Discussion Reasons you want to die?

[always_sad]

For me, the main reason I want to die is my "mom". To put it bluntly, she's a nutcase. She has been alcoholic for many, many years and good god just her personality alone is nasty as fuck, her tantrums are insane, she only cares about herself and plays victim when things don't go her way or she's not treated like she's the center of the universe. I'm sick of people expecting me to take care of her because she's sooo poor and lonely and sick and whatever. It's not my fault she's miserable why the fuck am I expected to devote my entire life to her? Literally none of her shit is my fault. It's infuriating.
She does nothing with her life and expects me to do everything for her. I was treated in a really sick and cruel way when I was a child and a teen. I was painted as the villain whenever I expressed basic human emotions and needs.
She would scream at me all the fucking time for absolutely no reason and beat me, then scream at me more and call me horrible names and just be a shithead all the time. I became suicidal at 12. Then I turned 13 and it was the worst year of my entire life. I googled suicide methods every day after school. Mom blamed me for every single fucking thing under the sun and I was bullied at school. Mom was late for work? My fault. Someone was mad at her? My fault. She would scream at me for hours. Then she would gleefully force me to say "I'm so sorry mom, I love you so much" and make me hug her. If I refused she screamed again. For hours.
I never did drugs, alcohol or anything bad, I was just a quiet kid who had no friends, this bitch treated me like I was a horrible and cruel monster and my mere existence ruins her life. I have never had anyone talk about me badly, my mom is literally the only person who says bad things about me.
She would scream at me like a banshee for dumbest things. I was violently punished for talking about age appropriate things like school because it's "too exhausting" for her and I take too much space. But it was perfectly ok for her to talk about sex life and work issues with me. She's genuinely insane I cannot explain in words how much I despise her.
Worst of all? I feel like I am "the crazy one", she's an absolutely unbearable, soul sucking black hole most of the time but brief moments of normalcy make me question my sanity.
People like her should never have chilren.
Oh btw, when I was small my primary caregiver was grandma and she was just as bad. So that was fun.

 

[Darkover]

nothing for all time is better than ever existing

 

[NonEssential]

I feel kinda bad having thoughts to ctb when I read these stories about people being abused by their own family. I've only been verbally abused by bullies when I was back at middle school.
Reasons I want to ctb is mostly because I have immense despair regarding my future and I wish to cease to be and not have to experience things like homelessness, etc.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I only want to die bc I suffer from a big failure in life and I missed my chance to make money (millions) I always wanted to have - to have a peaceful life and to be able to enjoy my life without having to depend on anyone else. I'm too old for a restart and too burnt out now. Recovery needs too much effort and most recovery attempts will fail - I can't bear this anymore.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I know the term is banded about a lot but, have you ever looked into 'narcissism'? A couple of things you mentioned- her wanting to be the centre of attention, playing the victim, blaming you for everything stand out as traits to me. I believe I also grew up with a narcissist and, it was hell. Also the reason I became suicidal age 10. I'd recommend checking out the YouTube channel: 'The Crappy Childhood Fairy' and, 'Live Abuse Free'.

Is there any way you can leave home and leave her? (If you still live with her.) It's understandable that this is the main source of your pain. I'd hope things might improve slightly if you were able to get away from that situation. Cutting all ties is much harder obviously, when it's a parent.

Also, you could consider the courses these above ladies run or others- if you decide your Mum does have narcissistic traits. They may help you to heal or deal with the situation more effectively. I was (fortunately) able to leave and cut all ties and for a while at least, things improved.

As for why I want out, the coping mechanism that carried me through all that childhood crap was art. It did a fantastic job of helping me through life but, it's started to falter the past few years. Regardless, it's very challenging to sustain a career in. Really now, I'm just tired of life. It doesn't feel worth the effort or cost. Plus, I want to avoid old age, likely sickness and the whole situation getting worse. I just want to rest basically.

 

[steppenwolf]

Just cut all ties with her and tell people she died when you were young if you have to. I haven't seen my mother for 20 years and chances are good I'll never see her again.

 

[sadalways]

I feel kinda bad having thoughts to ctb when I read these stories about people being abused by their own family. I've only been verbally abused by bullies when I was back at middle school.
Reasons I want to ctb is mostly because I have immense despair regarding my future and I wish to cease to be and not have to experience things like homelessness, etc.

Yeah same here pretty much. Can relate to this a lot about the despair of what future brings. I did get bullied throughout all of my time in school, but reading what other people go through is just... yeah.


(P.S nice username, OP.)

