a hard thing to read but a true one. It's easy to feel, when things are spiraling out of control, that we do not have agency. But there is power in taking responsibility and turning things around.
 
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Foresight

Foresight

Enlightened
Jun 14, 2019
1,393
I've been struggling with this for years too. This cycle is really a challenge to break. There's a lot of hormonal and neurological biology involved in our behavior with food. I find learning about that empowering. Instead of making excuses based on the facts I find it easier to tackle a beast I understand.

I found this guy recently named Mark Schatzker who has some interesting ideas on eating. Here's an interview: Link
 
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its-about-time

its-about-time

nope
Mar 19, 2022
807
This is a hard thing to read but a true one. It's easy to feel, when things are spiraling out of control, that we do not have agency. But there is power in taking responsibility and turning things around.
Years ago I learned to say "I won't" instead of "I can't"… it's a good reminder that I do have autonomy and even when things are awful I have choices… we can't easily choose what we think or how we feel, but we do get to choose what thoughts and feelings we act on, it takes practice to control knee-jerk reactions and regain control when spiraling down, but taking away the excuse of "I can't control myself" gives an advantage.
 
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charlottewilts

charlottewilts

read Dostoyevsky
Jun 15, 2019
494
If you don't mind the religious undertones, what really helped my ex and I with both binging and starving were Doreen Virtue's books Constant Craving A-Z: A Simple Guide to Understanding and Healing Your Food Cravings and Losing your Pounds of Pain. The second was written especially for women who went through trauma, so you might find it particularly helpful. Best of luck! And if you have any questions feel free to ask, I'll do my best to help.
 
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WhiteDespair

WhiteDespair

The Temporary Problem is Life
Oct 24, 2019
837
if the pro-ana memes I collected to troll a friend are anything to go by, it sounds like one hell of an awful life with a lot of similarities to addiction, so I can relate, in a way. those memes helped me understand the true face of ana, and it's horrible. best of luck and, remember, there are many similarities between ana and other diseases(?), so more people will understand than you think they will. if you can frame an ana behavior to the experience of the person you're talking to it can help them to "get it." something like, "you know how when you miss someone's birthday you feel bad so you make sure to always remember it by putting it in your calendar right away so you don't miss it again? I have to do that every day, for every calorie, all the time." something that changes the frame from "you just need to eat more" to "THAT'S actually what your life is like? I had no idea." something better than what I came up with. it can help if/when you talk to people.

btw that friend I trolled happens to have the same dark and twisted internet humor as me and went on to become one of my best friends and one of the reasons I didn't use the bus pass
 
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noaccount

Enlightened
Oct 26, 2019
1,099
Needing to binge is usually the body's way of making up for running at an energy-deficit - making up for restricted eating, or for the body burning more energy to try to cope with an illness or injury - it's a way to get fuel and energy that we probably desperately need, and it's really tragic that it gets framed in this shaming way that fatphobic doctors and diet culture have caused by exaggerating the health risks of being 'overweight.'
(To summarize what the author says better than I can - a lot of the "health risks" we see are often caused by doctors denying adequate care to heavier patients, and telling them to "just lose some weight!" instead of giving them the same quality treatment they'd give a thin patient.)

I have found a lot of really helpful guides and info at the ED Institute... Good luck to you. <3
 
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myopybyproxy

flickerbeat \\ gibberish-noise
Dec 18, 2021
864
Needing to binge is usually the body's way of making up for running at an energy-deficit - making up for restricted eating, or for the body burning more energy to try to cope with an illness or injury - it's a way to get fuel and energy that we probably desperately need, and it's really tragic that it gets framed in this shaming way that fatphobic doctors and diet culture have caused by exaggerating the health risks of being 'overweight.'
(To summarize what the author says better than I can - a lot of the "health risks" we see are often caused by doctors denying adequate care to heavier patients, and telling them to "just lose some weight!" instead of giving them the same quality treatment they'd give a thin patient.)

