Venting really tired

[serah]

im so tired. keep telling myself things can get better but everyday i feel more and more alone. i feel so empty. i hate living like this. i should've ended it ten years ago, because nothing has gotten better. if anything it hurts more each year. i want what others cant give me, and it hurts so much. i hate myself and i hate being alone, so whats the point of continuing all this if thats all ill ever do. have to put up with myself and try to find motivation to keep working/study when ultimately ill never be happy because at the end of the day i'd still have to life as myself. even if i were to magically find someone who loved me and made me feel less alone, why would it even matter. they won't fill my emptiness and they'll leave like everyone does eventually. its not going to get rid of the problem, im so fucked mentally. i wish i had the courage to ctb. trying to purposefully screw over any chance of happiness because then i'd have no other choice than to ctb. thinking of quitting my job and just dropping out, pushing all the friends and people that remain in my life away and then just do it. because i wouldnt be able to live with the guilt of fucking over everything.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

. thinking of quitting my job and just dropping out, pushing all the friends and people that remain in my life away and then just do it. because i wouldnt be able to live with the guilt of fucking over everything.

I don't know what best can make you feel better right now but please I urge you to try to refrain from doing that. Don't sabotage your life. That has rarely gone well.

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

I agree with Rose on this. I definitely understand the feeling of wanting to completely self destruct your life but it's something that I don't think you should do. Better to keep that relative stability just in case.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

im so tired. keep telling myself things can get better but everyday i feel more and more alone. i feel so empty. i hate living like this. i should've ended it ten years ago, because nothing has gotten better. if anything it hurts more each year. i want what others cant give me, and it hurts so much. i hate myself and i hate being alone, so whats the point of continuing all this if thats all ill ever do. have to put up with myself and try to find motivation to keep working/study when ultimately ill never be happy because at the end of the day i'd still have to life as myself. even if i were to magically find someone who loved me and made me feel less alone, why would it even matter. they won't fill my emptiness and they'll leave like everyone does eventually. its not going to get rid of the problem, im so fucked mentally. i wish i had the courage to ctb. trying to purposefully screw over any chance of happiness because then i'd have no other choice than to ctb. thinking of quitting my job and just dropping out, pushing all the friends and people that remain in my life away and then just do it. because i wouldnt be able to live with the guilt of fucking over everything.

I gave up on trying to find happiness years ago. Untreatable clinical depression since the age of 7 means I was fucked from the start.
I honestly wish I got run over by a bus before I reached my twenties because everything has been a major struggle and nothing but needless suffering.
Like a rat in a maze with no exit, I have tried my absolute best to escape from my torment.
Nothing works. There is no solution.
I truly believe that suicide is a logical solution to an unwanted and illogical life.

 

[fleischmaschina]

On monday I landed on metotrexate pills. I was diagnosed for psoriasis. One more reason why I should just hang myself. Anyway, op, I did that a few times when I was realy down. It doesnt work, it takes too much time to ruin ur life like that to help you with motivation to suicide. Thats how i see it.

 

[cosnidering_ctb]

I can relate to this at times.