 

[DivineSpark]

Because there is simply no way out of my current situation. Despair, anhedonia, anxiety, torment. I can feel their sadistic and cruel presence in my soul and mind. Tormenting me.

 

[fkyou]

Reasons I want to ctb is mostly because I have immense despair regarding my future and I wish to cease to be and not have to experience things like homelessness, etc.

I have immense despair regarding my future too.its the reason for my desire to ctb. I feel like there's a need in my body to rather flee than experience this future as a reality

Because there is simply no way out of my current situation. Despair, anhedonia, anxiety, torment. I can feel their sadistic and cruel presence in my soul and mind. Tormenting me.

Are you talking about what I feel like

 

[FuneralCry]

Because of existence, for me existence itself is the true problem, I see existence as the most torturous, futile burden and I'd always prefer to not exist, only non-existence can bring me the peace I search for from this deeply undesirable existence I always saw as the most terrible, tragic mistake. I just don't see existence as worth it rather I see existence as an abomination that just causes harm and suffering with no limit as to how much agony one can feel and I'd just never wish for any of this, I only hope and wish for the peace of dreamless eternal sleep instead, non-existence is all that's positive for me, non-existence would solve everything for me. I'd always prefer to not exist than be burdened with this existence there was never a need for just suffering all for the sake of it just to be tortured by old age, I find it horrific how a human can exist for so long, I personally just don't want to suffer at all, I just want true permanent peace instead.

 

[Worndown]

I recommend investigating options for escaping you family before giving up on everything. You might find a better life.

 

[SadFoxDreamer83]

I feel kinda bad having thoughts to ctb when I read these stories about people being abused by their own family. I've only been verbally abused by bullies when I was back at middle school.
Reasons I want to ctb is mostly because I have immense despair regarding my future and I wish to cease to be and not have to experience things like homelessness, etc.

My disgusting, abusive, toxic, and horrible family is one of the main reasons why I need to escape or try to commit suicide, because I can't stand it anymore, every day is more terrible than the last. My desperation keeps increasing because I can't find a way to earn money to escape far away.

 

[Princess_Kitty]

Main reason for me is because of too much pain and loneliness. Ever since childhood I've been depressed and had to deal with it. Battling depression every single day is...extremely exhausting and I'm just tired of it. I don't really have the energy to fight it anymore. There are few other things too such as me being transgender, but mainly it's the pain and loneliness.

I can't really relate to what OP wrote...but I do understand a little bit. Current am married and I'm pretty much taking care of my wife. Everything from cooking breakfast, lunch, dinner. Doing laundry, cleaning the house, making her lunch to take to work every single day. It's exhausting. So, I guess I can relate a tiny bit to OP.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

i could write multiple 1000 page books on the reasons on top of reasons for any sentient being . so this is a general start for any sentient animal including a human which is just another animal

1. Book 1. Chapter one . nothing is worth the worst pain possible. the reason they have used torture for thousands of years is they can make people do or say anything to avoid pain.

one example is the brazen bull. basically they put a nude human into a giant metal hollow bull then lit fire under it , roasting a human slowly. think about putting your just your hand on scalding oven or stove and then having to leave it there. you can take it away but while in a bull you can't get away and it's all over your skin not just your hand all of your skin is in contact with scalding searing burning hot metal . so now we see how important it is to be able to avoid and be able to move away from such pain. think of the worst second being roasted in the metal burning bull. a few seconds of that is horrible enough but what about minutes , hours days years of that worst seconds' constant pain and try to sleep while under that kind of pain. it is possible for this kind of unending constant unbearable pain to trap any human or other sentient animal simply because the brain has that horrible ability to suffer unending constant unbearable pain. evolution created this nightmare torture chamber called a brain and nervous system

nothing is worth even one minute of the brazen bull kind of constant worse pain. much less 6 hours constant or weeks, months years not a seconds' break from this extreme suffering.

it is possible for them to keep a human alive for 30 years from ages 60 to 90 in a state of constant unbearable pain every second, for example incurable giant skin sores, another example alsheiimers.

no a stupid movie , news , tv , show , social media scroling, youtube vidoes, eating a sandwhich, watching a stupid sunset .... etc. .. all the meaningless garbage they tell us we have to live for because they are just sooooooo good and soooo fun that we have to risk extreme tortrure for . no i don't , i see these pleasurable meaningless addictions as bait for the most extreme torture


2. they stole our right to move away form excruciating pain or extreme suffering or the most extreme torture by making guaranteed suicide method crimes.