I have found a lot of really helpful guides and info at the ED Institute... Good luck to you. <3
This is not always the case and in fact is a harmful excuse I and others with binge eating disorder often use to rationalise our poor choices. The reasons behind binges are as varied as the reasons behind self harm or substance use disorders - for instance: seeking stimulation, repressing emotions, avoiding stress or social situations, self sabotage, procrastinating on important responsibilities, feeling bored or alone, habit / conditioning, something unrelated going wrong earlier in the day, availability of hyperpalatable food (which has been engineered to be addictive - read about the fat-salt-sugar bliss point). These are only a few of the many excuses I have employed over the years to protect myself from facing the challenge of self improvement and building a life for which I actually want to stay.

Saying that it is a choice can be taken as shaming, when it ought to be taken as empowering. Although there may be factors beyond one's control that make eating healthy and maintaining a healthy weight more difficult for one than the average person of their demographic - that does not mean they are doomed. Every time I eat something that will not nourish me, that is a choice I make. Every time I have the opportunity to drink water or exercise or step outdoors but don't take it, that is a choice I make. Every time I am full and continue eating, that is a choice I make. Yes, I feel out of control, but I have the ability to control myself. I just don't feel like doing it. I have overweight and obese relatives, and I also have healthy weight relatives.

Except in rare cases of genetic disorders or eating whilst unconscious - genetics or 'out of control' internal intrinsic chemical imbalance or whatever excuse is making more money for Big Pharma these days - are not the sole or main cause of one's eating disorder or weight. Environment, upbringing / intergenerational trauma of which one may not even be aware, stress levels, coping skills, social support network, and many more factors influence these. Many of these factors are changeable, although to some extent others are out of one's control.

It could also be a nutrient deficiency as opposed to an overall energy deficit. It is possible to be obese, binge eating daily, and still be malnourished. The solution is not to eat more but to eat the right foods. What those are depend on the individual and change over time likewise. I would highly advise working with a doctor and dietician to build a healthy meal plan that addresses any imbalances which may show up in test results.

You are not wrong in that slightly overweight individuals do fare better in long term health metrics. This does not take into account their lifestyle - are they getting adequate sleep, hydration, socialisation, exercise / movement, nutrients, sunlight? - nor their lean mass. One can be technically 'overweight' yet have low body fat percentage. Even with an average to slightly above average body fat percentage, the aforementioned factors must be taken into account when determining overall physical health - nor is this an exhaustive list, not to mention for mental health, as eating disorders are a mental health issue primarily. It's not about the food - in most cases, the food is just a vector for the psychological distress.

Fatphobia has legitimate concerns and certainly no one should be denied adequate medical treatment due to obesity - but buzzword overuse has unfortunately discredited anything fatphobia proposes due to the negative association. Thus my kneejerk 'you are wrong and here's why' dissertation in response. But the truth lies somewhere in the middle, as usual - it is more nuanced than our personally dearly held beliefs would prefer us to accept.
 
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noaccount

Enlightened
Oct 26, 2019
1,099
I'm sorry that people talking about this in ways you don't like, is enough to make you see stories of very real and very dangerous medical discrimination as "discredited".
 
Foresight

Foresight

Enlightened
Jun 14, 2019
1,393
I have binge eating problems either way but I will say that a deficiency can make you ravenous. I made a mistake of taking zinc supplements for over two years not realizing that it can offset things like copper badly. I became so hungry all the time on top of other symptoms. I got off the supplements and ate copper rich foods for a period and my appetite went way down. I'm blown away by how much my health improved.

It was different than a binge feeling. I binge to almost cover an emotional void inside. It's like using food for happy chemicals. It's an addictive behavior. The food takes my focus off my emptiness. The feeling I felt when I was low on copper was more physical. When you binge half the time you're not even physically hungry, it's more mental for me.
 
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