3. nothing matters except avoiding unbearable pain. i see no reason to have to live or to have to want to live . much less to work so hard to exist under threats of extreme torture

4. work 15 hours per day a job chores etc for no objective reason only to exist to risk extreme torture to exist under threats of extreme torture, to get old decay .as a slave condoning this evil imposition prison slavery


just the headings of 4 chapters but there';s hundreds more ... each reasons sits on top of the other reaons.... why hasn;t anyone pointed any of these things out

 

[Skylar6]

Money. So much debt and a partner that obviously only stuck with me while times were good. And was never really happy or supportive or loving when the money was coming in. I've just run right out of time. I can't stand the emotional pain of dealing with it all anymore. I bet all our separate reason seem silly or trivial to others even within this forum, but we have all reached the end of our emotional tethers for our own personal reasons. So here we are.

 

[slamjoetry]

I'm so alone. I'm never able to keep friends or relationships for very long and everybody ghosts me. I also will never find a job that I feel happy or even comfortable at. So my days are just waking up and going to a job I'm miserable at, then going home and feeling sad by myself. I just want to escape the negative thoughts so I go to sleep. Then I wake up and do it all over again. And I feel that's the way it's gonna be for the rest of my life until I die. It's a pathetic way to exist, so I'd just prefer to end it sooner rather than later.

 

[Johnzaga23]

reasons you want to live? if there is not a reason to live, then any reason to die is a valid reason

 

[hereornot]

My mom look like your mom. In my case, i have a brother with the same behaviour. Don't exist anything i can do.

I loose all me life and now the only thing can keep my life live is justice to get what my brother steal from me, and moove away from they.

Probably Impossible. I am in Brazil, and here justice don't exist.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

My Reasons
1) Don't want to live.

 

[howunfortunateforme]

Physical disabilities tnay took away my abilities to drive, work, sleep, see well function lost my job my friends my marriage my life my hobbies travel ability to have a glass of wine cook go to store do anything but be on sasu and maybe shower caht nap even when I had the flu I couldn't sleep can't enjoy my family will nbwer be the same. All
Started with meto and wilLmnow end with meto full circle physical disabilities when you were the epitome of health…thanks big harma

 

[SummerSolesLongLost]

Its all just pointless

 

[divinemistress36]

MDD, PTSD, Brain injury, memory loss, executive dysfunction . Nothing is worth it

 

[InTheStars]

For me, the main reason I want to die is my "mom". To put it bluntly, she's a nutcase. She has been alcoholic for many, many years and good god just her personality alone is nasty as fuck, her tantrums are insane, she only cares about herself and plays victim when things don't go her way or she's not treated like she's the center of the universe. I'm sick of people expecting me to take care of her because she's sooo poor and lonely and sick and whatever. It's not my fault she's miserable why the fuck am I expected to devote my entire life to her? Literally none of her shit is my fault. It's infuriating.
She does nothing with her life and expects me to do everything for her. I was treated in a really sick and cruel way when I was a child and a teen. I was painted as the villain whenever I expressed basic human emotions and needs.
She would scream at me all the fucking time for absolutely no reason and beat me, then scream at me more and call me horrible names and just be a shithead all the time. I became suicidal at 12. Then I turned 13 and it was the worst year of my entire life. I googled suicide methods every day after school. Mom blamed me for every single fucking thing under the sun and I was bullied at school. Mom was late for work? My fault. Someone was mad at her? My fault. She would scream at me for hours. Then she would gleefully force me to say "I'm so sorry mom, I love you so much" and make me hug her. If I refused she screamed again. For hours.
I never did drugs, alcohol or anything bad, I was just a quiet kid who had no friends, this bitch treated me like I was a horrible and cruel monster and my mere existence ruins her life. I have never had anyone talk about me badly, my mom is literally the only person who says bad things about me.
She would scream at me like a banshee for dumbest things. I was violently punished for talking about age appropriate things like school because it's "too exhausting" for her and I take too much space. But it was perfectly ok for her to talk about sex life and work issues with me. She's genuinely insane I cannot explain in words how much I despise her.
Worst of all? I feel like I am "the crazy one", she's an absolutely unbearable, soul sucking black hole most of the time but brief moments of normalcy make me question my sanity.
People like her should never have chilren.
Oh btw, when I was small my primary caregiver was grandma and she was just as bad. So that was fun.

Don't die because of her! Just pack your bags and leave. Try finding some job in different city. You'll be free and she will suffer even more.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I'm not a great person. Mentally, I'm damaged goods, so to speak. I feel like I'm slowly rotting away physically.

On top of that, I'm a terrible son, and an even worse boyfriend. I don't know what to do sometimes and I feel like the only solution is to end my life and remove the burden from everyone.